All Comments on 'A Fool and His Money'

I liked it! 5*

If I ever want to find and hook up with an old flame, I simply need to jump into this story. Some may say the ending was rushed, but I believe the author gave us enough info along the way to see the big picture ending.

A couple of grammar hints for the author and others: 1. The glaring recurring error = setup vs. set up. You can admire Marcus's setup, but you set up a file. It's like checkout vs. check out. 2. envelope vs. envelop This one only happened once, but is easily fixed. Remember, envelop is pronounced like develop. Accordingly, you do not put a letter in an envelop.

***** STARS!

No weird sissy gay husband shit. Thanks for writing.

2 stars for the skimmed over after the 1st page.

But it was like drinking a Vanilla milkshake! There was no dramatic tension in this story. Right from the start, we (the readers) are told that it has a happy ending for the protagonist. He faces no real challenges; never faces a set-back, and doesn't have to rise to the occasion and overcome any adversity or complication to his plan. Like I said, "No Dramatic Tension." And that is what I like to read in an LW story.

Once they discover the plans against them everything immediately starts to go their way.

Writers need to remember that "No plan survives contact with the enemy", then use that wisdom to make a more dramatic story.

Attack and counterattack, and .......

After a big build up, the ending was a lot rushed. Overall a good read though. Enjoyed it. Finally a story without the usual wimp crap in it that has become the norm lately. 4 stars. Looking forward to the next one.

Thanks for sharing.

How droll. Forced myself to read it all, BTW. Fell asleep repeatedly.

Good story with ups and downs, but the final result was very good...4*

I liked it. Simple and too the point with a little coincidence to keeping from being 6-8 pages or more. Damned if you do and damned if you don't with the LW crowd. Not sure I fully understood how getting her out of the house was the only/best way to go but that wasn't truly important. Big picture: two sleaze balls, two intelligent but gullible people, one uber expert friend, back story on how they all knew each other, cheat g and revenge. How those high points are connected is how this story is unique.

I've noted how some readers get too wrapped up in the details or demand expertise about specific points to the story that really don't matter. It's Literotica, few if any writers can reasearch the way a novelist would. Hey, guess what? These aren't novels...lol. Writers here use what knowledge they have with an active imagination to create stories that entertain. Sometimes the entertainment is to create sexual excitement and sometimes it's to make a point. Lit would be better if there was a specific place for the cuck stories but que sera, sera. Nice job of going from point A in your plot to point B. Hope you'll write more.

Six critical characters, each remarkably successful in mostly different areas. A laptop the physical presence of which was somehow vital, despite being imaged, or cloned, onto Hubby's machine. A divorce attorney who served NO function. Shadow administrators/crooks who were never introduced (thank goodness!) Travel that seemed superfluous, and never taken anyway.

Way too many coincidences, and discoveries made in the nick of time. (Reminiscent of childhood Saturday serials!) Discoveries of plots and nefarious activities which had been in place for years, but which got twarted within a day or two. Federal agents who became ready to pounce within this tiny sliver of time. Add in TWO couples refinding First True Love while fixing this massive scam and innocent-fall-guy scheme! Throw in a single HOT reunion to qualify as erotica!

Ambitious ... but ... perhaps TOO much so!

Great story, had to read it all and enjoyed the twists. As for the person signed as "Anonymous" who thought it was 'droll', obviously a lack of imagination on their side and guess they should go back to sleep. Thanks for the fun read. J

How did so many supposedly intelligent people get fooled for so long? How was Jasmine unmarried after 20 years when she seem to have everything going for her? Can anyone just phone the FBI and get an instant response with previously knowing a name to contact? Good story but could have been much better.

I liked your story but found all those hookups and timing all unbelievable. All 6 characters all knew each other in college. And then the 2 burnt parties get together with the two who didn't see them in years. Wierd if you ask me and they all recovered and lived happily ever after.

But entirely too much 'happily ever after' stuff happened in entirely too short of a time.

I kept wondering when the mice were going to turn into horses?

I'm torn. You clearly can write, but you really need to challenge yourself. This was a pretty humdrum by the numbers story. Just once I'd like to see how an ordinary guy would respond to extraordinary circumstances. Extraordinary people with extraordinary resources is too easy.

Three stars.

and twist it, you need a large fulcrum. TK U MLJ LV NV and don't forget, they have 15 years to figure out a payback. mlj

To me i liked this story and hope he writes more like it . Awesome job . Thanks

There are no coincidences.

And yet,

without them this story would fall apart like a 1,000 piece jigsaw puzzle during a 9.5 earthquake. .

I just hate such stories told at the 4th-6th grade levels, like this one, with the author thinking semi-seriously his audience should act like grown ups when they read this. Stupid expectation.

I think this one would have gone better under "Humor & Satire."

Perfectly fine writing, if a bit rushed in terms of always scurrying to the next plot point.

The "special skills friends" and "wife who loves someone else and married me to get my money" schticks are overused enough to weaken every story they touch, these days.

If he says yes, RUN!

Well written stew of cliches. A fun fantasy romp

Great fluff piece with good guys, and bad guys, and subterfuge and stuff.

Absolutely awesome and perfect and fun to read.

A story about the impossibly rich, impossibly good looking impossibly gifted, with wonderful talented friends ready to do anything for them. Hard to identify with any of that.

Thanks for sharing.

I agree with zedo. A tremendous fluff piece that has good winning over evil.

Five Stars

Too many unbelievable hidden relationships. Not enough character development .

Poor dialogue, scenes jump without exposition. I mean one moment he is home then at the office then home.

I had to stop reading when the protagonist says he didn't sleep with a fellow high school student because she was easy !! So his adult morality was complete in high school! 2*s .Reading two pages felt like twenty. Couldn't read anymore.

FNS269 don't know what to do if you post again, maybe I'll read you. I hope you improve, good luck.

AMerryMan

This is more of a crime story, as opposed to an erotic story. Doesn't belong in LW, or for that matter Literotica. As someone else noted, impossible to identify with characters, who can pull off all these type of stunts. As far as not accepting a settlement, and going to trial, if the money is right, everyone settles.

Although totally implausible, this was a fun read...bad guys lose...good guys win. I couldn't stop reading this in spite of life's interruptions. This would make a foundation for a great movie. Thanks for your five stars effort.

That's the good part -- you write well enough to keep the action going at breakneck speed. However, the speed at which events happen, and how briefly each event is handled, makes it feel like a travel video on fast forward mode

Also, the improbability of all of these relationship re-connections is too much even by

Literotica standards.

I'm touring LW from A to Z and that's how I came across this story. I really enjoyed this great double BTB with a four way happy ending. I don't know anything about coding, so I believe the whole story. Great work.

Reading this authors work again. He was good, and I wish he was back writing again.

"We were pregnant"

This bit of dated (I think 90s) idiocy loses a star. Otherwise, the story was too formulaic. The writing was good technically, though.

5 stars - it was a great FANTASY - keep writing.

Awesome story, well crafted and it flowed well. It kept me interested. KUDOS