All Comments on 'A Forced Foray'

Stop writing until you figure it out...

She gets wet when on display and loves stripping. And you say it shouldn't be in the exhibitionist category. Yea, right.

Thought the story jumped about a bit too much, but it did hold my attention, which isn't easy to do for seven pages. I even found my fingers drifting down to my clit at times, so four stars.

I have a generic complaint about these forced exhibitionist stories in that they move too fast, but that's just me. Once Ash walks around in a sheer shirt, going actually topless is a small step.

Also, many mentions of how wet she gets, not too much about how horny she is...does she masturbate every night?

Idea: rather than Jason videoing her in the shower, have it be a different guy. Then, she chase Guy into Jason's room and destroys Jason's computer, thinking it is the Guy's. Dean can then expel Guy, still assign Ash to Jason, and Jason can have the reasonable understanding that she is a self-entitled nut.

Premise. Any college girl would have had Jason's nuts on a plate. Sorry.

Thanks for the constructive comments! This is the first piece of erotic fiction I've written, and I learned a lot from the process. Hopefully I can maintain the suspension of disbelief next time a little bit better :)

The writing itself is good and I am a fan of the forced exhibitionism. A little rushed toward the end. The idea that she wouldn't complain to someone else about the treatment is hard to swallow.

Its a little too much humiliation and force its too close to rape for me to enjoy it

I liked your structure and your story telling ability. What makes it challenging for me to get really into is what others are sharing. Filming another person in a bathroom is illegal and the dean's reaction is where it started to unravel for me. She could've murdered the guy(s) for that.

I agree with the other person, i love the length and the deatail, hell i came and there were no sex scenes! But the story is unreasonable, that kid would be laughed out of court and she would be rich off of that lawsuit. Great story though!

Can you continue this? I really like the story a lot.

in parts .. fucking brilliant

impressive story telling at it's best..

in other parts , fucking terrible ,

i hate stories that wave a magic wand to achieve

the desired direction the Author requires ...

still voted 5 stars ,

but only because most of the story was top quality

How any women could go along with Jason is unimaginable. On the other once, you go along with her submission, the story keeps you wanting to read more. Like another comment says, it is well written in parts and drabber in other sections and the typos.