All Comments on 'A Flame in the Night Ch. 04'

Actually, am not used to reading in this category, but I'll try to comment:

1 - No actual sex - no problem, as long as sexual tension does exist, as your tags indicate. And, although not necessarily to my taste, there is - so mission accomplished there.

2 - Actually, if I ever got that lucky in my life, I would have died of a myocardial infarction, but happy - so yes, it fits in fetish.

3 - I personally would not have composed it the way that you did - but it's valid, and I can't criticize it, and it's quite readable.

4 - Humor - yes, although not all of it was exactly to my taste, I could see it, and enjoy it sufficiently (although to be fair, no one could top Rose Nylund killing men by sleeping with them on "The Golden Girls", not even Isabel Allende).

5 - Ending - see 2, again - not all endings have to be happy - I do like a bit of bitter with my sweet, and the pun was delicious!

Would I read the rest of your series? Honestly, I may some day when I want to do something different, but I am not as familiar with fetish as I am with other categories, so please don't be offended with a 4, and a "not tonight", okay?

I see this is a series and in this story I did not read anything that I would classify as a fetish? Since it is a series then maybe the Novel / Novella section might be more appropriate?

With that said the one issue that I had with this story is the very causal style that you used. While I can understand that it might make the story more personalble,the problem is that it adds a lot of unnecessary lines to the story and adds grammatical errors thereby distracting the reader. My feeling if you take that little bit extra time time to edit and ask yourself, "is this necessary for the story?" It will help to improve your scores and help get your stories noted.

Thanks roomfor1more. I'm not familiar with the Novel/Novella section. But originally I thought that section was better suited for finished works. And I felt uncomfortable knowing my story was a work in progress, so I started the series in romance and put individual stories where I thought they best fit.

I will have to work on balance with saying too little and saying too much, being too word thrifty versus being overly wordy. When I first started writing I was cutting straight to the point. This time I tried to be extra colorful.

Thanks Framboise. Complements on your enjoyable review!

Some may argue that this is not a fetish piece, but as the definition suggests a sexual attractions can take many different forms, and I felt I had presented some cases of it here.

I’m glad you like the pun. I worked very hard trying to make that effective and as you said bitter and sweet.

I was thinking of how to comment on this 4th chapter but on reading the comments of Framboise and Room for 1 more I don't think I need to add anything more.