All Comments on 'A Drinking Game'

Long drawn out start that was into them fucking pretty soon, more suited to erotic couplings than romance. 2 *

Here is what I think

Your writing mechanics are great-much better than 90% of the idiots that think they can write.

The opening was good. It had a bit of a hook in it, and it was a situation that many readers can easily put themselves into.

The plot was not good. There was precious little plot line, and you could see upcoming events a mile away. As soon as "the room mate was out of town", the rest of the story was predictable---and maybe even a little bit tedious.

Also there was no counterpoint or conflict, just a straight linear trajectory from opening to close. No other boyfriend, no misunderstanding or fight, no conflict. Good romance will have some inner conflict. The plot will also have some misdirection.

The characters were pretty one-dimensional and flat. No demons, no conflicting priorities, no bad habits, etc.

Keep at it. You have a good ear for language and writing...just spend a little more time on plot

Hope that helps. Anonymous only because you can't give honest feedback on this site without putting up with nonsense.

than the electricity required to type

a good loser knows when he is lost

1 star

Doesn't really fit the story.

Not sure I agree with everything that “Some Serious Criticism” had to say. I agree that the story was well written and would encourage you to keep on, but I’m not so concerned about the “plot deficit.” The story does have a conflict and an arc: the narrator doesn’t have the confidence to pursue the pretty girl, but he treats her kindly and she notices. Kind of a stock motif, perhaps, but an effective one. I liked the characters, too. I don’t see why inner demons need be a necessary prerequisite.

But I did think that the personality of the characters kind of disappeared after the drinking. The sex part seemed like boilerplate to me, interchangeable with scenes from a zillion other nine-incher stories on this site. To me, a romance involves two characters falling in love, not just into the sack.

Well, those sirens won’t let them sleep long. How will they feel about themselves and about each other when they wake up?

Not too bad for a first effort. I do agree that it does get tiresome reading about all the guys with 9" dicks and girls with DD boobs. That being said, I would like to see how you continue this story - the last sentence has me intrigued just a little.

Go ahead and publish a 2nd chapter and lets see what happens. Keep up the good work.

For a first effort, you show a latent talent. I agree with some of the previous comments and disagree with others, but I for one urge you to work at your new craft. Like some, I get tired of the el monster dick, etc, apparently to some, erotica is like we used to say in the army; feel em, fuck em, forget um! That is not erotica in my book. Block out your story line to establish the timing, the flow, the character and situational development. My 5 star was for a beginner with promise. Carry on.

of 1 star writings,,,,,,,,,,,, maybe.

Nicely portrayed attractive characters, next time develop them bit more and so do their romance. Like you could've described about a time when they hung out and developed their romantic feelings and little longer sex scene won't hurt either! Great job, keep it up please. And thanks for writing!

Quite a few relationships have started the same way. Alcohol does reduce inhibitions and breaks barriers

It was pretty good, cool protagonists and a good plot; but if you want to put similar stories under romance consider developing the characters a bit more.

ISIS wacko

Please don't write any more

Stopped reading at that point

1Star

Good story that ended on a cliffhanger