Your Promises

I want you guys to give me a full review on what do you think. I want you to be completely honest with me. This is one of my very first fiction in English, and it's a fanfiction. The pairing is Adam Levine and Blake Shelton. Anyway, English isn't my native language and I want to know my weakness, my strength... etc., as I said, full review. Don't be shy, I need your opinion, but be gentle, please.

*****

Adam appeared at the door with a tray between his hands. He was wearing one of Blake's big sweatpants and a quite small tee. His hair looks like a hurricane just passed by and messed it up in different directions.

"Doctor said you shouldn't move too much, Blake." He crossed the room towards the bed, which on Blake was laying, and put the tray on a small table beside it.

There was an edge in his voice, and it made him sound so angry, but hurt at the same time.

"For how long am I supposed t'stay in this damn stupid bed?" Blake hissed, settling his back against the headboard again. "I need some air."

Adam didn't answer. He put the tray on the table then carried the table closer to the bed. When Blake looked at the two bowls on the tray, his nose, immediately, wrinkled in disturbance; one bowl contained vegetables soup and the other contained chicken, and though he liked chicken, that one looked lifeless, and he was sure it was like the one he had the other night, not seasoned.

Adam gave him a spoon, then went to the wimdow and opened it; a smooth breeze immediately ruffled in the place. After he got back, he seated himself in a close chair, and started flipping the channels of the television.

His face looked so pale, with dark circles around his beautiful hazel eyes, that were red and looked so tired. He lost a lot of weight, Blake could tell from how smaller his wrists looked and how obvious his cheekbones had become; he would have made a huge deal about it, if he hadn't been treated like a god damn prisoner.

"I can't eat this shit anymore, Adam. It's disgusting."

"That's all what you're allowed to eat," Adam replied immediately; he was used to hearing Blake complaining about the food he had been receiving for the past two weeks. "Doctor's orders."

The tension in the room was so sharp it could cut into steel. Adam was refusing to look at Blake, and busied himself with the television. He looked like a robot. A pale, sad, angry robot.

"Well, I ain't eating this shit anymore." Blake propelled the spoon on the table and folded his arms in protest. "Call the doctor and ask him if there's anything else I'm okay to eat."

"I already called him yesterday, Blake." Adam huffed. He was trying his best not to explode on his husband. His sick husband. "He said, you have to follow this diet for a month. Now, stop whining like a baby and eat."

"Call'em again..."

"And say what?" Adam snarled suddenly, cutting Blake off, "I'm sorry, but my husband is too much of a baby to take responsibility for his own mistakes and follow a damn diet?"

"What the hell that supposed to mean?"

"You know what it means, Blake. Don't play dumb with me." Adam fumbled on the backrest again, resuming flipping the channels.

"Apparently, I don't, Adam." Blake said, raising his voice. "What do you mean by mistakes?"

"Just eat, Blake." Adam held back his anger. He knew that it wasn't the right time for it.

"Adam,"

Adam didn't answer. His eyes fixed on the screen, watching people moving, hearing them talking but didn't understand them.

"This ain't about my drinking habit, is it?" Blake asked, quite sure that it was. "Because you know, as well as I do, that this isn't the reason I'm sick." Blake said. He knew he was lying to himself, but wasn't brave enough to admit it.

Despite himself, Adam gave a laugh out of irony. "Really? Then what was the reason? Your warm bed? Your good house? Your job? Or is it me?"

Blake tried to deny, "I didn't say th..."

Adam cut him off, "You know what is funny?" Adam shook his head, eyes full of pain, "Is that you actually think it's a habit."

"Isn't it?" Blake questioned, but it was more of a statement than a question.

"It almost killed you, Blake."

"No it didn't. I know hundreds of guys whose problem bigger than mine, and they're perfectly fine."

"They are not the ones had their own liver shutting down in the middle of the night, Blake" Adam finally turned to look at him, "So guess what, that makes your problem bigger than theirs."

"You know what," Blake decided that the conversation should end there. "I don't need that kind of negativity from you right now."

"My negativity?" Tears finally started falling across Adam's cheeks. Blake was surprised. "Well, I didn't need to wake up in the middle of the night swimming in your blood, Blake. I didn't need to sit on the edge of my soul, begging them to put your name on top of the freaking list. And I definitely didn't need to hear the doctor tell me that you might not make it."

"Ad..."

"I spend twenty - two hours, praying for a god I don't even believe in, begging him to let you live.." Adam breathing hitched, "When you came out okay, I was so relieved. You don't even know." he shook his head as if he was refusing to live this experience again. His body was shaking so badly, and his face was so red Blake thought it was going to explode. "Then...I spend seventeen hour..o-outside your room, not allowed to come in, b- because your immune system suddenly shut down."

"I don't want to hear this, Ada.."

"No," Adam raised his voice suddenly; he sounded too hurt. "You have to, because I didn't deserve this, Blake. I really didn't. I warned you for years to tone down your drinking. For years."

Adam bowed his head, "If you'd listened... if you'd just listened, this wouldn't have happened."

"Why hadn't you listen to me, Blake?"

Blake couldn't spit not even one word. It was like, his tongue got tied, removed. He looked at Adam, who was crying like a kid who'd just lost their parent. It made him feel like shit. He'd never seen Adam cry like this before, and realizing that he was the reason, squeezed on his heart in the most painful way imaginable.

He didn't know what to say or do that could comfort Adam; it was like there were ropes snaking all around his body. He looked at his food then at Adam, and thought maybe eating would calm him a little—after all, the argument started because of this damn ugly-looking, horrible-tasting food.

He picked up the spoon again and started eating, keeping eras with Adam, waiting for any sign of comfort from his side. But there was none. Adam's tears kept on falling and falling, and each drop was like a knife skinning Blake slowly.

He felt like punching himself in the face. He was a jerk who needed to be in the trash, or stepped on. He shouldn't have survived the operation, he should have died right there on the table—at least that mean that someone else would have gotten to live. Someone who was actually doing better to people around them— Not hurting them, crashing them under selfishness nor making them shed any tears.

Time moved too slowly. Too, too slowly. And Blake started to lose hope Adam would ever stop crying. When he'd finished his food, Adam picked the tray up, but before taking it back to the kitchen, Blake gripped around his wrist, and stopped him. God, how many meals did he miss to become this thin.

"Leave it here," Blake pointed at the nightstand. This way, Adam could leave the tray on it with Blake's hand still around his wrist. Adam did, then Blake pulled him gently to sit on the bed next to him. "Com'ere."

Adam didn't look at him. His head was ducked, chin on his chest. There was no tears, but Blake knew that they were right there, refusing to leave his eyes.

"I'm sorry. I know I'm an asshole," Blake stated and Adam looked at him, surprised with the statement. "to make a flower like you cry."

Adam's tears just fell again, eyes refusing to look away from Blake. Blake reached for his face and swept the tears away with the back of his knuckles. Adam leaned into his touch, eyes closed and lips shivering, pressed together.

"You deserve better, honey. I'm sorry." Blake apologized, Adam shook his head, looking at Blake again. "I screwed up."

"No, don't.." Adam's voice chocked, holding on Blake's hand with his "Don't say that."

Blake leaned forward and pressed a small kiss just close to Adam's eye, apologetically. "But, it's true, sweetie. You deserve the best."

"I shouldn't have said all of that." Adam's breathing hitched. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to complain, or, make you feel bad. It's just..."

"You were right." Blake cut him off. "I have a problem, I didn't want to admit it and I'm so sorry I put you through this."

Adam closed his eyes to let some of the last tears out.

"I didn't want to make you worried, nor cry. Honey, I didn't want to hurt you like this."

Adam opened his eyes, "It's okay," Adam's voice was low, and hands gentle brushing through Blake's hair. "I'm sorry, too."

Blake frowned. "What for?"

"This conversation shouldn't have happened now." Adam bit his lips. "Doctor said I shouldn't put you through any kind of stress. And I did. I'm sorry."

"'t's okay, sweetie." Blake smiled, giving Adam a small kiss on the forehead. "I needed to hear this."

"It's just that..." Adam's voice chocked again, and tears started forming in his eyes. Blake comforted him, pressing kisses all over his beautiful face. "knowing that you might have not made it that day.. still kills me, Blake. I'm still too scared."

"Don't." Blake reached for Adam's left hand and raised it to his lips. "Don't be scared," he kissed the ring around Adam's finger. "Everything will be okay, we'll be okay, I promise."

Adam nodded, finally a smile appearing on his face, so small, but oh so hopeful. "Yeah." He whispered.

Blake kissed Adam, and Adam melted into his gentleness, relaxing at the familiar warmth of his husband.

"Gush! I love you so much, you little one. You know that?" Blake spread his arms all around Adam, hugging him so tight. Adam's face was into Blake's neck, breathing his smell, and his arms trapped between them.

"I love you too."

When Blake's arms finally relaxed around Adam, Adam adjusted a little and rested his head on Blake's chest. A hand on the exposed skin, playing with his chest-hair, curling it around his finger.

Blake hummed, chin rested on Adam's head. "We should go to Hawaii, or Bali when this is over." he suggested. "Lay on the beach, eat some good sea food, ice cream..."

Adam nodded once. "That sounds really nice." he sniffed, rubbing his face in Blake's chest.

"It does." Blake agreed, brushing Adam's silky, raven hair backwards. "We'll have so much fun."

"Or, we can just go hunting or fishing, you like that." Adam chuckled.

"Yeah," Blake smiled. Then it was all comfortable silence. Blake's arms were around Adam's body, soothingly safe, and Adam's head was on Blake's chest, eyes closed, listening to his husband's heartbeats, magically matching his own.

"I love you so much, Adam."

Adam huffed a little smile. "I love you too."

It felt like the could stay the whole night saying just that, and not get tired of it.

"Good," Blake gave a devilish chuckle. Adam tipped his head just a little, quite confused at the answer. When he'd seen the smile on Blake's face, he arched an eyebrow. Blake continued, "Because what I'm about to do with you, requires unconditional love."

Blake's hand slid along Adam's torso and down to settle on the back of his thighs. Adam huffed a laugh.

"No, no, no, cowboy." He said, pushing the bigger guy away. "Doctor said no sex."

"Just for a while," Blake said, arms strong again around Adam. "I haven't touched you for so long.."

"No," Adam almost squeaked. back arched slightly, trying to keep himself away from Blake. But Blake was nailing him, pressing kisses on his bare neck. "Blake, please."

"C'mon, sugar, let me blow your mind."

"Blake," Adam had to call firmly, hands on Blake's chest. "Please, baby, it takes me really big efforts to control myself. I don't want anything to happen to you."

"Nothing will, honey."

"You don't know that." Adam said, nuzzling on Blake's cheek, " b'sides, I won't be able to enjoy it when I'm worried."

Blake pursed his lips with a pout, "Fine, at least, sleep with me tonight."

"Doctor said I shouldn't."

Blake frowned, "Well that doctor knows damn nothing." he snarled, sliding down until he was lying on his side, "Come here, just for tonight,"

"Blake," Adam gave a small protesting whine.

Blake didn't respond, only patted on the empty area next to him. Adam had to accept, Blake's expectant eyes were something he could never resist.

Sighing, he laid on his back, head on Blake's arm.

"Here you go," Blake mused as Adam started to adjust on his arm, "Come to doctor Blake, and he'll help you get better." Blake joked, hovering all over Adam. Adam couldn't hold back a loud laughter, a hand resting comfortably on Blake's chest. The effect of the laugh, waved through him and opened up his lungs for fresh air.

"Yeah?" He whispered close to Blake's lips.

"Of course." Blake assured, lost in his role. "Tell me what you're feeling, honey."

Adam's eyes shone for the first time in those three weeks, "Hmm, let's see." Adam hummed thoughtfully. "Lately, I've been unable to sleep well at night, I'm sure you could tell from the dark circles."

"Oh, definitely." Blake assured. "You don't have to worry, Mr. Levine, it's not serious."

Adam's laughed again, teeth gently making out with his lower lip. "No?"

"No," Blake shook his head. "It's 'away from my husband' syndrome, it's quite common."

Adam pursed his lips to stop his giggles. "Oh really? And what is that?"

"Just when couples have to sleep in different beds, they tend to be anxious and unable to sleep, especially if their partner is really hot."

Adam wanted to laugh again, "Well, my husband is really sexy, you are right. But, the doctor said that we can't sleep next to each other for a whole month, so.."

"I don't remember saying that at all.."

"Not you." Adam played with the hair on Blake's chest.

"You're seeing another doctor Mr. Levine? Should I be worried?"

Adam bit his lips and shook his head. "No, don't think so."

"Let me tell ya this, your doctor is a freaking idiot." Blake stated, "A guy like you is a cure for a sick guy."

Adam narrowed his eyes playfully, "Are you flirting with me, doctor?"

"Would it cause any troubles if I was?"

"My husband might kill you if he find out."

Blake's face got closer, "Is he the overly jealous type?" Their lips brushed, ghostly. Adam whined.

"He's so possessive. He hates when my friends casually touch me, or when I hug them."

"He must love you so much."

Their lips brushed again.

"Yeah." Adam reached out for Blake, hands soft on his cheek. "Please doctor, my lips are itchy, think you should examine them?"

"What about your husband, Mr. Levine?" Blake asked with a smirk. Eyes glowing, looking at Adam like he's a peice of gold. "The examination requires me using my lips, would he be okay with this?"

"Not gonna tell him." Adam closed his eyes, already expecting Blake to give him what he wanted. And Blake did. He leaned down and took Adam's lips between his, moving ever so slowly. Adam adjusted his head on his arms and melted in his warmth. Blake's breath was blowing on his skin, waving beautiful familiar feeling of content and pure peace through Adam's tensed body, relaxing it.

Blake separated his lips with his tongue and hugged his with a fluid motion. His legs settled in between Adam's, and suddenly, Adam had to push him slightly away.

"No sex, Blake."

Blake's response was a smile. A gentle smile that threw Adam into the sun. He leaned down again and kiss Adam. Tongue slurping him like he's some kind of an expensive ice cream and Adam loved it, the priceless feeling Blake was making him feel. He wanted to feel him more.

"My hair feels kinda funny, doctor. Could you examine it with your hand? I would really like that."

Blake chuckled and complied. He trailed his long fingers into Adam's warm hair, grazing gently on his scalp. Adam took a long shivering breath, eyes closed, enjoying the feeling of Blake's hand in his hair. "This is so good."

"I could tell," Blake kissed Adam again, licking him just the way he liked, biting him with just the right tension and sucking him just the way he wanted. Adam marveled; he missed Blake's attention, his touch and his love. It's been over a month since they last did this, and gush, it's still Adam's best thing in the world.

Blake's spare hand moved to Adam's stomach and rubbed in circles, something that Adam loved, especially after a huge fight. Blake knew him, and could read him like an open book. Adam gave a needy sound, loving how Blake's hand was moving in all the right directions.

"Blake.." his whine was short, but so needy. Though he loved Blake's hand on him, he had to stop for Blake's sake; he knew how much it turned him on. "no, not that."

"No? But my doctoral instincts is telling me that you love when I rub you lil' tummy."

Adam's laughter flattered in the air, "Doctoral instincts?" He continued laughing, "What is that?"

"Well, every doctor—" kiss " has 'Doctoral instincts'—" kiss "I'm surprised you didn't know—" kiss "that." Blake was still in his role. The glow in his eyes was so bright that Adam thought there was some kind light oozing out of him.

Adam laughed again. He'd always hated when he laughed that much, because it always meant that something bad was about to happen. That night, he didn't care and laughed like he hadn't laughed in months. It was like their first date, Blake was beautiful, so beautiful like the first time Adam laid eyes on him. Everything was like their first, their chat, kisses, make out.

Adam didn't want it to stop. If he could, he'd stay like this in Blake's arms forever. He would never get tired of Blake's face, shining blue eyes, his raw voice. He'd stay like this and he'll fucking enjoy every second of it.

But suddenly, his heart was aching.

"My heart kind hurts me, doctor." Adam confessed, the glow in his eyes still there, "Do you think you could give it a quick examination?"

"Of course," Blake leaned forward, pulling the elastic collar of Adam's white tee-shirt down. His lips lingered from Adam's neck and down to his chest and pressed kisses and small sucking right on his heart. But the ache never stopped. Suddenly, Adam's eyes were leaking, and nothing he could do was able to stop it.

Blake looked at him, "Does it feel better now?" he smiled, and Adam could hear himself laughing. But the tears still didn't stop, and... he couldn't feel his laughter. It was as if... he was hearing it from a recorded video.

"No"Adam heard himself say, this time he could feel his voice.

"Good," Blake gave him that big smile of his and leaned down to give him another kiss. Adam closed his eyes, hoping this would let his pain go.

He didn't feel Blake.

When he'd opened his eyes, Blake was gone. Just vanished in the thin air. And Adam was all alone in the room.

It was just a memory.

Adam's eyes stayed focused on the ceiling, tears falling down like rain, showering his face.

Blake was gone.

He closed his eyes again, running away from the sore reality. But his heart squeezed at the strike of another memory.

...

"Blake," Adam mumbled in his sleep. Blake was behind him with an arm around his waist and the other under Adam's head. "Baby, your freezing, pull up the duvet."

Blake didn't respond. Adam tried to move but couldn't because Blake's arm so strong around him. "Blakie," he giggled, twisting his neck just a little to look at Blake. It was when it electrified him. Blake was fully covered from shoulders to toes.