All Comments on 'A Crooked Plan'

A good start to the story

However you will certainly have to work hard to develop both characters and story line.

Great start... looking fwd to the next part... Wish there was some more dirty talk in the story... it spices up things more you know..

Great i really liked it nice job

as events unfold. TK U MLJ LV NV

Watch your actions. The panties were already ripped down, so what did they do play cat & mouse with the up and down up and down to spank? Wording as well; you've got to males attacking a female from behind, she'd unlocked her door...who opened it and who relocked it? They were both on her as she was face first on the stairs...okay pretty wide stair case then?

You called them guys then repeatedly called them boys and then men. It's like you are forgetting which side you are telling the story from.

"She walked, full-armed, and fumbled in her purse to find her house key" she was full-armed, fully armed, or her arms were full? I can walk holes through this in just the beginning. Please get someone to help you proof read and unless you are telling a story that is centered in the past, come up to speed with your wording or the reader stumbles over it.

"Listen here and now," he said with tears already rolling down her cheeks. "If he or I tell you to do something," he points with his knife, "you do it right and right away no matter what it is, or we make it worse for you." This part is like a phrase from a very poorly thought out mafia movie before there was color TV.

Take this for what it is, constructive criticism, learn from the mistakes you made here. Don't be afraid to use forceful words in your descriptions or in the actions and wording of the characters. All he had to do was tell her to shut up or not make a sound with an added or we won't make you bleed, scar you, hurt you to much type of thing. However, "do it right and right away" pfft, ya lost me. I can understand some readers don't like using curse words. However, you've got two idiots intent on raping someone. You have violence right there and it's premeditated. Trying to sugar coat the rest isn't helping the storyline.