A Diary for Two Ch. 09

Henry seemed a little quiet this morning, and I myself wasn't in much of a chatty mood, so we found ourselves hardly speaking that morning before attending our lectures. It was only when I entered the lecture theatre that I realized this was going to be the first time I saw Thomas since our date. Feeling shy, I walked in and immediately found him sitting in a side row nearly half way up, waving at me and sitting next to... Isabelle?

I came up to sit next to him, feeling myself blush at the memory of the previous Wednesday night.

"How are you?" he asked me.

"I'm... I'm great." I stammered. "Hey Isabelle!" I said as I saw her turn to me from Thomas's other side.

"Do you know each other?" asked Thomas, seeming puzzled. Damn. I'd just put my foot in it.

"She's a housemate of Erik," Isabelle put in, "Obviously they must have talked." She turned to me. "Hello Elise, glad to finally meet you! Thom here hasn't shut up about you for the last couple of days..."

Thomas instantly turned a deep shade of crimson at that point, and I felt myself go warm in the face as well. I smiled forcibly. It was excruciatingly weird, having to be introduced to both of them a second time under the guise of both Erik and Elise. The situation was getting complicated.

"How did you know we were housemates?" I asked Isabelle.

"Thomas here told me which street you lived on, and I noticed last night that Erik lived on the same street. I then checked with Thomas the exact address. It's funny how the two of you are housemates like us..."

"Yes, funny that." I said, laughing nervously. "So... What do you think of Erik?"

"I think he's cute." She answered, winking at me mischievously.

"Perhaps all four of us should meet up at some point!" announced Thomas.

I blanched at that, realizing just how much of a problem that could be. Isabelle came to my aid once again though.

"I'd rather think Elise would much rather the two of you had some privacy, to be honest."

I nodded a little too vigorously, before blushing at the thought. I was starting to feel a little lightheaded with so much blood rushing in and out of my face repeatedly and in so little time. Isabelle didn't seem to notice though, and Thomas looked thoughtful. Luckily, the lecture started at that point, covering up my embarrassment nicely.

Once the physics lecture was done, Isabelle waved us goodbye as she went off to her tutorial, and Thomas and I went on to our mathematics lecture together. He seemed to be forcing himself to be very courteous, and I wondered whether he was feeling even shyer than I after our date. Despite that, I felt a closeness to him that I hadn't previously.

In fact, I even rather enjoyed it as he touched my arm and my shoulder discreetly when he talked to me, and even held my hand as we walked to our second lecture. It took a little while to get used to, but I liked feeling his larger hand enclosing mine in a gentle but secure manner.

Our second lecture was as tedious as ever, but I didn't mind, and I soon found myself walking off to my third lecture, feeling Thomas's hand in the small of my back as he commented on the lecturers, complimented me on the ribbons in my hair, and made simple but tasteful jokes. It wasn't much, but if felt right, and it felt safe.

It wasn't until halfway through our third lecture that I remembered I had the last lab session of the semester this afternoon, and that attendance would be monitored. There was no way that I could sneak in as Elise, and I had to attend. Feeling panicky, I fled right after the lecture, apologizing to Thomas and telling him that I had forgotten my lab coat at home and had to go fetch it. He seemed very disappointed and I felt terrible ditching him during the lunch hour, but there was no other choice.

I made my way back home, changed, got changed and took the bus back as Erik, worrying all the way about Thomas and Isabelle. What if they worked out that Elise was always absent the same day that Erik attended lectures, and vice-versa? What if Thomas repeated his idea that we should all meet up? Our names are too similar, and so are our faces, and our studies are the same, and so are our interests, and... And... I was panicking now, feeling myself hyperventilating as I got out of the bus and making my way to the labs. This all felt suddenly much, much too risky.

The lab session went pretty badly, as I spent the four hours repressing my thoughts about the many ways my situation could go wrong. I nearly died of angst when Thomas came up to me during the lab, asking me if I'd seen Elise. I feigned ignorance and went back to work, trying to get things done so as to get out as quickly as possible. I was looking forwards to the weekend, looking forwards to being able to breathe a bit, and make sense of it all.

The session ended eventually, and I made my way home feeling exhausted and shaky at the knees. My lab partner probably hated me by now, but it didn't matter: we wouldn't be working together again this year, and probably ever. I collapsed on the couch back home, closing my eyes and trying to shut my crazed, terrified thoughts out. It was at that point that Henry walked in.

"Hey mate, are you alright?"

I looked up at him silently, conveying my panic through a single stare.

"What's wrong?" He asked, more insistently this time, "And why are you already changed back?"

I told him about Thomas and Isabelle, and saw his face change quickly from incredulity to amusement and finally to increasing levels of worry as he worked out the implications of the situation.

"What now?" I asked him, almost choking up under the strain.

"I... I don't know," answered Henry, hesitantly, "But I think you need to take a break from this."

I looked at him quizzically.

"Look, how about we go to my parents' place for the weekend. Just to take a breather and rethink your situation? I'm sure my parents won't mind having a guest over, and it looks like you need it."

Feeling lost and uncertain, I nodded.

"Great!" He said, "I'll call them up now. You should probably go as Elise though. It's safer."

I shrugged. It didn't really matter at this point: how could things possibly get worse? Henry nodded and went to phone his parents. They agreed to have us.

We made a few preparations, packed our bags lightly with clothes and work, and bought the train tickets online. It didn't take long, and I found myself going to bed early. I couldn't sleep due to my worries though, so I decided to fill my diary in with the latest events. Hopefully I'll be able to sleep now.

October 25, 2014

Henry and I got up early this morning and had breakfast silently in the kitchen. The air felt still and the house was quiet. I didn't feel very hungry, and found myself throwing away half of my bowl of cereal before going to get showered and ready. I took a cold shower this morning, opting to remain female for the sake of emotional stability, and only put on a bare minimum of make-up (not that I usually put on all that much anyway) before braiding my hair, putting on a striped shirt and a grey knee-length skirt, and closing my travel bag.

Henry was waiting for me when I left my room, and we walked together, carrying our bags with us, to the train station. We could have taken the bus there, but it wasn't that far, and we both felt we needed the walk. The train was relatively empty in the early morning hours, and we found ourselves two seats in a very quiet coach. For some reason, I was very aware of the length of my skirt and felt compelled to cross my legs carefully as if worried that some dwarf were desperately trying to look into it.

The trip was only an hour and a half long, and we soon arrived in Henry's hometown, a medium sized municipality with a slight industrial emphasis. I followed Henry to the bus stop as he told me about his life as a child here, pointing to certain buildings and streets and evoking certain events of his past. I was only half listening.

Once on the bus, Henry told me what to expect from his parents. They sounded like nice people, running a small fishing business in the area. It seemed like Henry was trying to reassure me, although he looked unsure as to whether he needed to reassure me about his parents or about my current situation at university. Eventually, he placed one of his huge, hairy hands on my arm.

"Everything will be fine, you'll see."

I nodded, but didn't speak.

I was surprised to see where his parents lived, however, as I was expecting them to live right on the coast. Instead, they had a small and old cottage in the country, a few miles inland. They greeted us warmly as we arrived, telling Henry to wipe his feet as he entered and telling me how charmed they were to meet one of his friends. I did my best to smile and be polite, shaking their hands and feeling surprised at how normal they looked, as opposed to their oversized son.

It was only when they cautiously showed me to my room that it dawned on me that they were left in some ambiguity as to the type of relationship between their son and me. I thanked them graciously (I hope) and tried to emphasize that Henry and I were just good friends from our time as First Years.

I made myself more or less comfortable in my room, before Henry walked in and suggested we go for a walk. I agreed, and we set off.

We made our way out of the back of the house, through the garden and into the woods beyond. It felt extremely colorful, with the autumnal leaves half fallen from their perches and the tree trunks contrasting darkly with the blue sky. It looked like greyish clouds were headed our way, but until they arrived, the weather would be fine.

The dirt tracks we followed were twisted and winding, often giving me the impression that we were encountering the same landmarks over and over again. I was glad to have Henry to guide me, as I would most likely have lost myself for hours in here. Eventually, he spoke.

"My parents don't know anything. I just told them you'd been going through a hard time lately and needed a break."

I nodded.

"They'll be expecting us with a good home cooked lunch when we come back. My mother's a great chef, just like me."

I smiled at him. It was funny, but I had the strong impression that he was loosening up a little, with his muscles in his arms, neck and face relaxing slightly, and his eyes shone down at me good-naturedly.

"You know, I understand how worried you are, but I've been thinking."

I raised an eyebrow at him.

"Your problems right now are mainly in your mind," He continued, "You mustn't let yourself be bothered so badly by eventualities that'll probably never come to pass. I mean, so what if your double identity does look a little strange? Thom and Isa will probably just come to their own conclusions on their own so let them. Do you really think any sane person would even consider the actual truth to be a possibility? They'd probably even do everything they can to try to work out a complicated story just to avoid such a ludicrous thought!"

I nodded. He was probably right. I felt his great gorilla hand on my slim shoulder, holding me against his side reassuringly as we walked.

"You just need to relax," He said, "Let things happen normally, or as normally as possible, and your problems will work themselves out on their own."

I nodded again, and rested my head on his broad shoulder, feeling rather comforted. He quickly looked around and found us a fallen trunk on which to sit. I sat down next to him, and leaned against him, looking around the orange-brown trees and listening to the rasp of the leaves as they floated through the air, carried by the wind.

I had nearly fallen to sleep then and there when Henry told me we should go have lunch. He disentangled his arm from around me and helped me up. I was a little disorientated, unsure of how long we had spent there. Ultimately, though, I felt better.

We made our way to Henry's house, where his rather annoyed mother who had been waiting for us to start lunch immediately told us off. I glanced at the clock in the kitchen and saw that it was already two in the afternoon. I felt a pang of guilt in my gut, and apologized profusely, but she simply waved me away, telling me that it was her bloody son's fault for getting me lost in the woods.

The lunch was indeed delicious, with roast veal and carrots on the side, and I found that despite being rather stern, Henry's mom was incredibly kind hearted. She fretted a lot about me not eating enough, which made me feel bad until I noticed she was doing the same with Henry, who happened to be eating almost half of the veal on his own.

The father was very sweet, obviously accustomed to his wife's' energy and simply making the most of the meal, whilst occasionally asking us how things were going at university and what my course was like. He acted very impressed when I told him that I studied Mathematics and Physics, making me feel a little shy and uncomfortable, albeit nowhere as much as when he turned to Henry with a sly wink.

"A brain too! This one's a keeper, lad."

"Don't be silly!" His wife snapped at him, and he quickly turned back to his plate, expressing a sudden fascination for his carrots.

Henry did his best to change the subject at this point, and he was soon talking about the latest rugby with his father. They were obviously both enthralled by the subject, and went on and on about this guys' try and that guys' kick and whatever else. I listened to them, although I didn't feel confident enough in the subject to join in. I was amused though to catch a glance from the mother as she rolled her eyes at the boys conversation, before getting up and clearing up.

I attempted to help, but she refused point blank, telling me in no uncertain terms that I should remain seated, dearie. She soon came back with a bowl fruit, and we dug into pears and apples, all deliciously tasty and juicy.

It was three P.M. by the time we'd finished lunch, and the clouds overhead had reached us, pelting the windows with heavy rain. Henry proposed that we play cards in the sitting room, to which I agreed and so, to my surprise, did his dad. We soon found ourselves sat in front of a roaring fire (courtesy of Henry's mom), playing poker with Monopoly money. Henry was terrible and his dad was very good, so I felt reasonably well placed.

By the time we stopped around half past six, Henry had lost everything for the seventh time in a row and his father was slowly trouncing me. The game was getting repetitive and I was feeling bad for Henry who was getting increasingly frustrated as we outmaneuvered him at every turn. We decided to put the TV on, but couldn't find anything good to watch, so we started looking for a good film. It took a while for us to agree on something, and by the time we'd settled on Silence of the Lambs, Henry's mom was calling us for dinner.

The supper was lighter than lunch, but just as good, and I told her so as I complimented her on her cooking. She blushed at that, telling me that she just liked to play around with the recipes, and I saw both her son and husband throwing complicit looks at me, telling me I'd just gotten on her good side.

After dinner, I told the family that I was getting tired and should be off to bed. It was still a little early, the mother took on a worried look but I told her I was fine and went straight up to bed. Once stripped to my undies and settled in bed, I thought back to Thomas and Isabelle. Henry had been right: coming here had been good for me, had cleared my mind, and I was no longer that worried.

October 26, 2014

I was surprised this morning to find Henry sitting on the edge of my bed as I woke up, looking down at me.

"What are you doing?" I asked him.

"Just waiting for you to get up," He answered, "I thought we could go for a jog in the woods."

"Well, alright, but I might need you to get out: I'm not dressed."

"Oh... Yea... Sorry." He said, looking a little flushed as he walked out.

I got up, got dressed and went after him, all the while laughing at the expression he had made when I told him to get out. I didn't laugh for long though, as the jog he'd planned for us was quite intense, and I struggled to keep up with his fast pace as we ran up and down what seemed like every single slope in the woods. I felt like I was dying by the time we came back, and quickly took my dirty sports shoes off so as to get to the shower.

I took a cold shower to cool off, and then spent the next half an hour drying my hair, braiding it again and putting my make-up on. I knew none of this was really necessary, but it felt like a habit I needed to have in order to get better at it. I felt like I needed the routines of a student girl who takes care of herself to become second nature for me. How else was I to be convincing?

It was late morning by the time I was ready for the day, so Henry's mom served us brunch, all the while fretting that we might forget something vital here when we went back to university. Henry obviously found her embarrassing, but put up with it calmly, assuring her repeatedly that he wouldn't forget anything and not to worry.

Our train was in around three P.M., so Henry's dad offered to drive us to town earlier so that we could go have a look around before going to the station. Henry seemed a little unsure, but I accepted gratefully and, after saying farewell to his mother, we left were driven by his dad to the center of town.

It wasn't a particularly colorful place, and many shops were closed, but I still enjoyed walking around and looking at the things on display. I'll admit that I enjoyed looking at the female clothes, trying to imagine myself wearing them in my minds' eye, even though I didn't really feel confident enough to buy anything in particular. Henry eventually lost his patience and decided to go and buy himself a drink in a bar. I joined him and we sat there, sipping our ice teas as we waited for our train to arrive.

"Thanks for bringing me here, it really did help." I told him truthfully.

"I'm glad it did," He answered, "I get worried about you."

There was a silence as we watched the people walking by. It wasn't much of a working day, and you could see it in the way they ambled along, taking their time as they went from one place to another. We people watched and exchanged comments on what we saw for the next or so until we realized that it was time to go to the station.

It didn't take long before we were sitting in our train, which was as empty as on our way in. The trip was once again silent and uneventful, and we soon found ourselves on the bus back to our house. Luckily for me, Beth wasn't around when we entered and unpacked our bags, but Mike was and we decided to go to the pub all together for a change. I quickly went to check that my clothes and make-up were in line before going, noting how long my legs seemed in the bathroom mirror. God, will I ever get used to this body?

The pub was surprisingly full for a Sunday evening, and we had difficulty finding ourselves a table. Henry then went to fetch us all drinks, coming back with two beers and something that looked like a red cocktail for me.

"What the hell?" I asked him, "Why can't I just have some normal lager?"

"Because you're a girl and you should be drinking something girly."

"Oh very funny," I said, "Girls drink lager too anyway."

"Yea, right."

I looked down at the drink with apprehension, ignoring Mike who was staring at me with an exalted look on his face.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Sangria."

I took an experimental sip. It tasted pretty good, a bit like sweet red wine. I took another, only to look up and see Henry and Mike exchanging glances, huge grins plastered on their faces and holding their pints with a definite 'lad attitude' about them. I sighed, and looked over at the bar. There, I saw a row of blokes talking low in a very absorbed manner. I noticed one of them look around and take a quick peak at me before turning back to his pint.