A Different Solution

"Henry, I would like to make love to you tonight, if you're willing. I very much need to feel your warmth and love."

I was willing, and we had a very-loving 3 hours together that night.

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KIM

I woke up with Henry's loving arms wrapped around me. I knew our problems weren't solved by any means, but I had hope.

I had told Henry the truth. I had actually strongly considered suicide until I got that email from Kelly, which sent me on the path I finally took. I was surprised I found Wendy so quickly and we had hit it off so well.

Our first time together was like we have known each other forever. She seemed to know just where and when and how to touch me, and she responded to me in kind. I had missed this experience and I bounced back almost immediately.

The doctor's words had ripped a hole in my heart and soul. Suddenly I was faced with the prospect of just a husband for the rest of my life. I loved, and still love, Henry with everything I have, but that's not how I expected my life to go and I didn't have the strength to play the hand I was dealt. I needed more and Wendy gave me that, though it was more emotional than physical.

I didn't think Henry would approve and so I hid it from him. Clearly that was a mistake but I had good intentions. I didn't want him to be hurt or to feel self-doubt, which is exactly how he reacted when he did find out. Now I've risked losing Henry. As much as Wendy means to me, it pales in comparison to what Henry means to me. I spend about 4 hours a week with Wendy and that's just to supplement what Henry gives me. I can't be without Henry. I'll do whatever I have to.

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HENRY

I realized I needed another perspective. I asked Kim to get me the phone number for Wendy's husband, Eric. After I identified myself as Kim's husband he agreed to meet me for lunch the next day.

"I assume you're looking to understand my view of allowing Wendy to be with other women."

"Precisely. The thought of Kim getting sexual pleasure from another person, even a woman, is agonizing. I hoped you could provide some insight on how you handle it, to see if I could possibly apply it to my own life. I feel like it's my only hope."

He was quiet for a moment, getting his thoughts together.

"I'll try to explain it. First, I understand where you're coming from. It was very difficult for me as well. Especially the first time I heard them together."

"You've actually heard them?!"

"Yes, a handful of times. I've never seen them, if you're worried about that, but I've heard them. They enjoy each other very much. But as time went on I realized it was no threat to my marriage. Wendy never spoke of it, or rubbed it in my face during an argument. It was simply something she did during the day. Over time I began to equate it to any service that I'm unable to provide. If there's a plumbing or electrical issue at the house, we call someone qualified to do that service because I can't do it. The same is true for being a female lover for my wife. I can't do it, so I'm glad there is someone she loves and trusts to take care of it for her. I realized that it was mostly my ego causing the trouble. I had it in my head that any 'real man' would be able to satisfy all his wife's needs, but I realized that's not a one-size-fits-all solution. She is not just any woman; she is my wife, and her happiness required a different solution."

I thanked Eric for his time and perspective. We had talked about it at length but it all ultimately came back to same basic premise. Could I really look at it that way; that Wendy was simply providing a service that Kim needed and I was unable to provide? I certainly felt no jealousy when there was an actual workman in the house, and that was before I knew of Kim's inclination toward women. Of course, the plumbing in the house and Kim's plumbing are two very different things. But I did realize it likely was a sense of ego or pride or whatever that was at least part of the problem.

A man's self-worth is tied strongly to his ability to satisfy a woman, but that concept simply doesn't account for a bisexual person. It's not possible for one person of any gender to fulfill all their needs. And since I had no doubt that gay and bisexual people were 'born that way' then I'm holding against Kim something she had no control over.

But as I thought about it I came upon a realization: it was the deception that was truly angering me. She'd been cheating behind my back for 2 years; almost half of our 5-year marriage, and she'd never mentioned even a desire for other women, let alone an active engagement with one. I was denied the chance to make the right choice for me because facts were withheld. Would I have proposed if I had known the nature of Kim's previous relationships with the other girls? And the fact that she actually had to decide to marry a man and have children? In addition to that I wasn't given the chance 2 years ago to be a part of her decision.

I went home that night to talk further with Kim. She had made a teriyaki stir fry with some chicken and beef, and some store-bought egg rolls. We ate dinner while having only routine conversation. I wanted to wait for the real conversation so that we wouldn't be distracted by eating at the same time. We did the dishes together as we always did, then go out to the living room.

"I spoke with Eric today."

"I know. I assumed we'd be talking more tonight."

"He gave me some good insight on some things, and on that level I think I've reached a point where I might be able to become okay with your relationship with Wendy."

A warm smile came to her face.

"Do you mean that? I can keep seeing Wendy and not lose you?"

"I'm not done yet." Her smile quickly faded. "First, I was referring to the fact that you've been having one, not that one would be ongoing. But I'm having more difficulty dealing with the means by which this all took place. You carried on an affair behind my back for 2 years. You lied to me on a regular basis. Naturally I wonder what else you have been doing that I haven't had the misfortune of finding out about, and what else you've lied to me about."

"There isn't anything, I promise."

"I don't believe you, Kim. And that's the problem. I can't believe things you tell me right now. I can't even believe when you say I'm the only man you want. Those out of town teacher conferences you've been to over the years? Now I wonder what else went on, or if there even was a conference every time. You're my wife and I can't believe or trust you. I can't live like that."

"There must be some way I can earn your trust back."

"When I was done talking with Eric I felt good about what he had told me. But even as I came to terms with being able to accept the time you had with Wendy, something kept nagging at me. You explained that you actually needed to decide whether to be with a woman or to become a wife and mother. I feel duped and cheated that I wasn't given the option to decide if I wanted to be married to a bisexual woman. But I'm in the same boat you mentioned a couple days ago. It's no longer that simple. I love you, and giving up on that would be giving up on all the plans and dreams I had for us: having kids, raising a family, growing old together.

"We can still do those things! We can adopt. I want to give you a family."

"But there will always be this specter of another person in your life that you love as much as you love me. Don't try to deny it. I can see it in your eyes. It may be different love, but the amount of love is the same. What happens if I commit myself to you, to our life together, and something happens? Maybe something happens to Eric, or they divorce, and Wendy is free? I have no confidence that you wouldn't drop me to be with her full time. I know you said you wouldn't but, like I said, I don't believe what you say. And even assuming that's true today; that may change. How can I be reasonably expected to risk my entire life on someone who isn't willing to risk their entire life on me? It's like your hedging your bets. 'Well, the baby thing didn't work out but I have a lover to fall back on. If my marriage doesn't work out, I still have Wendy, or whoever it may be, to go to. For me the loss would be total and absolute. For you it would just be a minor inconvenience. And then I've lost all those years."

Her eyes flashed anger.

"That's not true and you know it! There is nothing minor or inconvenient about my love for you. Losing you would create a hole in my life I couldn't climb out of, no matter who or what else I had. Damn it Henry, can't you see that you are the love of my life? Whatever else I may have done, I wanted you to be happy and didn't want to hurt you. I couldn't tell you because I knew you'd react like this. But I needed it, Henry, to save my life, and yours by extension. It wasn't something I needed because I was horny or you didn't satisfy me as well as any man could; I needed it because I had lost a huge part of myself and I wouldn't have lived without filling it with something equally as precious that I didn't already have. Maybe you're right; maybe I'm a horrible person that can't be truly and fully happy with just one person. But you're the man that makes me happier than any other single person in this world possibly could, and I wouldn't survive if you left me, because there would be nothing in the whole world I could fill it with. Wendy wouldn't be enough without you. I need you. I love you. I want you. Please, please don't leave me. I will never hide anything from you again. I didn't give you a chance to approve, to help me survive, and I'm sorry about that. I'd change it if I could, but I can't. I will stop seeing Wendy if that's what you ask of me. Nothing, nothing is more important to my life than you. My life is in your hands, Henry. Save it, toss it away. It's your choice. I am at your whim and your will."

Tears streamed down her face as she handed her fate to me. Now what? I needed more time to think. I called Matt and Angela and asked for the use of their guest room for a couple of nights. They reiterated I was always welcome. Kim packed me a bag as I spoke, still taking care of me as she had before.

"I'll be back in a couple of days and hopefully I'll know what I want to do. I do love you, Kim. I just wonder if it's enough.

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WENDY

I felt awful. I know that ultimately it was Kim that initiated our relationship and all I did was respond and follow her guidelines, but I should have considered my part of being in an extramarital relationship.

But after 2 years I really did love Kim and considered her an important part of my life. Even if we weren't able to continue being intimate I hoped we could still be friends, and I also wanted to help her. And with my wonderfully caring husband's approval I came up with a way I might be able to help save the marriage of a woman I adored.

The next day I went to see Henry, who was staying with his friends Matt and Angela. Kim had told me where he was, but didn't know I intended to go see him. I was nervous. Maybe he'd shut me out or just react violently toward someone he saw as intruding on his marriage. I didn't know but I had to try. I rang the bell.

Henry opened the door and he looked at me, and I realized that he didn't recognize me.

"I'm sorry, but Matt and Angela aren't here."

"That's okay. I'm here to see you, Henry. I guess you don't recognize me. I'm Wendy."

"Oh. Did Kimberly send you?

"No. She doesn't know I'm here. She happened to mention where you were staying when we were talking the last night. That's how I knew where to find you. May I have 5 minutes?"

"Of course. Come on in. Can I get you anything?

"No thank you."

"Well, it's your 5 minutes. What can I do for you?"

I sat down on a very nice sofa and Henry took the recliner opposite me. I could see the pain in his eyes from this experience and I doubt seeing me was making things any better, but I hoped that would change.

"I've come to ask you to please take Kim back. If you will I won't bother her again. She loves you very much. She has told me that many times. She needs you more than she needs me. Wants you more and loves you more. Please don't abandon her."

"Wendy, I appreciate you coming here on her behalf. It seems clear to me that you both care for each other very much, and I recognize that there was no intent to disrespect me, even if that's what ultimately happened. But I'm in a very difficult position. I love Kim very much and I want her to be happy, but I can't continue knowing what you two are doing. At the same time, depriving her of that will hurt her in a way I don't want to and will likely affect our marriage in the long run. But with her not being able to have children, either my wife is having sex with another person or she's hurt by a void in her life. I really have no idea what to do."

"Well, I'd like to make a suggestion; an offer, I guess you would call it, that might be of some help."

"Wendy, if you can suggest something I haven't thought of I'm all ears."

"Well, it's something you've thought of, but you didn't know how to get there. My suggestion is for you guys to have a baby."

Henry reacted exactly as I thought he would: with a look of utter confusion, since he knew as well as anyone that Kim couldn't have children. I continued.

"Henry, we know Kim can't get pregnant, but do you know if she would be physically able to carry a baby to term?"

"I don't know, nor do I understand how that's relevant. If she can't get pregnant what does it matter if she can carry a baby?"

"Kim and I are very similar physically, wouldn't you agree?"

Kim and I were both of similar heights with a lean athletic build, dark blonde hair, and small breasts.

"I would say that's true."

"So, I would like to offer to help you and Kim have a baby. If Kim is able to carry one then I will donate my eggs. They can fertilize them with your sperm and implant them in Kim. If she is not able to even carry a baby, then I will carry the baby for you. We can use your sperm to artificially inseminate me and when the baby is born we'll give it to you and Kim to raise as your own baby. The physical similarity between Kim and me would make it appear that she was the biological mother. Of course, I would hope that I could continue to be a part of your lives, and the baby's by extension, but that's your choice to make, and my offer stands even if you won't allow that."

I watched Henry's reaction and he seemed overwhelmed. His eyes got moist but no tears actually fell.

"Wendy, that is a...remarkably generous offer. Have you spoken with Eric about this?"

"He's on board with it. First, he understands the guilt I feel at having been a part of your problems. Secondly, he knows how horny I get when I'm pregnant, and he rather likes the idea of benefitting from that without having a baby to raise when it's all over."

We both got a chuckle from that.

I continued. "I understand this is something you'll have to think about. I've not mentioned it to Kim so she won't know if you decide against it. Just let me know what you decide and we can go on from there. I should get going. Thank you for your time."

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HENRY

Crap. So here was another wrinkle tossed in, and an interesting one. I talked about it with Matt and Angela that night. They were united in their opinion that I needed to get my head out of my ass and get back to the woman I loved and that loved me and find a solution to this mess. Abandoning her was not the solution, they said; it would destroy both of our lives. It occurred to me that they were probably right. I was going to have to swallow some pride and rid myself of some preconceived expectations if I was to move forward. It was like Eric had said: she is not just a woman, she is my wife, and her happiness required a solution just for her, and for us.

I went to work the next day then home that evening. Kim was already there and was preparing dinner for us. I pulled her into my arms and gave her a long, passionate kiss, one like I hadn't given her in months.

"Does that kiss mean what I dare hope it means?"

"We'll talk after dinner, which smells great, by the way. When you make coffee after dinner you'll need to make extra. We're having guests."

With that I went into the bedroom and changed. I was shaking in anxiety. I was definitely out of my comfort zone but it was absolutely necessary. Dinner was straightforward, though we didn't talk much. We were both lost in thought: me about what I was about to do and say, and her probably wondering which direction her life was going to go. We did the dishes together again and shortly thereafter Wendy and Eric arrived, at my invitation.

"Kim, I'm prepared to make another go of us, but I have some conditions that you need to hear before making a decision."

"Baby, whatever they are I'm sure I'll agree. As long as you stay with me I'll agree."

"First, and I think you already know this: you'll need to give up your intimate relationship with Wendy. I love you and I want you to be as happy as you can be, but I simply can't accept that. Either my wife is intimate with only me, or I'm the only she can't be intimate with."

"I expected that, honey, and I've already told you I would do that."

"Second, I expect our sex life to be more fulfilling, hopefully for both of us, and more frequent. We've spent the first 6 years of our relationship doing far more cuddling than fucking, if you'll pardon my vulgarity, and that needs to change. I will no longer be satisfied with coupling once a week and cuddling the rest of the time. It is important to our lives and our marriage. I would also like you to initiate sometimes. It makes me feel like you're just doing it to humor me and check it off the list if I always have to start things. I need to feel like you want it, not just that you're willing."

"That won't be a problem, baby. Once I realized I may have lost you forever, I realized how much I did want you. I've wanted us to make love every night since this started, because I've finally realized how much I love you and need you. I've been keeping you at a distance the whole time, thinking I was somehow protecting myself. But I was just hurting myself."

"Finally, you will be expected to quit your job. I make plenty of money to support us just fine."

"But Henry, I love my job, and I don't see how it has anything to do with this. Can you at least explain why?"

"Of course. First, it's not immediate. You can keep on the job through one more school year. But after that, you're going to need to be at home to take care of the children. I won't have my kids raised in a day care."

"Wh...what kids, Henry?"

I smiled at her.

"Our kids, baby."

"I...I don't understand."

"I made a phone call to Dr. Zimmerman's office to get some information. Perhaps you remember the medical consent form you signed entitling me to be given any information regarding your medical care. Well, I had a question for Dr. Z; specifically, were you capable of carrying a baby to term, should you somehow become pregnant. The answer, regrettably, is no. In addition to the lack of fertility, your uterus was rendered unable to support the carrying of a child. This was not the news I had hoped for but it was not unexpected."

"So, there's really no hope."

"My darling, there is nothing but hope. You see, someone, call it God or whatever else you wish, has taken mercy on us and delivered us our savior, and she sits before you."

"Wendy? What are you talking about? Wendy, what is he talking about?"