All Comments on 'A FIFA Game'

So, while I'm not going to lie and say this was very good, I think it's great that you're writing! Everyone should write sometime. Just read some more and look at how they write and think about what you like in the characters and how they develop. Try and make the spelling and punctuation a little more consistent as well. You have some work ahead of you, but it's worth it when you tell a story well, and have it received well.

Simple spelling and grammatical errors. The guy getting fucked and starting to break everything. breaking glass would have cut him up wicked bad. he could never shatter a ps3 controller....

Use contractions. When you keep saying, "I am ...," instead of "I'm ...," you sound like Data.

Feelings and desire are revealed. It is best to have older woman take charge of training and transformation. It can happen if you are honest with a relative.