All Comments on 'A C&W Song in the Key of Life Pt. 02'

I thought the legends were being kinda hard on you before, but this is just too much, or should I say too little. Come on, man.

When is the story going to start ?

Ok. So I wish you would have kept your first two chapters in one offering. This is some decent writing with a fun flare.

Liking the story. He appears set up somehow but that would seem too elaborate.

Regardless, he should not have been in that situation and he definitely should not have let a naked woman pull down his pants and grab his Johnson.

"cuck in a closet"

How soon we get to enjoy the next installment. And the next...

Do you know JPB?

And filler. 3*

I agree, there may be a copyright infringement case I the works.

This is a damn good story.

And "The girl of my dreams"

a good fun poem, lol.

Our guy is guilty of stupidity

and it sure looks like he would've

cheated, if Shelley hadn't caught

him first.

Sometimes doing nothing, to stop

a seduction, is just as bad as

accepting it.

Our guy is stupid but likeable.

Regarding music, c&w is as

outdated as r&b. It's called

Country today. So get your head

out of the past and into present times.

The story is good and very graphic.

Love it already.

Top ratings from me.

We can see where this is going, but it's a fun trip. It would be much better if the bus didn't stop every block, but keep it in mind for your next story, and there really should be many more stories. You have talent. Most guys wanting to be faithful would not allow their pants to be pulled down and have their dick in danger of being gobbled up by a big titted, naked woman. It is a situation few wives would accept.

2*

Mr. Bierce, when you wrote "An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge," it was 3700 words long and appeared as one complete story in the San Francisco Examiner. What has changed since 1890? Why can't you post this one as one story instead of these tiny little smidgens? I'm not reading another word until it's all posted. The writing seems good enough, but damn, man. How tedious.

How much ya wanna bet the lexus is robs? The writting is good. Keep'em wanten more works most of the time, but not here. You might drive off some readers with th e snippet writting. It's still a good story though.

You might have already ruined this story, just the way you are dragging out the story line, and the very obvious setup and stupidity of the main character. Stupid is never an engaging character trait.

Major plot fault: how did his wife get into the room? And who was the guy taking pictures?

Yeah, you are going to fill in all that mystery and suspense later. It is already too late. We now know that the main character doesn't know, doesn't think it is important enough to include in his recollection of the event, or he somehow forgot to tell us those critical points of the plot.

When there is no intelligence there is no plot. Stupid shit happens to stupid people who do stupid shit. So what is the mystery or suspense or drama of that?

So keep writing, you need the practice. And you can break this up into as many chapters and drag the story out as long as you like since we already know what happened and who set him up and how its going to end.

Thanks for the effort. Good luck with your writing ambition.

There was absolutely NO reason to drag this out, 2 chapters in and its basically going nowhere. And enough with Pauline Fuckin French or are you JPB in disguise? Why do writers on this site insist on that name? It's far from funny and is over used.

. . . is to just wait until the last chapter is published, then read them all at once.

I’m enjoying the country song parody, but yeah, chapters are too short.

Board¡!

Please, please, PLEASE, just post the rest as one chapter!

This the best way to get low scores.

.

Decent addition, need more NOW! ;)

As fot the mention of Pauline, it's still funny to me... nice hat tip to JPB.

One page at a time... sweet Jesus (used a country line... oh well)

I like what you’re doing. Don’t see how he would ever take Shelly back. Who cares who she is with. The revelation of her betrayal will be entertaining but it’s like watching paint dry reading one page at a time....

I have the attention span to read 3 or 4 pages. Shit maybe more. This one page break down isn’t even a chapter pace. Just saying you could probably have put the whole thing out at once and had a good story with a high rating. You are going to lose your audience.

describing the situation with Lissa does NOT help the main character's situation any. Why did he wait for her to come out of the bathroom? Unless it was a setup with the guy with Shelley he was one stupid motherfucker and got what he deserved.

Just saying.

If I understood your comment yesterday you dropped all of the chapters at once. Maybe all of this winning about it being to short should be focused at Lite for not dumping them all at once also.

I feel bad for Hank because he never stood a chance in this story.

I'm going to take a wild guess and bet that this is working towards a Rec ending unless you pull a quick one and have him tell Shelly where to stick it for not listening in the beginning.

Wh was the guy Shelley was with at the hotel. No explanation? I also think one page chapters are horrible. Lose interest and for the most part, you have a good story going but the jury is still out

As stated elsewhere, it is well written, but not edited. You could have cut out most everything from his past college days. They aren't part of his story now. Cut, cut, cut.

Beyond that, yes... This seems like it will depend on a bunch of stupidity and people not communicating to let a nefarious plan win. Why didn't he ask how his wife showed up? How she got in? Why didn't she ask why she was directed to the room? Why didn't she ever have any conversation at all. Why wouldn't some of this come up in a divorce.

When it is all dependent on no one asking obvious questions, it detracts from your writing

You do most definitely have a lot of talent. Stretching 3000 words per day really is stretching it though. I’m mystified why you feel the need to control page breaks, though. Your desire basically means everyone else has to wait for one page a day, which is not a good way to get the readership on your side.

Certainly the writing makes it worthwhile, but why lose even one reader for something that honestly doesn’t matter?

That said, I’ll be back. Nice to see something worth reading among all the cuck crap that seems to infest lit lately.

. . . are more than a bit frustrating, although I will give you credit for posting the second chapter quickly. Impossible to rate intelligently, so I will reserve judgment until the end, which, I hope, will come quickly. Give us a break.

. . . "Sherry" in the fifth paragraph? Did you mean "Shelly?" Proof-reading and minor editing would be helpful.

Your protagonist isn’t a country bumpkin no matter how you make him seem so. From the first chapter I could see a set up. This chapter just confirms that assumption. My question is why are you keeping an obviously intelligent man forever “stuck on (being) stupid?” It makes no sense.

He's got to be one dumb ass shit kicker. Assuming he was set up, he never wondered about the timing of his wife's arrival in the hotel room? Even if was set up, his excuse is 'my little head was doing the thinking' and 'didn't want her to think I was a bad guy' are pathetic. I do like how you write.

Still more questions than answers and, as others have said, some of the questions are not very logical. But if they were they could easily be answered and then there wouldn't be a story.

I still like the whimsical writing style and the short episodes make it fun to guess where the author is taking the story.

Lue

I enjoy the writing, but I don't see how it would change anything if he explained. Unless she cared that much that he didn't plan to cheat in advance, "it's not what it looked like" certainly doesn't hold up. It was what it looked like. It seems pretty clear that he was set up by his so-called friend so he could move in on his wife, but it looks like he was still going along with it of his own free will. I'm interested in seeing where it goes.

Thanks for the story.

Cog

How about telling her "No!"? How about worrying more about his marriage and his wife than the feelings of someone he hardly knows?

<P>

Sorry, but having him still clinging to "It's not what it looks like" is just a rationalization. It was exactly what it looked like.

<P>

If this is really the explanation you're going to use, Shelly is better off without him.

<P>

I see some speculation that it was a set-up, that Shelly showing up at that moment was a little too convenient. Unless you are going to do a 180 on Shelly and out of nowhere make it that she set him up, uh uh. That still doesn't explain him simply getting out of there when it was apparent where things were going.

While the dynamics of society are becoming more equal, sexes wise, I have watched 4 daughters grow up and generally it is still the girls who do the choosing and the boys are the supplicants. It was especially so in my day (I'm 60). Most guys have never turned down ANYTHING that wasn't sex for a price. Turning down a naked (and attractive but that is still almost irrelevant) woman would be difficult to anyone with enough testosterone to father a kid or two. And according to the story, the matter had not even been consummated. However, if Rob was still above ground, after torpedoing the marriage, the protagonist of this story is not acting in form with the character.

I like the story and the characters. People seem real and interesting.

The hotel room scene is problematic. Why would his wife show up at that very moment? Who was the guy? This whole thing smells of a setup.

Another thing I'd probably miss my dog more.

As for how the wife got in the room, evidently the lock was fixed not to engage. When he brought the whore to the room the door opened without the green light showing that the key card had opened the lock. I don't know if the wife was complicit in the set up, but it appears so. And I bet the Lexus she was driving is a clue to the identity of her "fucker", assuming that she is the willing "fuckee". And damn, pick up the pace on putting the story out. I suspect that Lit posts them just like the writer wants them to be posted. I agree, it looks like the writer is stretching it out to create tension amongst the readers. Mostly just creating "pissed-off" amongst the readers. Soon to be followed by disinterest amongst the readers. Hope not, it's good so far, if seemingly a bit predictable.

pappy

....or Pauline French got around even more than JPB thought.

Okay, it's Dickbreath Rob.

If I offered any writing criticism, it would be that speaking for myself, I do not find these short chapters particularly 'engaging'. For one thing, there isn't a 'cliff' to hang off of (more a low hill) and there isn't sufficient story progress made.

Perhaps you are writing as you post, which I certainly have done before...to my immense regret. I would suggest about 20 'Word' pages per chapter.

My first Reconciliation chapter was 8 Lit pages and clocked out somewhere north of 70 pages on Word.

That being said, I do appreciate the fact that you treated his past reasonably tersely. I can fill in the blanks myself. So either go hard or go very light. This was enough. Heck, I'm glad you didn't do the 'I am a strapping 6 foot two and She is a willowy nymph of 5 foot 3 and a quarter inches with..." It isn't necessary. I can put my own appearance on her. So nicely done there. I see a sheeny brown hair with some curls and body. (You may have written a description, but like the sex scenes, I tend to glance over them)

Thank you! LOL!

I like the series, but like several others, I find the starting and stopping to be like following a school bus on the first day of elementary pick up.

Very good so far!

I hope I live long enough to enjoy the conclusion!

Thank you for writing and please keep up the fine work!

You have all the LW superstars reading and commenting. That can't be bad. Good advice and constructive criticism. I, personally, love it ,but have to add my wish with all the others that you finish it. It's slower, God forbid, than soccer scoring.

...hard to work through. Hope it is worth the wait. Good story bed. Need some action right about now. 3+

That a game of football (soccer) with a nil-all score can be considered an excellent game by the code's aficionados. I, for one, am happy with this story's progress.

Lue

Stangstar06 woyld not be proud of this vehicle. It's slower than any mustang SS06 has ever written about.

It’s amazing how many guys Pauline French did in high school. She is in so many stories.

I'm hooked and I want some questions answered. I don't know what's going on here but it makes me laugh and that's not nothing. "The Fingerbowl!" Yeah, I had forgotten all about that. There's a big box store now where the drive-in used to be. We also called the bowling alley the "BA", clever little reprobates that we were. The Chuck Wagon is still there but the burgers taste nothing like I remember, thick and juicy...well, never mind. As for the story? Seems loosely wrapped, like a second draft needing further refinement, and way too short. But I'll be back.

Is A_Bierce the Lexus version of the Just Plain Bob Toyota ?

Yeah, you're right about Pauline French - that must be the most common name used on LW. How hard is it to come up with another name; it's bad enough that JPB has to keep using it all the time but then A_B does too, go figure. But A_B on his very best day is really going to struggle to reach JPB's level of storytelling. 2 **

Just remembered - Steve Moore - another really popular name here on LW.