All Comments on '1STGIRL'

That's not how a hymen works. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ikXim4wevc

That's not how a hymen works. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ikXim4wevc

Like really? Were you one of the fems that marched in Washington with a twat on your head! or wearing one/a twat? Wtf really beotch, get out the way! Yeah female here, not a stupid one btw!

you lost me with that phrase

Remember, Mary had a vast doll collection.

Barbie is a doll, her doll boyfriend is, Ken

She stuffed Ken's head up her anus.

Between February being in summer, masturbating with the head of Ken in her rectum and brushing her "decay free teeth", I never made it past the half way mark of the first page. This sounds like it was written by a very immature, very young teen girl. Don't give up your day job.

Please get an editor; bath and bathe are different. The spell check does not necessarily guarantee the use of the proper word.

Dolls...Up your rectum.. Was getting into it

Then that lost me completely.

Strange...NOT MY CUP OF TEA.

Your other stories are much better..

Yes I'll admit some of it didn't make sense, but it still got me all hot and bothered. I will read more of your stories.

You have the potential for a really good story, but I agree with the comment above, you need a good editor. Is the man Allen or is he David? You kept switching back and forth between the two names. You used the word buy when you meant by. You had numerous other spelling and context errors that detracted from the over all reading of the story. I am not trying to be too critical, it's a great head start. Give it to a good editor, make corrections, and get busy with episode two of this story.

Appreciate the comments regarding an editor.

Have contacted several editors, but to no avail.

I thought it was very well done, not too wordy or goofy. Honestly i usually notice homonym errors but was too into the story to notice. My only fault was where it ended. I yelled "NO!". Please do a next chapter. I would love to edit it.

The rectum is on the inside of the body. It would be much more anatomically accurate if you said she licked his "anus" or "asshole" whenever you're referring to surface stimulation on the outer ring.

complete trash just like little things with allen being a bastard just like david .he took her anal virginity with zero foreplay and zero romance as if he is grooming her like pimps grove new pros into buisness you suck whats the point of all those character building of mary if the allen guy is complete insincere insensitive ungrateful bastard like david

cant the bastard see she is in love with him while he just wants her special first time nothing but just casual mary deserves better