All Comments on 'A Family Adventure Episode 01'

Children .. Children .. Damn kids ..

As usual at children, imagination only dates back to.. blowjob..

- And almost every entry (story) on Literotica, he MUST start from.. of what?? - Of course from the blowjob!

Children .. Children ..

I don't like to be overly critical... But thus just isn't good. Maybe if it weren't written in present tense..? It just seems sloppy.

I liked the story very much and look forward to more chapters

Very sloppy writing, really abysmal editing, and a total lack of imagination.

This was a (mercifully) short story, with an unoriginal and completely unrealistic conceptualization of what might, possibly, potentially, happen when a mom finds evidence her daughter is curious about sex. You could have taken it anywhere, but where you went seems to amount to a rape fantasy. No thanks. I'll pass.

And when it comes to your "writing", you seem to be one of those folks who likes... no, scratch that... who LOVES to write things in ALL CAPS!! With lots of exclamation points!! And sometimes QUESTION MARKS!?!?

I could try to ignore the lack of a coherent plot, and the terrible writing style, but when I see the literary equivalent of road-kill that peppers this story, I have to keep stopping to shake my head in dismay.

I mean, they're waiting for their daughter to come home from "collage"? An activity that uses scraps of paper and other junk, glued to some a surface, and labeled "art"? Did you mean "College"? An institute of learning? If a shit-ton of people bitch about typos and poor grammar, why does it still come a shock when an author gets called out on typos and poor grammar?

Also, as already pointed out, you wrote this story in the present tense, a tense that should be reserved for people making up their BS fantasy as they go. Not for telling a story that would be of interest to anyone else with two brain cells they can rub together. It makes for difficult reading, and even more difficult comprehension from the people you're trying to impress.

Oh, and can anyone explain what the hell Rancoor is trying to say? I've read his comment over and over, and all I'm getting is some kind of gibberish. Did he write it out in some other language first, and then run it through some cheap-ass translation program? Hey, Rancoor, if you're going to trash someone for writing poorly, don't write worse than the person you're insulting.

Well I was going to talk about the story being total garbage, but I don't think I can top SomethingInTheWaySheMoves' comment, soooo... Yeah, I'll just sum it up with:

I give the story one star. I give SomethingInTheWaySheMoves' comment 5 stars.

This offering has horrible technical problems (e.g., "warm moister;" vacillation between present and past tense) and a simple, unimaginative plot with no character development. If you are intending to continue writing, you should use an editor and, by all means, check the dictionary for the definition of "novella."

People comment on the lack of imagination in the story or the grammatical errors but really that's just not fair. Someone is putting their work out there and it was enjoyable to read and see the story play out. Don't be critical but suggest ideas that can be put toward future improvement.

Example: try adding more detail

Try adding more of the different characters thoughts

Good luck and just have fun

I havent seen many incest non consent ones so ill take what i can get

Stairs are NOT comfortable to be "thrown" over, what the hell? Unfortunately I think only the writer got turned by this as it was being written. So poorly done and sounding like a teenager and prudish mother type wannabe sexed up female.

I couldn't finish reading it.

PLEASE post episode 2!!!

More maybe the big sister next

A bit vanilla. Perhaps some more erotic words and more force.

Great keep them cumming

OK. When do we get to do Emily? The ending kind of left us high and dry , , , ,