All Comments on '24 hours, 5 years, 10 months Ch. 01'

I know this is only ch. 1 but for a lot of us this is a complete tale. A stupid cunt who couldn't keep it in her pants. Caught two weeks before the wedding. The hell with her. What's next?

I enjoy stories that do not depart from reality. This story is believable and carries much more force because it could be true. Even the way the main character handles the situation is true to what a middle class, thinking man might do given the circumstances. I also appreciated not hearing one word of doubt regarding ending the relationship! Even the idea of forgiveness and living with betrayal makes me sick.

I would back off on the number of "I's" in the story. Instead of "I walked up the stairs I entered the room I hear them screwing". Try "The last stair creeked under my weight, entering the bedroom to be met by the sounds of them screwing". Otherwise it's like a "What I did on my Summer Vacation" essay. Thanks for sharing

Sadly after 5000 chapters the humiliated almost married cuckold will forgive and allow the whore back in.

This is the writers modus operandi.

For this chapter a 5.

"It was just trust. It meant everything." Terrific line.

But how did he get into lover boys phone? My phone locks up if I don't do something with it for 1 min. Aren't most so called smart phones the same?

Also why is he running away?

It was basically Jerry Springer fodder with lo-tech edge. The characters never got real. Props, however, for " it was just trust, it meant everything " retort. That was the most novel part of the story. Author showed originality for fleeting second, that's better than most stories to be found here.

It was very jilted in parts. It didn't flow as nicely as it could have. it wasn't a bad story but it wasn't great either. Just needs more practice.

but I'll probably read the next chapter. Too many characters for one page. Mostly past tense, but occasionally slipped into present tense.

I liked it!

Only things:

1) Breakneck speed on the pacing...to a fault. I felt a little dizzy, as this guy ran circles around in what amounted to a very short span of time in-story.

2) I LOVE stories that allow the main character to have a strong support base of friends. However, Introducing names left and right made it a little hard to keep track of who was who, who was there, and who was just being talked about.

3) Agreed that his "It was only trust, and it meant everything!" line was the true pearl, and standout line of the piece. That said, the confrontation is always the best part of these stories, and I think that more time should have been spent. The entire story could have taken place within the framework of that confrontation(i.e. the reasons for cancelling the wedding, the extent of her betrayal, etc.) and this story would have still worked. Instead....

4) we only got a brief, yet rushed, retelling of events in a journalistic style (lacking emotion), and an overall sense of "well OK" instead of " Well Done!"

Since this is the start of a series, I wonder if future chapters will have him revisit this event with more reflection and insight. Perhaps the stylistic "Blur" of this first chapter episode is in fact a crafted ploy that later presents itself as a function of the character's memories. But, I caution the author, that it is too easy for readers to just rate stand alone chapters on their own merit; especially when it seems that they COULD have been their own self-contained flash story. No worries, however, as I'm sure most of the experienced Literoticans here WILL give you the benefit of the doubt, and the chance to prove out this story arc in coming chapters. But, it will be twice as easy to let those SAME readers down, if this abbrievated style of storytelling (flashes and brief glimpses) continues....

Thankyou for your efforts, and good luck!

this story shows the right way to treat a cheater. she had it all planned to be unfaithful to him no matter what and hope that he didn't find out. the way he did it he saved face for himself and got some revenge on her. hope to read the rest of the story

Okay... Slow down..... Take a breath......

Great content but very fast pace......

Betrayal is terrible because it causes pain. This guy in particular wasn't even married yet, so the hurt he experiences is the entire cost of the affair. Why you would rush past that, especially in a story that is meant to lead in to a lengthy 'finding happiness again' story, I cannot guess.

BTB stories often fail for the exact reason this one does...they are so fixated on the revenge they want to dish out that they sacrifice everything else without cause, and they never see that this decision is hurting their own intentions.

They undersell the reason that the revenge is "necessary" by making their hero autistically unemotional enough to be unphased by the infidelity...or they try too hard to tell us that said hero is a great or clever guy and just end up making him sound full of himself...they do that Atlas Shrugged thing where one character goes around lecturing others with the most simple and repetitive of ideas for pages at a time, and all these previously-clueless people just listen intently and are swayed by every word...or they simplify the supporting characters until they become lifeless cartoons and you lose all buy-in...at the end of the day, if the people in the story don't feel remotely like people, who even gives a shit whether the revenge was clever?

And all of his friends? That obviously stood behind him when he needed help? He's essentially letting her run him out of town. Bad choice on his part. And this seems to be over. Why would you need a second chapter? She's a cheating slut, they are done, he's moving on. The story is finished. No sense in beating a dead horse.

I get so tired of hearing about how he isn't a wimpy little crying bitchy little pussy. That means because he isn't showing his emotions. What does he need to do, oh she hurt my heart, so I gonna kill myself. Not all men are pussy like some of these commentors.

Seeing is probably a waste of time and money. Does she have any assets to attach..? I can't believe she would give him the line it was just sex. Why would she get married if she wanted to screw her brains. Out?

It was no over the top violent revenge, just exposure. Five stars.

good start to it. great way to handle the situation. will wait on ch. 2 to rate it. so far, so good.

Good read. Will follow with anticipation.

MCPOJim

I understand people write in the present tense for the sense of immediacy and to add tension to the narrative. This is a style first done perhaps a century ago. However not everyone has the skill to put the reader into a film noir mood as if you're behind the camera silently skulking around. In most cases it gives the impression of I'm making this up as I write. Needs an editor badly. Three stars for the story and effort.

Good start.. And.?

I too loved the line about trust is everything. I am hoping the writer will not reconcile them. One thing which struck me was her telling him to wait at the end. Is the whore pregnant??? Odds are it is his if she is and the story dynamic will change.

I hope the writer remembered this sentence:

The wedding has been PERMANENTLY cancelled and her belongings have been placed on my driveway awaiting anyone to pick them up for her.

Wonder what happened to Jeff and Tammy too.

So far a five!!

First he has to drive 80 miles to work, then he had only a 10 minute drive from the customer to home? How does that happen?

Also, I don't know about whatever town this is; but how does he only live 10 minutes away in rush hour? It doesn't work.

At that point I stopped reading. If the author can't make sense of the timeline then I don't believe they will write anything else well either.

I'm an unhappy sack of poop.

Is anyone really entertained by this sorry soap opera stuff?

five stars.

Whackadoodle

Re-read the early part. He worked in town (10 minutes away!) The client was 80 miles away. He never left the shop at his work; instead he fixed one of the defective machines he WAS going to drive to the client (who also had asked for a 1-day delay from the scheduled delivery time.) He drove home to get lunch. Sweetie should have also been at her work! But she wasn't!

go Cold Turkey and chop off the spoils. TK U MLJ LV NV

My friends...read it well...His work was 10 m from his house...the client was 80 miles from work...he never went to the client...He is a lucky man...found out about her just in time...3*

The end is rather sketchy - needs to be filled in.

It says chapter one.

Its not finished numbskull

The rumor is you're a RAAC. Me too, but as I finished this first chapter I didn't see much hope. He's moving out of state so I suppose he takes his wounded pride and low esteem someplace else and finds another wounded soul. Maybe Gail will follow him. I'd like that.

I saw someone knocked you for using too many I's. That is a problem we all have when going with the first person format.

Looking forward to your next installment.

I gave this chapter a five.

Good first chapter. I like the way of American when a wronged spouse discovers not only his/her spouse is cheater but other (friend, relative) the wronged spouse give information to the other famliy"s wronged spouse.

However the spreading the fotoes and videos in wide community is dangerouse. Among relatives, friends, collegues or (to the wronged spouses of other families) are the circles where the fotoes and videos can be published without criminal problem.

I do not understand why do not the authors and readers think to be TRUE ROMANTIC a wronged spouse (husband or fiance) find happiness again with other woman. After being betrayed by woman (wife, fiancée) to find happiness with other woman is a big step, because many men lose their trust in women for long time so the TRUE ROMANTIC WHEN SUCH WRONGED SOUL FINDS HAPPINESS OTHER WOMAN and not the reconciliation................

He tells his fiancé she will soon have to leave the state because she is so easily recognized.

The house was his family home. He had grown up in it.

But he contacts a realtor and puts in for a transfer?

Will find out in Ch. 02 what the Title means?

Good parents, but shitty daughter? Selfish, simple-minded, unprincipled, no self-respect, yet this whorish slut keeps her true nature hidden from her long time lover and friend? She thinks sex is separate from love, and sex is nothing special, nothing of honor and beauty, yet he has never noticed her cavalier attitude toward their sex life, flirting, probably teasing other men?

I will rate this once I see how the whole story works. Right now it looks suspicious that you are setting up the reader for some real character spoofing. Like some real farfetched excuse, or totally unbelievable twist will happen to make the plot work out the way you want, rather than the way such a plot would logically flow. We'll see.

Obviously very thought provoking, so Kudos for that. Its not bad, but I hope it gets better.

....with a couple of issues already brought up by others (fathers disowning daughters, fiancées without a clue about morays and proclivities, selling an inherited family home, etc.).

But, I liked how he handled his dilemma, even if the descriptions and things he did were a bit muddy....and in spots, too abbreviated to work well. But those are style concerns, not issues with the story, per se.

Looking forward to the rest of the story....and we'll see what we see.

Look forward to the rest whether it is RAAC or BTB, both can be fun but I have a feeling that Duna will be lamenting at the end given the authors track record.

@ bruce22 Why will I lament at the end of this story?

According to my favorits on LW this story is not the top, but I gave 5***** to this chapter.

(Vulcez, "How Are You?", FrancisMacomber "The Six O'Clock News Slot", Longhorn_07 "Fool Me Once", StangStar06 "Forever Gone, Forever You", BeerMaker "Dawn: A Cheating Slut Wife, itmgr2010 "Black and Tan Blues",

Harddaysknight "Not Guilty", Seurat "Homecoming Call", Cpete "Family Guy",

OldHideki "How Does it Feel to be a Cuckold?", Paoatoad "Telephone Blitz" and other stories..........)

@ Duna

You will lament because the rest of the story is posted under Romance ( chickenshit move) and is a RAAC.

@ Jounar I have not known so I will not read the more chapters.

I think the most interesting Romance to find happiness with OTHER WOMAN as the cheater earlier (ex wife, ex fianceé or ex girlfriend) was. After the betrayal lot of men lose the trust in every woman for a long time so to find the love with newer woman is the true not banal romance the nowdays. The very high cheating rate among wives and girlfriends change the meaning of not banal romance stories to such story where the second/third woman will be the right woman after any cheating betrayal. I found a lot of RAAC nowdays so I will not write too many RAAC.......................I agree the forgivenness, but after the happy succesful connection with the second/third woman (for example second/third marriage)!

what was borrowed wasn't blue..TK U MLJ LV NV

I'd like to thank those of you who mentioned that the rest of the chapter's are RAAC. I will end it here.

what does RAAC stand for?

Reconciliation At Any Cost

Its a term that a select group of morons use to describe any story where a reconciliation occurs whether its justified or not. These people think they are perfect and so their significant other should be as well. These people are total hypocrites and are usually cheaters themselves. When they say they hate fags it means they themselves are gay. And if they say burn the bitch, they really mean they want to eat the creampie.

RAAC isn't about being perfect, it's about authors warping characters to fit a narrative that frankly defies all suspension of disbelief. If you want to write a romance, write a romance, but don't start that romance with one party completely destroying the other party and then not have any consequences for those actions.

As for this tale, I wouldn't call it RAAC, but it is a reconciliation tale. The author does actually grow his characters, place challenges in front of them to surpass, and generally weaves a tale that you can believe leads to a reconciliation.

It's not an ending I could personally foresee for myself, given the circumstances, but then I'm very good at divorcing emotions from actions and would have placed Gail permanently into the "acquaintance" category (at best) from the destruction of the engagement on.

I forgot I read this before. Upon finding out the remaining chapters were about him getting back with this stupid piece of human waste, I read no further. I choose to end it here , as well, this time.

He is the stupid piece of human waste. What she did was wrong but what he did was just be an asshole. He ruined many people's lives and she is much better off finding out what a bastard he was before she married him.

There is not justification for what she did but he certainly overreacted and will have to live with the consequences for the rest of his life.

that she was a lying, cheating, deceitful betrayer before marrying the skank. Also it was better that those who whom she lied about her reprehensible behavior found out the truth of the matter. He probably saved scores of hapless men from pain at her hands.

There will be a segment of society which shares the "it was just sex" mentality and she should fit right in.

Everybody wins.

MGBDallas and anyone else who thinks Jim is some kind of monster or asshole.

You are fucking idiots. Probably sissified cucks.

The depth of utter betrayal, disrespect, and dishonor, deserved NOTHING less than what he did.

Not only did the cheating cunt think nothing of her wretched behaviour, but planned to continue with the douchebag even after marriage.

He was perfectly right to do what he did, and be so grateful he found out what a cunt she was before marriage and worse, kids.

Now I just hope he doesn't wallow in self pity and finds a good woman.

I love it, total destruction on 3 cheaters, the fiance, the lover & her cheating best friend, LOVE IT!!!!

He did what an sane man would do, get rid especially the duo were going t continue after the marriage. By doing it now he saved a lot of money.

Well written always enjoy it when the injured party comes off best.

...to be good with the new technology. I can't even send or receive a text message. Hope I don't undergo a life crisis!

Mgbindallas, it's better to keep your mouth closed and have people think you a fool, than open it and remove all doubt.

7 chapters of RAAC hidden inside romance to keep the score high-2 to every chapter.

If annony hates it, the story MUST be GOOD

I don't know how many more chapters but without an editor to correct your grammar I won't be reading more.....

All women are lying, cheating sluts when they get a chance.

On the very next page you'll see how terrible the writing is, when you laugh at the completely inhuman characters.

Others may disagree with me but despite the author’s statement in his intro to the story, I don’t consider this to be a BTB story at all. The only thing that happened is that two people who were cheating on their ‘significant others’ were exposed for all the world to see. The Truth came out. The cheaters hid their assignations because they knew that what they were doing was wrong and hurtful to others. So they deserved what they got, they just didn’t get everything they deserved. Had they, then it might have been a BTB story. .D.

A very good story with cheaters who destroyed their own lives. Maybe not a real BTB, but close enough.

The wonder of email and text messaging is how quickly you can give someone a REALLY bad day!

Every woman is a lying, cheating slut when they think they can get away with it.

She cheated caught and kicked to curb

"The memories from me growing up here were the only things keeping me here."

What about all of his good friends? They are nothing but memories to him? He sounds like a shitty friend.

Another willing cuckold story.

To be young, immature, unwilling to go beyond simplistic answers (golly, this sounds like a political movement) then the one size fits all answer satisfies. To be reflective, willing to evaluate people to see who they are, what has changed, what can now be trusted.... well ....

I'll be interested to see where you go with the rest of this story. It's a pretty fair start but I'd really like to see a story that goes somewhere a bit different after the initial reveal; that lets the pain and questioning lead somewhere other than wish fulfillment.

Took smart way although I would have used bat

"I'm sorry that you were hurt, I didn't mean to hurt you. It was just sex. It didn't mean anything."

Can anyone EVER not use this in every cheating spouse story?

Very clever.

You do need to extend this story a bit more.

Good story very well written⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Good story, luck on his side.

He should reconsider moving out of state. It isn't easy to find that many people willing to go to bat for you. Running away now that he gotten rid of her is overkill.

Per iameasel "I'm sorry that you were hurt, I didn't mean to hurt you. It was just sex. It didn't mean anything."

Can anyone EVER not use this in every cheating spouse story?

This is how people who can't take responsibility act and talk. What are they going to say, "I'm sorry my actions caused you pain, I meant to hurt you. and the sex was great and very meaningful." This is how guilty people make excuses. If they took responsibility, they wouldn't be there apologizing trying to get back with their husband/boyfriend.

Wow.... terrific. 5 stars.

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 Nicely done.

This whole series makes me vomit, knowing where you are going with it.

I dislike the “send proof to everyone we know” trope. The husband is now telling the world that he got punked. Why do that? I’d send to her parents / siblings. Maybe threaten to send it to nudge her to accepting the divorce

Not much to say, well written and good reply to the bitches explanation. Cause and effect. Whenever I read one of these I realize they are not far from reality and I always wonder why do people get married?5 stars

How could he have missed all her screwing around for so long? D

Well-written, original story. Thank you.

Ed

Good BTB

I like that BTB.

jopstorm1945

Crying?! Pussy wimp

Oh I really like this, you didn’t make it so over the top that it was stupid, you kept it near posable,

Weak.

All about the technique, and nothing about the human beings. Was he really that dense that he was engaged to a self absorbed deceitful immoral whore, but never discerned that she lacked any integrity, values, or self respect. "It was just sex" means that her fucking her fiance' didn't mean anything special go her, she's just a piece of ass and who and how many she fucks is not relevant to anything important. That is the thinking of a sociopath. Whoever was fucking her did the MC a favor.

Need some grammar and syntax editing.

Good story. Try for mote fluid dialogue