3: Scars Remain Ch. 04

Luke was crushed; it wasn't that she was afraid; it was that she was afraidof him!And rightfully so. He had almost killed her. His stomach turned. All he wanted to do was die.

He didn't move forward anymore, but he stretched out his hand as far as it would go. He knew it was in vain. "Kaylee, I...," he couldn't even finish his sentence, choking on his tears. He didn't even realize he was crying until now.

Kaylee sat back against the wall, tucking her knees up to her chest while trying to make herself as small as possible. She shook her head at Luke, making it clear she didn't want him to come any closer.

Luke blurted, "Oh, God... Kaylee, I'm so... are you o-ok?" It was a stupid question. She didn't answer – she couldn't, he realized – and she was breathing hard, her chest heaving up and down but at least she was taking in precious oxygen. Kaylee had a look on her tear-stained face, as if to ask him 'why'?

It was an impossible question to answer. Why would he ever hurt the love of his life? How could he do something like that? Consciously or otherwise? He didn't know why, either.

Luke slowly backed off of the bed, holding his hands out, trying his hardest to avoid choking on his tears while telling her, "I'm sorry, Kaylee, I'm so, so sorry. I'll never hurt you again, I promise."

He left the bedroom as quickly as possible, grabbing only his keys and wallet, running out of the house barefoot and shirtless.

He meant it, every word. He was incredibly sorry, and he would never hurt her again. Never.

Luke fired the Challenger up, springing it to life; he slammed the pedal down and shot out of the apartment complex like a streak of lightning. He tore through the residential area until he hit the open freeway.

---

It was so romantic and serene on the beachfront; Jessica didn't have a care in the world. Jessica simply smiled, sitting back in her lounge chair next to Ryan, bringing the margarita up to her ruby lips. With her free hand she reached out to take his, now more in love with him than when they first met. She closed her eyes and soaked in the warm rays as the sun beat down on her bikini-clad body. There wasn't a sound except for the peaceful rolling waves, and some kind of soft ringing in the distance.

The ringing sound perplexed her; she couldn't identify what it was, but it grew louder and louder. She quickly became annoyed.

Removing her sunglasses and handing her margarita to Ryan, she quickly stood up. Aggravated, Jessica looked around to see what was threatening to ruin her wonderful moment with her husband.

Her eyes were closed but the awareness of the heavy comforter over her naked shoulders momentarily confused her; almost instantly the beach had been replaced with their master bedroom. Jessica groaned as she realized the telephone had woken her from an amazing dream. Wordlessly she grunted and tried to nudge Ryan to pick it up, but he wasn't in the bed with her.

She remembered he was on shift at the fire station, further exasperating her.

Picking her heavy head up off the pillow, her scowl deepened when it registered that the clock displayed three fifteen in the morning.

"Someone is going to die," she growled under her breath while sprawling across the bed, stretching her arms out as far as she could towards her phone.

Ignoring all pleasantries, Jessica answered with, "This better be good."

She was met with heavy blubbering and all kinds of unintelligible speech on the other end. After a few seconds, she realized it was Kaylee. She sat up quickly.

Wiping the sleep out of her eyes, she said, "Kaylee? Slow down, honey, I can't understand a word you're saying."

Jessica knew something was terribly wrong. All she could get from Kaylee was something about Luke leaving. "Kaylee, is Luke ok?"

Kaylee cried even harder, if that were possible. After straining her ears to listen, Jessica realized Kaylee's desperate call was to find out if Luke was staying with his parents.

Jessica immediately started to worry. Her heart pounded as she asked, "Kaylee, what happened? Where is Luke?"

---

He was gone. Just like that. Kaylee had hoped he would return the next morning, but he never did. He didn't return the next day, either. The painful hours of waiting for his return turned into days. The long never-ending days turned into weeks.

It was like he vanished into thin air.

Despite support from Luke's family, Kaylee was frantic. She could barely sleep, her focus was shot, and she was on the verge of having a breakdown. Luke's dad helped her file a missing persons police report; everyone was doing everything they could.

The only thing that kept her from snapping was her stubborn determination and a distinct focus on finding Luke. Everything in her life was dedicated to locating him at all costs. She stopped showing up for class despite everyone advising her against it. The mall had become a thing of the past. Her social life voluntarily became non-existent.

Kaylee wouldn't budge. She needed every minute of every day, dedicating all of her time and resources to finding him. Everyone was worried about Luke, but Jessica and Faith in particular warned her she had taken it to another level bordering on obsession. Of course, Faith didn't seem to be handling it any better. Sweet, meek Faith, always little Miss Brightside, ended up fighting with a girl at the mall and wound up getting kicked out. The way Kaylee heard it, the other girl made some kind of snotty remark about the military and Faith snapped. It took all three of Faiths friends to pull her off. After she cooled down, Faith was so mortified by her own behavior that she found the girl and profusely apologized to her.

They all dealt with Luke's absence in their own ways.

Kaylee fell back on what she had always known, what she was comfortable with.

When it came to credit cards, no one had more experience than Kaylee. She never really told anyone that her parents had enforced a 'self-imposed' spending limit on each card; granted her parents were so well off that the limit was already plenty high. She'd never admit that, of course. And, despite her occasional rebellious streak with her parents, she never broke that limit.

Until now.

If there was one thing she learned from her father – and she'd seen him do it a million times – it was that throwing money at a problem was the best way to get it fixed.

And that was exactly what she was going to do to find Luke, even if her credit cards caught on fire in her hand. She'd hire every detective agency in Northern California if that's what it took to bring Luke home to her.

Kaylee knew once her dad got the bill, her college money would be history after this little stunt – she'd be lucky if her mom could convince her dad to continue paying for her apartment. But it would be worth it; she never even thought twice.

Kaylee could only hope one of her hired agencies would find out where Luke was. Until then, she spent her own time trying to find him, too.

---

"Mom, thanks for coming over," Faith sighed. "Maybe you can talk some sense into her; she's been on the computer for like eighteen hours straight! It's like she's turned into a zombie."

Audrey nodded to Jessica, agreeing with Faith, "It's more than that; it's like she's possessed. I can't get through to her, and she gets really pissy if me or Faith try to pry her off. I don't know what to do; I've always been able to smack some common sense into her, but it's not working this time."

Jessica stepped into Kaylee's apartment, carefully assessing the environment around her. She could tell a lot about a person by their living space, and the front room alone spoke volumes. Small pieces of candy bar wrappers littered the floor. "This looks worse than last time I was here." Jessica asked the two girls, "Are those yours?" Faith and Audrey shook their heads no.

Faith knew exactly what her mother was thinking. "Our healthy fitness fiend has fallen off of the wagon. I'd never have caught her eating ramen noodles a few weeks ago; now she lives off of it. And this place is a disaster. Me and Audrey have been trying to clean up, believe it or not. It's a losing battle. We're going to get some lunch, mom. You get to babysit. Call if you need anything?"

Jessica smiled, "I will, Faith."

Audrey politely asked, "Want anything Mrs. Patton?"

"No thank you, I just ate."

As the two girls left, closing the door behind them, Jessica exhaled and shook her head. It looked like Kaylee was beginning to unravel. A gallon of milk sat upright on the carpet next to the couch; the cap was nowhere to be seen. The apartment absolutely reeked. Jessica scrunched her nose.

She walked to the bedroom where Kaylee sat quietly; she was looking at something on the computer. Kaylee looked awful. Her normally gorgeous styled hair was a mess. From what Jessica could see, all she wore was a dirty bathrobe with at least two visible chocolate stains.

The only time Kaylee broke her focus away from the computer was to pick up and look at her cell phone, as if waiting for a call. Disappointment washed over her face every time she set the phone back down. Jessica guessed she was hoping Luke, or maybe one of the detectives, would be calling any minute.

Jessica approached quietly, as if walking up to a wounded deer. She calmly said, "Hi, Kaylee; what are you doing?"

Without moving her head, Kaylee quietly grumbled, "Name and address searches. Too bad 'Luke Patton' is such a common name."

"Name and address searches?"

Kaylee nodded, "Online newspapers, the White Pages, social media; you name it. Don't waste your time trying to talk me out of it. Either pull up a chair or close the door behind you on your way out."

Jessica blinked. She had never heard Kaylee speak so sharply and curtly before. Not just to her, but to anyone.

"Honey, I'm not going to talk you out of it," Jessica told her, "but you look like you could use a break."

Kaylee ignored her.

"What are those pictures on the screen, next to Luke's picture" Jessica asked.

Aggravated, Kaylee sighed, "Facial recognition software. I'm scanning Luke's picture against all public records in Sacramento County. If he so much as pops up in the background of a picture from the regional library to the county jail, I'll get a hit." A single tear emerged as she quietly mumbled under her breath, "He better hope he's in jail by the time I find him."

It was impressive how much money, time and effort Kaylee had dedicated to finding him. Her heart broke for this young girl. "You really love him, don't you," she softly commented. Again, Kaylee didn't respond but a few more tears surfaced, each one following the first tear as it trickled down her cheek.

"He'll be ok, you know that, right?"

Kaylee spun around and looked at her as if she was crazy. It was clear that her initial impulse was to argue back, but for some reason the young blonde girl resisted and instead asked, "How do you know?"

With a sympathetic smile, Jessica said, "Because he's strong, stubborn, and too much like his father. You never heard how Ryan and I met, did you?"

Kaylee took a deep breath, as if she subconsciously realized she needed to take her eyes off the screen for a moment. She shook her head no.

Jessica was relieved that she had her attention, even if only for a few seconds. Maybe this was her chance to break her away from the computer so she could get some rest.

It wasn't a story that was easy for her to tell, but she had to tell her soon if she wanted to keep Kaylee focused on her. "Well, let me start from the beginning." Jessica cleared her throat, speaking each word slowly, "When we started dating, it certainly wasn't in the traditional sense."

She held her breath, looking up at the ceiling, trying to find the right words to say.

"I...," Jessica held her hands out, fingers spread, as if trying to grasp the right words before blurting out, "...was a call girl, and Ryan had hired me."

Jessica tried her hardest not to wince when she said it.

Kaylee's jaw had just about hit the floor. "WW-WHAT??"

Well, she definitely had her attention.

Jessica nodded and said, "Yes, I know what you're thinking. We're the perfect family, we always go to church, Ryan loves Jessica and Jessica loves Ryan. Maybe we are pretty close to living the American Dream now, but it wasn't always that way." She scrunched her nose and added, "Oh, and Luke and Faith never heard this story. I'd prefer to keep it that way."

Kaylee gave several over-exaggerated head nods, still wide-eyed as the biggest Patton Family secret slowly sunk in.

"And no, I wasn't a street walker; I was hired out through a high-end... service. Not like it matters. But I was trying to pay for college..."

Jessica gave a brief pause before continuing, "Not to mention I bore my own scars up to that point. But Ryan, he was a completely different matter. The amount of pain he was in was unimaginable, but I didn't know it at the time. I figured he was 'just another client'. How wrong I was," she said, slightly tilting her head upwards, remembering it as if it had happened only yesterday.

Jessica had to clear her throat to keep her composure. "Before we met, Ryan served in Afghanistan. You might not have known, but he was married to a young woman named Amanda, and they had a son together named Adam. Just a few months before he was scheduled to come home, a drunk driver hit their car head-on, killing them both."

Kaylee had closed her jaw, but now her lip began to quiver.

"So," Jessica continued, "when, one day, Ryan saw me for the first time – unaware I was a call girl – he noticed how much I looked like Amanda. I never did see him; I'm pretty sure I would have remembered if I did." Jessica laughed and Kaylee managed to smile.

"He was resourceful; he managed to find out I was an escort. But the thing was, Ryan was... he was ready to end it all. He couldn't live his life without his wife or son. He actually had designed a very intricate plan to have one last grand fling with me, pretending that I was Amanda. He decided that when the money ran out he'd... take his own life," Jessica managed to choke out. She didn't like talking about that; thinking back on that horrible moment always upset her but it was important that Kaylee heard this story.

Kaylee put her hand over her mouth. "Luke and his father are probably the bravest men I've ever known; I can't even imagine him doing... something like that," Kaylee said.

"He is brave. And he was brave, too. When he had nothing and felt like there was no hope, he still hung in there. And I prayed for him, I prayedsohard. You have to understand, Kaylee, I hadn't talked to God in who knows how long. But the night Ryan was ready to take his own life, I was so scared that talking to God and begging Him on my knees to spare Ryan just seemed to come naturally. And Hedidspare him. I've thanked God every single day for that.

"It scares me to think how close Ryan came to throwing away a future that included me, Luke, and Faith. All because he had such little hope that it seemed like the best way out. He couldn't imagine a future of joy and happiness. But he hung in there, and I'd like to think God rewarded him for doing so."

"Wow, I had no idea," Kaylee said as both women sat silently.

After processing everything Jessica had told her for a moment, Kaylee asked, "How much did you end up helping him?"

"I'm not sure if I helped or made it worse," she giggled, "but I certainly had an impact on him. I stayed by his side – just like you've stayed by Luke's – and Ryan made it out ok. Just like Luke will. And needless to say,hehad atremendousimpact on me. I'd never met anyone like him before. It didn't take long before I was head over heels in love with him."

Kaylee's eyes sparkled as she listened to the way Jessica talked about Ryan. There was such love and passion in her voice. Each word Jessica spoke seemed to rekindle Kaylee's own hope for Luke.

Jessica looked Kaylee directly in the eyes, "Kaylee, there's a reason why I'm telling you all of this. I know Luke. He's strong, just like his father, and he'll get through this. Just be there for him. The most important piece of advice I can give you is topray like crazy."

Jessica waited a moment, making sure Kaylee digested every word. "Romans 8:18 helped me a lot. I'd memorized it a long time ago. It goes, '18 I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.' It reminded me that even though it felt like it couldn't get any worse, God would be there to get us through it, and in the end He was going to overshadow all of the suffering we endured. It was hard to imagine at the time, and took a lot of faith for me to believe that. But that's exactly what He did."

It looked like Kaylee was about to cry as she said, "I don't get it though. After all Luke has been through – after allwe'vebeen through, how could God do this?"

Jessica shrugged, "I don't know. I'm not even so sure God is responsible for what happened to Luke. When good things happen, most people forget to thank Him, let alone acknowledge Him. When bad things happen, we tend to blame Him as if we've been unjustly punished. Well, we have to remember all the good things God has done for Luke, like protecting him in the helicopter crash and bringing him home safely."

"I just don't get it. The irony is he was ok during that last horrible thunderstorm we had. But on a regular night, he just snapped," Kaylee said, trying to fight the tears. "And I can't help but wonder where he is or what he's doing. I don't even know if he's still alive! Maybe he's found someone else. Maybe he..."

Jessica interrupted, "You can't do this to yourself or you'll go crazy. I've been having a hard time with it too, but then I remember it's in God's hands. I can't promise a happy ending, but I do know you have friends and family that love you just as much as Luke, and they're right by your side. Kaylee, I honestly don't have all the answers, and I don't like any of this either, but all we can do is pray for Luke. The most important thing is that he knows we love him, and he knows that Jesus loves him. That alone will help."

Leaning forward, Jessica wrapped up Kaylee in her arms and gave her a huge hug, like a mother would to a wounded child.

"But I want a happy ending," Kaylee said sorrowfully.

"I know; I do too," Jessica replied. She even kissed Kaylee on the forehead, "You should get some sleep. At least take a quick nap. If you'd like," she nodded towards the computer, "I can take over for you so you can rest easy. Deal?"

Kaylee smiled at her with heavy eyes. It seemed like a small amount of weight had been removed from her shoulders at least, even through her burden was still heavy. "Alright," she said, standing up and moving towards the guest bedroom. Turning around one last time, she gave Jessica one more hug. "Thank you," she said tearfully against Jessica's shoulder. On her way out of her bedroom Kaylee opened the drawer of her nightstand and pulled out the small pink leather-bound Bible Luke had recently given her.

Jessica smiled, but after Kaylee left the room her smile gradually faded into an uneasy worry. There wasn't any point in hiding her concern now that she finally was able to convince Kaylee to get some sleep. Jessica didn't lie – she meant every word she said – but she didn't want her own feelings to rub off on Kaylee. She was still a worried mother, and scared to death for Luke. Just like Kaylee, not knowing where Luke was at was enough to drive Jessica crazy.

God, I'm scared, too,she prayed.Please comfort Kaylee. Please be with my son, wherever he is. Please keep him safe, and bring him back to us...