All Comments on 'A Game Between Cousins Ch. 01'

read more like rape, also mustard on sensitive skin around cock?

It reads like the characters aren't exactly 18 years old (and I don't mean they're older)

Pity it ended so soon, could have been longer for all I care.

You could make another chapter, just another visit some months later or something

Then make believe it was honey. Feel better?

As for age, doesn't everyone here acknowledge that all participants are 18 or older?

Nice story. A little quick in places, but overall it was very nice, and showed more imagination than I've seen in awhile.

Fuck, after a good story, (I hope there will be another part,) you got to bitch about being 18, and mustard, that's sad. Shut the fuck up. If all you got out of this story is that, get a life.

A bit about process, and to address a few initial comments (consent, age). My apologies, as this comment will be long:

First, age: The characters in the story are 18, as can be inferred when the narrator points out they're both technically adults now (a feeling of technicality I myself had at 18, where I was legally an adult and had a job and car, but was still in high school, living with my parents and was far from feeling like an adult). This was explicitly outlined in draft, but was intentionally dropped in final as I find stories where the characters inexplicably list their attributes a bit jarring. In fact descriptions of the characters were almost entirely dropped in draft, to allow the reader to envision whomever they wanted in the roles.

Now on to consent: I set out to write a quick story where, when given the chance to do anything to someone, sex would be initiated very quickly. That meant no real foreplay. No sexual back and forth. Just an opportunity taken. In writing the story it started to get away from that vision, and I had to reel it back in multiple times. When writing about sex I tend to lean on my own experiences (as most of us do), which of course involve consent, foreplay and mutual satisfaction. I didn't realize until later drafts the obvious: the scenario of the game would inevitably be one in which one party exerted their will over another's. The point of the game is being unable to protest what's done to you.

In my initial draft it was Jen who started the encounter (women initiating the encounter is present in all my previous stories), but that felt disingenuous. Jen was primarily interested in causing James discomfort through the game for her amusement, while James was interested in exerting control over Jen through tickling, which he did (if only subconsciously) for his sexual gratification. Once James took control of the sex act, it felt too much like fantasy for Jen to be 100% on board with this emotionally, and far too outlandish to believe she'd achieve orgasm from a virgin's fumbling attempts at 3 minute love making (especially considering how little foreplay there'd been, and her nervousness around her first time). Her body responded favorably to his advances, but James couldn't be both an inexperienced virgin and an expert at love making.

The story can only be in one category, and I ultimately felt incest was the appropriate one, but nonconsent/reluctance would have been entirely appropriate as well. I never thought I'd write a story without explicit consent, but during the writing process it became clear that's the story I was telling, and I could either betray the story or I'd have to be okay with that.

For an example where I betrayed the initial concept (as well as what happened in real life)   and let the sex get over-the-top, to the detriment of the story, read my initial submission: What are Friends For?

I cringe just thinking about how bad I butchered it and how far I let the story get away from me and what I found arousing about the encounter. Some people seem to like it though, so what do I know?

I had considered adding an author's note at the beginning of this story to make some of these points, as I'd done in previous stories and as is common for erotica, but ultimately decided to let the reader go to the story fresh, and then address any issues in the comments.

Thank you for reading, and thank you to those who have left (and to those who will hopefully leave) feedback. I hope you enjoyed reading the story as much as I enjoyed writing it.

War and Peace could be posted on this site somewhere and some knuckle head would find fault with it. It's the authors story not yours. Don't like it? Don't read it. I swear some of you come on here just bitch and moan about a story.

TBC

Really awkward and rapey. This isnt consentual and thats not okay. I feel like this story was cute until he fucked her . not cute at all. Actually really gross and you ruined the innocent bond between family :(

I thought it was a good story, in fact, it would still be a good story if they were both 16, or even 14. Games like this is how 90% of teens have their first sexual encounter.

Both knew where the game playing would lead and wanted it. Happens with many young people and it is usually fun.

Whoever said that games like this are common as first experiences is probably right. As a horny teenager, I certainly tried to make such games work, but never got beyond first base (so to speak). Under their circumstances (friends & cousins, alcoholic parents, friendly competition, some arguments over the rules), I think calling the sex "non-consent" or "rapey" is over the top. The language of "special snowflakes." What, she should have signed a written consent form? She could have stopped it if she'd really wanted to (that is, he would have stopped), and until the crucial moment, he could too. She wanted to talk by phone immediately after, which indicates their relationship was not broken.

A lot of the critical comments (not just on this story, but in Literotica in general) remind me of a quotation from a famous English novel: "Very little achievement is required in order to pity another man's shortcomings." IOW, if somebody is going to tell you how your story should have been written, let him/her DEMONSTRATE in one of their own stories! Probably 4*.

Really?!?!

Um, awkward is right. I think the author got that right. Even if both parties were hot and horny and raring to go, it would still be that way because they are family. And family is taboo! It's not rocket science!!

But rapey? I don't think so. Especially when he gives her the chance to back out and her response is: "No, of course not," she sighed, "but I haven't..." can you guess what she was going to finish with? Jen in the story really did not strike me as the sort of character that would just quietly lay there and accept her fate. (To tell the truth, I would probably be just as outrage as "Rapey" if that was the case, but I'm trying to maintain the rage here..lol)

And then, some of these moronic readers won't be happy unless a full contract is filled out, in triplicate, annotated and forwarded to all parties -lawyers included, and approved by jury through a centralised supreme court for copulation or something. And even then, they'd still complain.

And this little gem: "Actually really gross and you ruined the innocent bond between family :(" -What the fuck are you doing in the Incest/Taboo section if that's how you feel about a bit of family lovin'?

Even though this might just be a fantasy tale, it holds authenticity in the fact that we all have played such games as kids.. It may not have ended like this one but who are we to judge.. I loved the story!

Ps:- for those who call it rapey and wrong thing for the family should not hang around Incest/ taboo categories. peace.

Nicely written story. This has room to grow, please continue.

dam I wish I was jen

Hope you will add another chapter and follow up with more.

This is storyland no babies or vd

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I enjoyed the story as written, but did feel a little uncomfortable when he did the deed. I probably would have gone the oral foreplay route to leave things open for her to respond and up the ante, so that he could respond and up the ante, and so on.

I don't know if I would continue this story going by your (the author's) comment about letting things get out of control. That being said, a continuation would allow you to "save" the story. I, for one, would definitly read a continuation, as I liked this story line.

This was a great story but mine is from real life. Early in life was normal but as we grew older we were all attracted to each other sexually. I became a pilot while in high

School and was the transportation for our family that lived 400 miles apart. We cousins knew that riding together was place to try out teenage foreplay. My first time to get naked below the waist for all of us for finger fucking for the girls and handjobs for me. the girls went to college turned 18 became warm pusys for my penis. And if things got to hot I would land on a dirt road 50 miles so that we could fuck. (This was between Roswell NM, Albuquerque NM and Oklahoma City) So there was lots of opportunity to fuck each other and after we all married we continued to meet on Xmas and other holidays. None of our spouses ever caught on.

Thank you for your comment and feedback! I really appreciate it. I'm sorry you found the ending uncomfortable. That said, my hope is that most readers found the story and characters realistic enough, and likeable enough, to be uncomfortable during the finale. I was certainly uncomfortable when writing it, and have never spent so much time dwelling on and changing each little sentence as I did during the sex scene.

My opinion on sequels, generally, is I don't do them. The reason for this is I'm less interested in the sex in erotica, and more interested in the circumstances leading up to it and the characters involved. In life the first sex you have with a partner isn't the best sex you two will have, but it's usually the most exciting. Multipart stories are very popular though, as are husband/wife stories, so I know this isn't a universal opinion by any means.

I do really like your idea of a sequel as a form of redeeming the story. To be clear, I don't think the story need saving, and am happy with the direction it took, but a sequel would be a great chance to give Jen additional agency and to do right by her.

So stay tuned, and thank you again for the feedback!

I really enjoyed your story. Very real feel and so believable. Will watch for more of your stuff...

I for one enjoyed it and didn't feel that it was rapey, especially since she pulled his dick out first and put her mouth on it, one way or another. I appreciate you not listing the attributes, I can't stand when someone says ("Oh she was 21 and had big 40DD tits") that shit pisses me off so much because not everyone has the same tastes. I want to envision the characters appearance based on what I'm attracted to. I also like the build up and foreplay and prefer things not to be too rushed. Although If they haven't fucked by page 3-5 I've more than likely lost interest and moved on. That's about as long as I can take without getting some sort of action and once they've had Vaginal and Anal intercourse there's not really anything left to make it more taboo. So a second story with same characters is pointless imo after that. My favorite stories are the ones where they're in the car or messing around literally right behind another relatives back so to speak. I totally expected the girl to say something over the phone at the end like "You know, you broke the rules you owe me 3 minutes :)"

I came here to read one of your stories after you kindly left some constructive comments on my first effort. I loved the story and the way it was written. It had a good flow and the dialogue was very natural and believable when so often it can seem very stilted or just outrageous. I loved the device of the 60 second game as something youngsters would play and one that can so easily develop into something more sexual. I hope I can develop my writing to be able to produce something this good and this arousing.

Drew me in from the very beginning. I was hoping there is more , then I saw Ch 2.

Great story!

A really enjoyable story. The cousin dynamic is very appealing. They're separated enough that they can like each other and be friends without the baggage of being siblings, and their long history together lets them horse around in a way that still feels innocent and childlike. The characterization of Jen as headstrong and hesitant all at the same time was very well done. The gradual buildup from tickling to something more was also well done. In fact, you gave us the final "consequence" twice, once in James' imagination, which was risque itself, and once as it actually played out. That change in course seemed plenty realistic to me. Things go out of control, particularly in that direction. As for non-consent, I think both cousins knew what they were flirting with. Jen's emotion at the end added another realistic overtone. Thanks.

Enjoyed this. Liked your story-line and the pace of the story.

Loved the consequential undertones of the story. Too many in this category forget how to do that. Definitely had to adjust my pants reading this.

Hot story!

I've read it more than once. It turns me on every time. I imagine I'm playing a similar game.

I cannot rate it. The writing is superb and probably one of the most realistic first time story out there. Especially between cousins. It was hot, well written, suspenseful and then... the sexton. And the aftermath. It deserves 5 stars, but then I feel like I'm endorsing assault, or rape. I hope your other stories don't make me feel sorry for or hate characters. But like I said, you are a fantastic writer!

Bites his penis, 3-minute consensual free use, doesn't sound rapey to me