All Comments on '14 Hours Pt. 09'

You wrote that she would come up with the something. That's done definitely something. Hope its his and not some bad prank.

I'm liking this story but I'll be frank with you, I think the chapters are too brief. This chapter being an ideal example. I get that you have a natural stopping point at the end of the scene but a scene isn't a chapter, it's just a part of what should go into one. To me, that's what makes this story a little weak, and I'm asked to rate and comment on a 'chapter' where nothing really happens.

Anyway, as I said, the story it interesting but I think it being broken up into small chapters breaks the rhythm.

doing the man thing.