All Comments on 'A Debt to be Paid 01'

A lot of spelling mistakes but its ok. It would be better to get a editer.

your story is basically unreadable - before you post another chapter, GET an EDITOR or at least someone who knows how to read to look it over for you...

You only got 2 stars, because I actually liked the story -

otherwise it would have been ZERO!

This is only me second posting I was under the assumption that our stories were edited before they were approved. I will try to do better with the errors but thanks for the feedback! :)

Seems strange to say that about erotic fantasy, right? But it will keep the little day-to-day details more realistic. Penn alumni don't refer to the U of Pa as UPenn. (The outside world may; we don't.) So it doesn't add anything to go the story to use an unrealistic reference- whether it's sexual or mundane, it jars the reader and takes them out of the world you are try to draw them into. Good luck!

I just reread my story and I saw that I posted the wrong one. I am in the process of having the edited one uploaded so I hope you guys enjoy that one.

Reading this with the stop and start and confusion of mixed and missing words wasn't worth the trouble. Don't continue with this story until you get the concept of the language and sentence structure correct. Hire and editor.

This is difficult to read