All Comments on '14 Hours Pt. 13'

This chapter was weird. It was well-written, and there's nothing egregiously wrong with it, but it doesn't seem like a complete chapter. it seems like a set-up for the second part of this overall story, rather than a standalone chapter in its own right. It doesn't continue from where the previous chapter left off, and the only development that happens (Kori returning) seems to be more set up than anything with impact. Honestly, the weird bombshell at the end of chapter 12 and the longer real-time gap between chapters had me assuming that the series had ended. Instead, this seems like the author lost interest in where they were going, and sort of rebooted the story with a ten-year gap and a few one-line explanations saying how certain characters had changed or plot developments had resolved. For readers invested in the story, hand waving those parts of it away is disappointing.

I criticize because overall I like this series. It has good verisimilitude for a sex story and the characters are believable and complex. I also like the author's tight writing style: they know when exposition helps the story and when the details just aren't as important as advancing what happens. I like that the story continued to be interesting once the mystery of the 14 hours was resolved, and despite my criticism of this chapter, I am looking forward to seeing where the author is going with Chloe.

Also, I'm still not sure why this series is in the Humor & Satire category. If I were looking for a story of this type, I wouldn't look in the H&S category; and when I was perusing the H&S category and decided to check this story out, it wasn't at all what I was looking for. Obviously, I liked it enough to stick around, however.

I knew Samantha would implode, but figured he was tired off by the mean streak. Good on him. I figured may be lilli after that comment about her fucking. Looking forward to more.

I hate to be a grammar nazi with someone who has a gift for pacing like CaffeineFetish, but when the same error shows up repeatedly, I can't help myself.

Passed is a verb and is used incorrectly as an adverb multiple times in these pages.

"He passed them on his way to work."

Past can be an adverb, adjective or noun relating to a location in time or space.

"He walked past them on his way to work."

I don't mind if it gets deleted, as long as the message gets passed along for future stories by CaffeineFetish. I will be reading them for my own enjoyment anyway.

It is past, not passed. Passed is the correct spelling, but of the WRONG word.

sounds like he mite be jealous