by demander
A bit brutal, but a 5. These stories are about differing responses to similar situations. I, for one, don’t worry too much about extremes - it is all fiction. The guy only lived for 750 words.
012Say is right, brutal, but well put together. The aftermath would be interesting to know. Did she hear the shot and come running back in. Did she come back the next day and find him or was the house swarming and she had to endure everyones ire for causing her husband to take his own life.
A good short tale!
One of the darker tales of a marriage ending.
Will a neighbor find him first? How devastated will the wife be upon returning home and discovering her husband's end? Will she be devastated? Remorseful? Angry? Happy to be free with the suddenly wealthier due to life insurance? Will the true reason. her infidelity causing his broken heart and crushed spirit, ever come out to his family and friends?
5*
I've had to clean up after a suicide. About the closest I've ever been to a nervous breakdown. A cousin I loved like a brother and he was a cocaine addict. It was summer and I had been working away , so it was a few days before I could start cleaning site. Cunt wife returning on Sunday is in for a real sensory experience.
nnaahhh man, if you're gonna go dark side then you gotta go whole hog. Should have jumped in his car and popped the dude at the stop light. Maybe just before offing himself he can also get the wife right in the stomach so she doesn't die but has to poop from a bag for the remainder of her life. Make her work harder for that strange she threw her marriage away for.
Writer. You could have ended the story any way you wanted. Why have the husband kill himself? A better ending would be he packs up all her stuff finds out where the lover lives and dumps all her stuff on his property. Basically cut off all connections with his soon to be ex wife and lives well.
This needed the wife's reaction when she got back. As others have said, maybe shoot the guy in the balls before killing himself. Then see where her mind goes.
@GarySmith69 said it all! Why didn't he help his wife getting in the car? After that he would kill the lover and leave her there with the dead future lover bleeding the maserati! Still a 750 words story! 1*
I didn’t care for this one. If he couldn’t get Ray, he could definitely have gotten Helen. Then when Ray came to investigate. Bam! Buster, being an expert with the 1911, could have dropped him at 100 yards, no sweat.
I would humble suggest to Demander that he do what Terry did…and rid LW of avoidable shit!
I'm no gun expert, but I have used a M1911 as well as the current military Glock 9mm.
But isn't the correct designation (M)1911A1?
There is no straight 1911A, always A1.
No. If he had shared to everyone on social media exactly why he was doing it, so that she would be blamed and shamed, that would be something. This is nothing. It will be covered up. Just terrible!
ZK
Honestly does no-one know anything... push a long box cutter blade or craft knife between the T12 and L1 vertebra. Swivel it from side to side to sever the spinal cord (not quite as easy as it sounds. Ask any anyone who has administered an epidural...) and leave them borh paralyzed from the waist down with a bag to shit in and another to pee in forever unable to have sex again. Then one can blow their brains out or run... run like Forest..
He showed her.
I know a guy who shot himself in the face in an attempted suicide over his wife’s infidelity. He survived, his face kinda didn’t. He was a good looking guy until he did that. Tragic. He lives with a disfigurement that stole a better life from him. There is no moral to suicide or to suicide attempts.
Still, this was not an unrealistic response to infidelity. Just a swerve into another, permanent, tragedy.
Fiction, but all too sadly like real life.
I've just phoned a friend about half an hour ago who I haven't spoken to in three or four years. I'd lost his contact details.
Last time I saw him, I'd helped him move into a house. He had moved in with a lady he had been seeing for a while.
He now lives in a different area and has a different job. He had to move and had been sacked from his last post. The relationship didn't work out his employer let him go, and he had to move to a new area all because of the accusations of violence towards the female. I wasn't there, I can't say what happened, but I severely doubt the violence. Alas, the punchline is often the same, a relationship comes to an end and the bloke is accused of violence. Strangely, I've seen more blokes who were worked over by women physically, not just mentally, than I've ever seen wife beaters.
Wow, the suicide really puts a dark, sad, and yet memorable end to this short tale. It is a bold ending, one that isn't often used but one that is seen in real life way too often. 5 stars
To all the people saying "you should have done this" or "should have done that"... its not your story, go write your own.
The author did a superb job. Granted its very dark but I would suggest truer to life than a lot of the stories in this category.
I agree with a comment below, this is a great start to many alternate endings. I hope someone continues the story.
Well done.
Short, one shot, wife didn’t care she is out getting some strange dick. Hope she finds the bloody body.
10 Big Blazing Stars, I have actually known 3 women whose husbands committed suicide. All three were exceptionally attractive busty blondes. The kind that every guy flirts with. All three were so guilt-ridden that it really affected their lives going forward. Eating a bullet is the ultimate "fuck you". The story is well written thks, Buster2U
Get the details right or leave them out. Getting one wrong tends to drop the reader out of the story. There are a thousand an done variations of that particular pistol based on John Browning's classic design. As a for instance, mine is a Colt Government Model, Mk IV, Series 70. But if you google 1911A you come up with zip, nada. The reason is that none of those variants is called a 1911A.
While suicide is a touchy subject to most, it is specially a hard subject for me. I have had family members and many friends including real life heroes of mine over the years commit suicide. That is the reason every time I consume one of these types of tales that cover suicide, I reflect deeply on the tale.
I am not going to deride your tale for the way you wrote it. You caught the emotion of losing one of the greatest things in your life and the consequences of that being lost. I do believe you hit the nail on the head with your tale. It raised my emotions not in an angry way, in a thoughtful way. While it was not enough of an emotional surge to rate an Outstanding Read ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ rating. It did earn the Excellent Read ⭐⭐⭐⭐ rating I gave it. That itself takes a lot of emotions.
I always enjoy the way you create your tales. The natural movement of your protagonist with the antagonist make them flow. You create a staging that allows the consumer/reader to move forward with the scene in their minds.
I am such a warped consumer because of my background journey’s. This one did just that for me. I could see the 1911 .45 ACP as the trigger was pulled causing the explosion in the casing. Then pressure pushing the projectile out of the casing. The projectile flowing down the barrel the riffling turning the spin of the projectile. Then leaving the barrel and entering the head at the side of the temple creating a medium entry hole. As it strikes the temple and enters the skull it begins to tumbles through brain creating a mass of mush. After creating the mush, the tumbling projectile strikes the opposite side of the skull creating a 5 inch diameter hole spewing the brain mush all over the sofa, lamp beside the sofa, wall and floor. Leaving this mess to ripen creating a 2 day stench for the Loving Wife to find upon her return in 2 days.
Many would ask why would the husband not just kill the 2 potential lovers instead of himself. I would suggest that your tale like many of your others was based in a simulated real world that the husband thought about many such scenarios. The one he stopped on was the one having the best outcome for him (no longer being a part of this world), creating the most traumatic impact on his spouse, and creating a mess that would be hard to cleanup after a 2 day staining period. Yes, I am laughing at my analysis of his reasoning. I did say I was a warped consumer.
I am sure this comment will be deleted because of its graphic nature. However, I really did enjoy your tale. I like consuming your creations because they are vivid and entertaining. Thanks for this one. I hope you continue to produce your brand of tales for us.
Keep Writing
JH4Fun
Not all stories have happy endings. I like the way you took this in so few words. Nice.
Good well-written story.
Suicide seems extreme, but he was childless and if, in addition, he had no close family, one can see that loss of marriage meant there was no reason to continue the struggle of life. Not that most people would commit suicide, but understandable.
I don't think that wife will grieve for very long.
Why suicide? That just frees her up to do whatever she wants. She didn’t really care about him anyway. He had no life, he should have left a note that he was going to find a better woman, not to bother him and leave a bullet on the note as a warning to leave him alone. Might make Ray a little nervous as well. She will end up lonely Terry would find a worthy woman to grow old with.
Hate stories that end in suicide. Emptying it into that mazerati would have sent the best message. Then let the chips fall where they may.
Sad story. Clearly, he had self-esteem issues. He deserved better, but this is reality all too often.
Needs a sequel. Believe it or not, not all head wounds are lethal. Perhaps she gets to come home to find she is now the caretaker of a near vegetable. Or perhaps he pulled the gun away a moment before he pulled the trigger and reevaluated his response. Then there is the scenario where she comes home to find his lifeless body and having to deal with the reality of her decision. What if the story follows her back to work? Lots of options.
As for me she would come home to a pile of all her smouldering possessions in the back yard. No money, no credit cards, no husband. Only a wedding band smashed flat and a "For Sale" sign in the front yard.
Well written, as is usual for Demander. My concern is him thinking suicide will punish her, it won't. It only hurts those who truly care about the deceased. This broad didn't care about him as she patted him on the head and left. The MC just did her a favor. She gets 100% of everything and (if past the suicide clause) his life insurance proceeds. He's dead and in a very short time, she's the merry widow waving her feet in the air.
This was tough. Well written however the ending was harsh and the husband paid too hard a price for a bitch.
I mean he clearly deferred to her so much that his whole self worth was how much she loved or needed him. So the fly away comment that she would just bone another man and might be back on Sunday completely crushed any will that he had to live. Sure he could just leave or divorce her, but in his mind she probably wouldn't care at all and he'd be left alone.
Blowing his brains out in the living room and his corpse/mess being left there to ferment for about 2 days however? That she'll HAVE to care about, and the judgement from their friends, family and neighbors as to why he'd do this.
Disclaimer- It is my personal belief that suicide should NEVER be a solution no matter how bad a situation with a cheating spouse gets. There were better ways that he could have handled this, but this was the will of the author, I'm hoping that alt endings get submitted eventually.
I'm not much into pistols. But I've had to deal with them over the years. One was a Colt .45 WWII gun. Run the number and you can find out all about that gun, including the place of manufacture and date produced. In this story, I used that gun because it would make a big mess. Always a bummer to come home to a messy house. D
I like this story. The one piece the commenters missed was the fact on the timing. The guy didn't want to be a cuckold. Until death do us part. He was dead before she hung the horns on him.
We will never know why he pulled the trigger and not take her out first. Since she's a lawyer he missed a service to society.
\
He lived for her, he was being replaced, he was crushed, his escape for his remorse was to never think about his broken love again. 1911 to the head is one-way you do not recover from... (He aimed well, as a 1911 requires a firm solid grip or it will not fire.)
\
We just hope she suffered but being a lawyer she just smiled all the way to the bank with her stud herd.
\
5***** Hooyah, my 1911 saved me in Nam and nearly ended me after I returned
What gets me to write comments is when writer, or some moron who added his comment are rubbishing other people. In this case it isn't a writer but shit called "NorthenCardinal".
Lit has option for people who are reading, to give opinions to the writers.
Some like them, some don't... and they can be disabled.
So when that asshole said, write your own if you don't like it... That is just stupid! (because of above statement)
If I want to pick hole in writer's story, then I can, but based on what writer already wrote, not something far out.
EX: He had a gun and was thinking of killing boyfriend, but BF didn't come to the door.
He could walk out with the wife, taken out both, and then go to the couch and do the same to himself.
Why would I say that?
Because writer prepared ground for it, and if I was in opinion that would be better ending, I could comment.
PS: I just wish that assholes like NorthenCardinal would get a life and don't come back!!!
If you are going to do the big ending, at least take out the wife and AP first! All that he has done is allowed her to profit by his estate, being the spouse. Plus, going direct to either his estate or direct to his wife, would be any Life Insurance payouts. (Note: the big S... does not invalidate life insurance unless it was taken out less that one year and one day ago.) At least that is standard in the majority of the Western Countries.
The way it was presented here, was the way of a coward.
Excellent story, well written. Suicide is not a solution. Guess Helen can have as many cocks she wants.
I’ve previously commented, telling the tale about a friend of mine who took his own life over a woman. I won’t repeat the story here, other than to share my own conclusion drawn from that painful experience. There is not a woman alive worth killing yourself over. There’s not! This from a man who has been married for over 30 years. Would it hurt if my wife ever cheated or left me?Of course. But women are common. They’re everywhere. After what would likely be some sort of mourning period, I’d be off to my next adventure - whatever that would entail. BRB
No cheating Bitch is worth You ending Your life and playing into their desires. Burn the Bitch not Yourself.
Why is it if the husband wants/needs more sex than his wife, he's expected to keep it in his pants, and suck it up when she says, "Not tonight, Honey, I have a headache," or whatever, but if the situation is reversed, he's expected to accept her having a lover?
\
Nope, nope, nope, nope! Should at least have used it on her first. Now she's free to get all the strange cocks she wants. Oh, she might be upset, mourn him for a while, but sluts like her recover, unfortunately.
\
@Oatmeal, life insurance usually doesn't pay for suicide.
\
@truthandjustice, I don't think she needs a note, it's all perfectly obvious.
\
@Anonymous Re: Gun model - That's why writers shouldn't get to specific, there'll always be some expert to pick it apart. Just say handgun.
\
Skip the 750-word concept and tell what happens when the wife gets home. No matter her true feelings toward him, that's going to shake her to the bone. If, as I believe, that she DOES care for him, she might pick up the gun and join him.
\
I also like ScorpioJJ's idea as an alternate ending.
Dark, but good. IMHO not a bad solution. The rest of her life will be affected, probably the ultimate BTB. And his problems are over. Hard to imagine him going to a worse place than what she made it...
That was unexpected. My compliments on an original ending to a frequently used trope.
His original idea was good. He could have asked her to invite him in. She would have just to humiliate him more. Then bang, a head shot. Then, a short talk with her, then another bang, this time a gut shot to prolong her suffering. Then, while watching her writhe in agony, bang a third and final head shot. Give the poor sucker a little humility.
Poor bastard, Terry shouldn't have shot himself for that whore or her master... I really enjoy your writing!
Very harsh ending/ Perhaps the real loser will get her just reward in another episode of the LW
Different view than Regguy69, don’t think motivation was punishment in his mind the MC escaped.
Let her find the mess and deal with her emotions. I bet the new sex won't be worth it.
Well it is the ultimate guilt trip for a cheater to live with the knowledge that their actions has caused their spouses death
damn that would have been a badass aftermath story. all this did was leave me wanting it
In many of these "I'm going on a date" stories, I often think this makes the most sense.
Maybe not right away. Maybe after cleaning out all bank accounts and donating all of it to various suicide awareness non profits.
4 stars, it’s a tough call for me, in a way I like the MC, he’s not a crybaby begging he’s wife to stay and be faithful, he does take the the fast way out. There could be more to this story.
Yep, suicide is rough. Lot's of folks have said they preferred a less...lethal...approach for Terry Baker. I agree that versions where he does something different would be interesting. Fun fact, you can easily etch brass with a nine volt battery, some wire, a cotton ball, and a little salt water. Wouldn't it be fun if Terry disappeared and Ray Bland came home with Helen to her and Terry's house one night? They could find two .45 ACP hollowpoint rounds sitting on the kitchen bar. One each, etched with the names Ray Bland and Helen Baker. Then they can start to worry.
Should of shot her as she went to walk out the door, and then shot himself with a note explaining why.
Hopefully Terry took the time to ruin his wife's life prior to the event give all there money to a charity have a detective follow and document her meeting with a co worker send it to all family friends and her work. but he wont be first or the last to end his life due to a selfish cunt!.
Can't see it. If he's made the critical decision to end his life, he's got nothing to lose by hunting down Ray and his wife first.
OK. You end with a suicide. Not great but the Interesting part would be the fallout. I understand the 750 words constraint, but to just end a pretty boilerplate story prompt with a bullet to the head is unsatisfying. If that's the way you want the story to go, then that's the least interesting part. OK, cucked husband offs himself, now what? You wrote a standard "Honey we need to talk" and then just mike dropped after all the retread ground.
Yeah dark place that a mind can take a person and the really weird thing is will that action really hurt the wife or will she turn it around and blame him.
Geez man. Well at the very least show what happens when she either came home or received the call from neighbors about an ambulance and a gunshot or some shit man.
I am poor suicide, nearly rated it one star because I truly hated it, but in the end well told for what it was so ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
1* at best for me due to the ending and leaving the fallout hanging.
MC is willing to kill Randy, but, oh well he only honked the horn, might as well eat lead? Wow, is all I can say. If he was going to kill himself, why not at the very minimum, open the front door and put several rounds through the front windshield killing the BF. Then while wife is screaming, say something that will haunt her the rest of her life, royally screw with her head, then eat lead! That would have been creative.
The ending totally ruined the short story.
IF you're gonna do THAT, shoot her FIRST!
Then show up at the hotel and take Ray with you! ))
Needed an ending where she found the body and her whole life was financially ruined because of her being a slut.