All Comments on '2cd Choice'

The author has a fantastic ear & eye for quirky, authentic dialogue issuing from characters from multitudinous walks of life. Sometimes, however, less is more. The snotty stepsister & college basketball coach are examples of characters that had exposition all out of proportion to prominence in plot.

Anthony was a sharp character in most facets of life, but a simpleton in love. Lucy was cute, sweet but also a bit of a one trick pony without special skills or wit to make A. fall like ton of bricks. Some key facets were a bit incongruous with the main characters. The dramatic climax of Marco's return was underwhelming.

Still there's so much to praise. I especially loved the senior dirty Harriet and cop vignette. That action hit excellent tense, then hilarious high points. JimBob44 doesn't marginalize the downbeat players in this 'dramedy'. Bottom line, one has to have an ' ice heart' to root against the two main characters hooking up.

This is a coin flip between 4 or 5 stars in my personal eval but the dearth of recent stories with this deph nudges the scale to full marks. Jambalaya isn't orderly, but oh so tasty ...like this read.

Folks, JB44 is a student of human nature, and writes about life, plain and simple. Yep, Ice heart was real, wasn't it? Lucy was actually smart enough to smell the coffee, and Antonio wasn't 2nd choice, after all. I'm a real fan, and Louisiana is a different place, and that ain't a joke.

I liked the story, I liked the character's and their quirks. The story did seem more like a fairy tale than something that would ever happen in real life. Just the same it's nice to beleive that something nice like that could happen to someone with a truly open heart.

Yes, it's a bit of a quirk of mine, but "you're" and "your" are different and not exchangeable. On the other hand, an enjoyable story.

About the Spanish thing, I'm Spanish and yes, I found the use of Spanglish actually refreshing.

didn't suck wasn't shit. enjoyed the hell out of it. not qualified to judge grammar and the like. but i know when i like a story. thanks

I was so taken by your story that I voted for the first time ever.

I voted incorrectly -- without reading the scoring, I voted a one as in #1, the best.

I will use my wife's computer to negate my vote with a 5.

First few paragraphs were hard to follow, but the story was great.

Hero, Girl, Lousiana, basketball...........She wasn't a whore, he's not a cuckold. Knows the kids isn't his. She never lied about being pregnant and she has the balls to testify against the sluts that tried to kill her. She treats him like a "King". She say's fuck the ex and Anthony is stepping up to the plate. Gotta love it. Outstanding Tale.

Nicely done. Its a breath of fresh air to read a real story with a plot and characters the reader idenntifies with. Loved Lucy she was a hoot Great read

I have enjoyed this story as much as the other ones that you have posted. If there is any negative comments, please ignore. You obviously enjoy writing these submissions as much as most of us enjoy reading them.

Many Thanks.

Dialog is hard to do for a lot of people, dialect is very difficult to do. If it's not your speaking voice, you're another Elmore Leonard. I don't recall others stories by you, but I'll know them by this time next week.

It took a while to get use to the dialect, but it was worth it. A 5'5" fat basket ball player is sort of over the top, though.

Chilley

It took me a while to get in the story, but once it took off I couldn't stop. Well done! I liked this romance. 5*

I enjoyed the spin you put on the classic damsel in distress/knight in shining armor tale. It was a fascinating and unique read. Somehow, I do not believe this is the end for Lucy and 'Antonio', at least I hope not. There is a baby to be born, and a threat was made to take the child away, parents who kicked their daughter out, and other very slight open ends.

I found all the characters interesting and nicely developed. Not too overdone, but just enough for this part.

The way Lucy talked as others have pointed out added to the story. Her mannerisms and the way she handled herself with honesty, strength, and truth in spite of the adversity of her life was good. She has nothing to hide about herself. Anthony felt real, and his feelings about himself, Lucy, and life were also good.

I am not sure why this was posted in Loving Wives, they were not married. For me it was a romance. Of course if you have written or are writing a sequel, then perhaps you wanted them all in the same category.

If you wish to turn off anonymous comments, you can do so on your profile page too.

Thank you JB44,

M1

was the first of your stories I read. 2cd choice is the second. Neither will be the last of your works that I read. Wonderful, is an understatement referring to your writing.

It was pretty disjointed and some of the grammar and spelling made it harder to understand.

But overall I like the story. I have a feeling in real life Lucy would be annoying as hell, hehehe. I mean, no-one can be that happy. She was the perfect balance to the protagonist's miserable existance and she helped to drag him out.

with the very non conventional characters -- interesting

plot etc. Yep, it's really out there in the excellent range.

5*

Hard to follow at times, and would like to know what happened to Marco's sluts, but this story made my day. Mrs. Lewis was hilarious but oh so typical of ladies in the South (I live in TX and all the little old ladies are packin' - you don't mess with them). Well done!

The story had too many "Cut to" scenes for me to understand what was going on... Just as I grew comfortable with two characters interacting, the scene changed and two characters who I did not know from Adam came and started acting all familiar with me. Not my idea of a good read.

On the first page the writer introduces abt 30 persons in the plot, with first and family names - a real jumble. Over the next pages he introduces a dozen more. It is generally considered that a short story should have limited number of characters, but in this story the writer have just as many as a full length russian novel. This made the story barely readable. The plot in itself was interesting and would have been a so much better read with a slimmer set of cast.

Constructive criticism ? Just that this should have been categorized as "romance" and that it is really too predictable. The story was a decent time killer though, thanks for posting.

An enjoyable read and an interesting story.

Thanks for the good read

I tend to agree with there being a lot of characters to keep straight but it worked - especially since some were people we already knew (if you have read the authors other stories)

While it may have ended up being somewhat formulaic it was still nicely done and the formula is a good one - She was a good girl - sorta and certainly a loyal one.

Mrs Lewis is a pure winner -

The whole fat Bball player is a great idea too -

So thanks for some fun -just be careful with the dialect it can get very hard to read and properly interpret - i am still not sure there weren't tense and usage errors even in the mangling LOL

and very enjoyable. Liked the way you wove the english, spanglish, spanish in.

Nice.

Thx

Sweet and nicely done story!

You have a good story here, but, it is too long. A good deal of the setup could be dropped (as if I could write anything) and then we can work on why I couldn't figure out where this thing was going for too long.

I want to read your other submissions and see how you are progressing. Thanks for allowing us a chance to read this story.

I felt like I needed to play catch up with some of the early characters, but I thought the story was sweet, funny and very engaging. Can't wait to read more.

When a 'copter starts up, the wings (blades) start a slow spin, with a deep thump-thump sound. They go faster and the pitch increases. Before it is ready to lift off, there is a lot of breeze coming off, really fast rotation and a high pitched sound.

This story is kinda like that...starts slow, but inexorably keeps winding up. You think it has gotten there, but it just keeps on spinning up! Loved it. Yeah, there were characters that didn't contribute to this story significantly, but that was (finally) explained. Superb story.

My only problem was that it was a little hard to follow. A little too chopped up. But overall, not a bad story.

Loved it! Thank you for sharing your story with us!

I was going to rate it 5* as it is a very sweet story, but seeing as you do not want

anonymous comments you obviously do not want the rating either.

Just outstanding. I first found An Afternoon on the Basin. From your bio page, my next choice was 2nd Choice. And you have dozens more where they came from!

Some of the best storytelling on LW. I'm currently reading Swamplandia!, a novel about an alligator wrestling family in the Everglades. James, your storytelling, your quirky characters, your humor, your slightly dark side all put you in that league.

rj

This is one of my favourite stories on this website. I have read this story almost 7 times. This story inspired me to write one myself. I'm posting it soon.

So nice you had the drama Of Anthony thinking Lucy was going to go back to Marcus. It was a major part of the plot.

But when push came to shove you didn't go on and on with brain dead characters after they met up.Rather you gave it closure at a reasonable speed,but still portrayed the angs well.

Thanks for the entertainment much appreciated

This is a fantastic story. In fact, while I can't say I like all your stories, I have read them all, enjoyed them all, and am a huge fan.

Thank you for writing....

A chubby guy with a heart of gold and a self esteem problem get's the girl of his dreams.

Can't beat that.

To Hell With Anonymous. Do what makes you happy and trust in your heart.

Like you I read for enjoyment and usually with my wife who also really loved the story. As for the people who will not leave a name---well to hell with them. Cowards are cowards and would prefer to be unknown. Please keep writing and we will keep reading.

Thank you for Another enjoyable story. A bit muddled at the beginning but it kept me reading until the end.

I look forward to reading more.

How a story should be...Good reading

Great story, entertaining

One of the worst. "1*" !

for some its beyond imagination. TK U MLJ LV NV

so many names. I'm not certain all these characters were needed. BTW - Which, if any, were the loving wives? This was a cute little tale that could have been enhanced with editing/proofreading. 5'5" tall. Really?

That "end" doesn't fit the story, unless there's a sequel in the future.

Also the guy is 5' 5" and 238 pounds ... really, it's hard to see such a short fatty guy playing basketball. Maybe 5' 9" or 5' 10" with the weight could make the intro less shocking.

In short words it's a good start. 4 stars.

I like your story.

Good idea and writing.

while I've read versions similar this seemed kind hearted and fresh. The ending was a bit abrupt, but still good.

The title "2cd choice", and other errors in word choice.

I do not refer to Lucy's word.

You need a good editor.

The wrong words or misspelled break a reader from your story.

Antony has found a new Cleo. TK U MLJ LV NV

Well drawn characters, interesting personalities, and drama, all make for an excellent story. Your stories remind me of Elmore Leondard's, I'll happily put up with word errors for such great stories,

Chilley

He took a chance and came out a winner. Hot babe, respect from father and the kid although isn't his. He knew the woman was pregnant and stepped up, no betrayal to get the kid. She'll stick with him to the end.

Still a great story. All of it is believable. Regular people regular problems...

There should be more to this, like when the baby is born have the doctor help them out by saying it is his child. And then a court day for the two who tried to kill her, and maybe a piece in the future whee they have one or more child as well as the her first.

Great story I loved it.

Five stars

I can't remember what was wrong with this story and if there were errors I wouldn't comment about them. I am a sicker for happy endings!.

A VERY good story.

Took me a bit to get used to the slang language, but it fits with the character development. For me, I found that the slang language actually improved the story because I had to concentrate on following the dialog so I was able to get more into the characters.

Great story.

Good story. I thing it needs a sequel .

Nice read. Felt like the prelude to a bigger story yet stood on its own.

now that is a very good story, I loved reading it, made me lol a few times, would love to read a chapter 2 or 3, so tell me does a .45 have more recoil than a .357, an lastly I hope to one day meet a real Lucy, just like the Lucy from your story, keep up the great effort. looking forward to reading many more.

Thanks foe taking the time to write a Good guy wins story.

I fell in love with several characters...Lucy, Anthony, and Mrs. Lewis. I do hope there will be more stories about the characters in this story...the good, the not-so-good, and the worthless. I love stories with a lot of dialogue. Easy 5-star rating.

As a Yankee I get lost sometimes in the cultural differences between upper mid-west and Louisiana.

Dialogue was off the map crazy funny. Lucy was a magnificent character that propelled this story in to stardom. Five stars for Lucy!

I liked it. From one old man to another, good story. How did it take me so long to find your work?

I liked the story......well written.

Calif native - SoCal born, NorCal raised. Navy brought me to the New Orleans area in the early '90's. Louisiana remains my home. So love ur exposition.

Nice story man, Its great to read one thats not about watching your wife with other men. Must be a liberal thing

Hi, I've just discovered you and I'm impressed. I'll be reading your stories a lot more. Thank you

even better the second time. ANTIONO stood up like a man. Made his choices like a man a won his prize.

Some of it was a little predictable but still entertaining.

Well done!

What makes this story interesting is the reader must follow multiple highly improbable situations with two main characters who are as different as night and day yet remain together because the common thread that binds them together is that they are both good and decent human beings. I can groove on that.

i really enjoy your stories

I really enjoyed this story, it is good to see the good bloke getting the girl for once. 5 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I liked this story a lot. I kind of think it may be better suited to the “Romance” section though. But I believe the author is making a mistake in automatically deleting any

“anonymous” comments. Just because a person is not a card-carrying member of

Literotica does not mean that they are unqualified to offer constructive criticism. There are probably a hundred “Best Selling” authors in the world today who are not Literotica members. Would the author of this story disqualify them from offering a critique? Perhaps he would but I would hope not.

liked the story, could have drug it out a little bit, had a more face-face between Antonio and Marco. But I like it the way it is. It is your story you tell it your way. Gonna have to keep an eye out for more of your work. I like the blending of the cultures. The line about the .44 vs .357 is a grin

Why was it in LW?

Romance seems accurate.

Loved it anyway!

It was a moe moe story so cute my heart is is so sweet right now although it is a bit bitter because her parents didn't welcome her still bit a very feel good and sweet story may the main characters live happily ever after and even have their own kids

But wow that was a really nice story. I probably wouldn't have read if it was in Romance. I read mostly LW stories even though I hate most of them, but this story was wicked sweet. Man that was nice to read that after reading these depressing LW stories.

Nice heart warming story with a happy ending.

Good stuff

It was hard to get “into”, but after about the first page i really started to enjoy it. I do feel it seems a bit unfinished. Does Lucy get back together with her parents after the baby is born? What happens to Marco? Does Mrs Lewis get her gun back? Does the team go into the 64? How close do Tony and Jamal (and rest of team) become? Is the baby born with fetal alcohol syndrome (shouldn’t drink beer. Shame, shame, shame)?

Lots left hanging. But, good story none-the-less.

4-stars.

I've ever read in LW; it is almost like Matt Moreau decided to change how he writes.

I liked it....off to read more of your stuff

do more

Thank you for a very compelling story about real people and real emotions. You are a great writer of stories.

5* plus for great story

This is truly good writing. I was confused at first with so many names I nearly stopped reading but I persisted and glad I did because you captured my imagination. You developed your two main character within a budding romance. Loved that the old lady downstairs packed some heavy artilary. Keep posting your writings.

Kinda telegraphed the ending but so what. Never did figure out why the two girls were trying to kill her. And as already commented the torrent of names almost caused me to give up. I actually had to reread the beginning and write down each name so I could eventually figure out the relationships.

That said, it turned out to be an interesting, pleasant read. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Ridiculous and funny. Unbelievable and entertaining. Unrealistic characters you love (eg 5'5" 238 lb basketball player outdoes 6'+ jocks) (eg granny with gun).

Loved the imitation of Spanish garbled English.

Don't get pushed toward realism. You strength is over the top characters (a verbal cartoon).

Named commenters are anonymous because they are pseudonyms. Even though I'm anonymous, I'm identified because I sign off

Paul in Oklahoma

Tell that to mugsy brouges. The 5'3 point guard in the NBA

Heart warming story --- but could have been a tiny bit longer? Nevertheless, enjoyed it.

JimBob, if you go to your profile, you can turn off Anonymous comments, which will also stop anonymous email.

As far as I know, there is no way to stop email with email addresses, but as you learn to trolls, you can flag them as Spam!

The storyline worked. I have just one issue, but dealing with it would destroy the story.

Beaten badly and thrown from a moving car... broken arm, at least one rib, punctured lung, and a concussion. I can’t see how the fetus could survive. Her body going into shock would probably have caused a miscarriage.

Like i said: making it more realistic would ruin the story.

5* for sure.

GREAT CHARACTERS EXCELLENT READ, VERY DESERVED 5⭐️ .

Looking forward to reading more of your LW offerings.

Need I say more?

Sweet story. A romantic cross cultural love story. *****

5*. Excellent detailed writing. Got lost a bit when rosa and kirsten first beat up lucy, maybe a little more detail as to why they hated lucy so much, but great story.

As usual, got started on your story and could not stop.

Third time Thanks

That was a wonderfully developed and constructed story. The characters were believable, as was, generally, the story. I do agree that it’s unlikely the baby would have survived the beating and being thrown from a moving car, but then the story would have been a lot different.

5 stars for an excellent read.

I loved the story, loved the characters, and loved the ending.

Your only fault, I found, was, perhaps, a lack of harsh editing. I understand you were writing to emulate a foreign accent, but your lack of punctuation made me read some parts two or three times to figure out what you were trying to say. You also tend to drop words from time to time, and, again, I believe you were trying to imply an English dialect, but, again, your lack of punctuation made is slow reading.

One thing you really did well was developing their relationship, with one minor exception. They fell in love too quickly, or at least declared their love for one another too quickly. He saved her life and was her hero, but I believe it was close to only 24 hours before each declared their mutual love.

Anthony's shyness and their difficulty at communicating in both English and Spanish really helped develop the story. That is a unique characteristic which few authors attempt, and you did it well.

Good job! More!

You have the knack of smacking me right in the feels with your characters, and your dialogue is just so good!

Thank you.

Enjoy all your stories! And for once a writer knows Cajun country, and what the people are really like here... big hearted.