A God Called Bruce Pt. 05

I grabbed two bottles of Marge's prize champagne and ported to Suki's house, hoping she would be at home. She was.

Chapter 52: Clean-up

The day arrived. All the Gods and humans from our little world were there as well as the Six-pack and Hermes. They had formed a semi circle around the tunnel entrance. I stepped into the centre and addressed the small crowd.

"You all know what I am about to do and why. We think we know what is supposed to happen, but success is by no means certain. We might have missed something or we might have made a mistake somewhere. Only walking the tunnel will show if we enter a new era or not. If something goes wrong Bruce and Marge will continue the project, we cannot let our Bluey friends down. I love each and every one of you. Wish me luck."

As I turned towards the tunnel Vulcan stepped forward.

"I shall go with you," he said. "Should you walk to your doom, at least you will have a friend at your side."

I was just about to say something in reply when Hades stepped forward and announced he was going as well.

It took me a while to close my mouth before I could stammer: "You ... Hades? Why?"

"There is this obnoxious, arrogant human who needs to understand once and for all that my balls are as big as his," he said with a grin.

"Fair enough," I said, "let's go."

Nothing seemed to happen at first. About a quarter of the way I noticed that my heart wasn't thumping in my throat any more and that the feeling of apprehension had disappeared. My body felt lighter, my step had more spring in it.

At the half way mark I felt the noise in my head abating. Niggling thoughts, doubts disappeared the farther we walked. I felt more in control. When we came close to the exit I knew something profound had happened. I experienced an inner peace like never before. My perception was keener, my thoughts clearer. Vulcan put it in a nutshell when we exited the tunnel.

"I'm free," he said.

"That we are," said Hades.

All eyes were on us as we walked back to the others, using a path outside the tunnel this time. Hades was the first to speak. He nodded to his siblings and said simply: "Yes!"

Evidently that was enough. With Zeus in the lead Hades' brothers and sisters entered the tunnel.

Seeing the supreme Gods from Olympus walking the tunnel erased any doubts some might have had. Everyone followed. A short time later we were all in the barbeque area. Marge hexed a glass of Champagne into everyone's hand and said: "Welcome to a new world."

We drank to that.

We celebrated the rest of the day. Nothing was said about what had just happened. Just a bunch of friends enjoying each other's company. When it was time to go home Hera kissed me and said: "Until now none of us understood what unconditional love is. We know now. Thank you." With that she disappeared.

I called in at the Horny Tom on my way home. Suki cornered me as soon as she saw me.

"Suki wait for Johnny," she said. "We go Suki house now."

We did.

***

I was sitting on my veranda about a week later when Zeus, Hades and Poseidon turned up. I served them beer and some snacks Marge had prepared for me the day before.

"What honours me with your visit?" I asked.

"We want to clean up Olympus," said Poseidon.

"Wonderful," I said, "give me a moment please."

I switched on my communicator and asked Endora to relay to Gadeirus, Vulcan, Darrin and Algenon that they were wanted here. As an afterthought I asked her to call Meditrina as well. By the time everyone arrived I was already on the way with drinks.

"Our guests want to clean up Olympus, like we did here. Your help is asked for."

"What do you have in mind, Uncle Zeus?" asked Gadeirus.

"We thought you could build a tunnel for us and put it on Olympus. It will take a long time to convince the Gods to walk the tunnel, but what's a century or so for Gods?"

"You are going to tell them? What for?" Gadeirus was horrified. "It's going to cause no end of strife."

"I know," said Zeus. "Do you have a better way?"

"We'll trick them into walking the tunnels. We can have the whole place cleaned up in a day."

"Don't they need to make the walk of their own free will?"

"No one asked the Tasmanian Devils. It worked just the same."

"True," admitted Zeus.

"Look, Uncle," said Gadeirus, "first of all we need to build the devices. That'll take some time. I need information. I'll make a list of what I want to know and Meditrina can snoop around for answers on Olympus. She's good at that. Say we meet in about a week from now. By that time we'll have some sort of a plan. Just make sure no one finds out what you have in mind."

"Not a bad start. What you say makes sense," said Zeus. Turning to me, he continued: "Seeing we are here; my brothers haven't seen Catsville yet. How about I show them around. Afterwards, if it's okay, we'll stay for supper and perhaps for the party later."

"You are welcome, Gentlemen. Go for it."

***

I had been racking my brain trying to find a way to treat the Gods all at once, as Gadeirus had suggested. Nothing came to mind. I didn't even know the magnitude of the problem. To get a better idea of what we were up against I asked Hermes and Meditrina to my place for breakfast. Marge had been staying the night and offered to do the cooking. On the spur of the moment I asked Bruce to attend too.

After our meal I told my guests what I was trying to work out.

"My biggest problem is that I don't know enough about Olympus and how it works. I don't even know how many Gods there are. Can someone tell me what the population of Olympus is?"

"About fifty thousand," said Hermes. "I can get you a precise figure if you like."

"That many?" I was astounded. "I was under the impression there would be somewhere between one and two thousand, by what I've read about the pantheon."

"That would have been true in antiquity," said Meditrina. "The world was a much simpler place then. As civilisation advanced on Earth new Gods were needed to administer the different aspects of the newly created technology. Today there are Gods of motor cars, traffic lights, microwave ovens ... need I go on?"

"And all are ultimately the responsibility of Zeus?"

"Who else? He's the boss."

"It must be a nightmare to administer. How does he manage?"

"Like any other boss of a large organisation. He delegates. See him as the chairman of the board, the board being his siblings. They delegate as well, right down to the tooth-fairy, if you wish."

"I understand that. Sometimes, it seems to me, he must personally address everyone on some important matter. You don't have radio or television, how does he do that?"

"Let me explain," said Hermes. "In the beginning it was simple. He'd just summon everyone into his throne room and make his announcements. As time went by the throne room became too small for such events and he had an amphitheatre built. It was a Greek style, open air affair, little more than a hole in the ground. Gods teleported in and listened to what he had to say.

"Before I carry on, let me say this. Olympus is not a peaceful place where the Gods reign in harmony. There are factions who would love to see the demise of Zeus and his siblings and take over. Zeus realised he was becoming vulnerable and in the event of a couple of thousand of his subjects arming themselves during a public gathering he and his siblings, in spite of their power, would be in deep shit. He sent me on a mission to look for a solution.

"I found it when Vespasian started to build the Colosseum. After it was completed under Titus in 80 AD we watched it for a while in operation and decided that, with a few modifications, it would suit his purposes. The underground facilities weren't needed, neither were the eighty entrances. We whittled it down to ten.

"At the time there were about ten thousand Gods on Olympus and since the Colosseum could accommodate five times that number it left room for expansion. Zeus threw a circle around the structure that insured God powers would not work inside, except for the spot where he and his siblings sat. That meant that during those meetings there were only six effective Gods on Olympus. It also meant the Gods could not teleport into the structure or hex themselves weapons.

"The entrances were warded so no one could take weapons inside. Zeus and his party were safe. Soon it will not be big enough. You can see why Zeus wants to sanitise Olympus. It will solve the problem once and for all and we will have a much better society."

"How often do you have these get-togethers?" I was curious.

"Twice a year. They are more a social event than anything else these days. The next one is in three months. Of course, Zeus can schedule a special meeting any time he so chooses."

"Let's go there now, I need to see this for myself."

I had seen the Colosseum in Rome, but nothing had prepared me to see it in pristine condition. What a magnificent structure. It was miles away from where the Gods lived in a valley surrounded by forests. It was also deserted."

"Why is no one here?" I asked.

"No reason," said Hermes. "It needs no maintenance."

We spent the next four hours having a good look, especially at the entrances.

"This is exactly what we need," I declared after we got back to my place. "We simply put our tunnels into the entrances and block any gaps so everyone has to walk the tunnels to get inside. Will they all come?"

"No one dares to stay away from these gatherings. Zeus would have their hide if anyone refused."

I called the tech boys and told them what I had in mind. They all agreed it would work.

"Do you need any help?"

"No, said Gadeirus, we have plenty of time to get everything done. It would be nice though if Marge could give us a hand. She is very good at camouflage. They'll never notice something has changed if she puts the final touches on it."

"Try to keep me away," said Marge. "I've already got lots of ideas."

I went to see Zeus to tell him what we were doing. He was overjoyed at the simple solution.

I spent the night on Olympus.

In Hera's bed.

***

The next few weeks went quickly. The boys had done their job. Everything was ready. Zeus and his brothers came to visit every week, ostensibly for a progress report, though they seemed more interested in the banquets and the parties in the nookie room afterwards. Catsville was growing. The population was now two thousand. The Horny Tom had been extended twice, but even that was not enough. A second pub was built, predictably called Pussy Parlour. Needless to say the brewery was working flat out. Then, the big day arrived.

I did not attend. My presence there would have raised too may eyebrows. I didn't miss much. After all the excitement of the preparation the event itself was an anticlimax.

The Gods went through the tunnels as expected and didn't realise what had happened to them until they were inside. There was much joy. They celebrated long into the night and finished off with a monstrous orgy. Olympus was free of violence and greed.

Things would now get better on Earth since there were no more Gods stirring up trouble. Cleaning up Earth would take a long time. There was no quick solution as there had been on Olympus. The Gods would steer the planet towards more compassionate governments and religions to prepare the ground for intervention. It would take a long time, centuries perhaps.

I was sitting on my veranda, enjoying a beer when Hera turned up. She kissed me chastely and waved her hand.

In a moment I found myself in Zeus' throne room, dressed in Hermes' finery. Zeus sat on his throne, flanked by Clotho, Lachesis and Atropos on his right and Kia on his left. In front of him, on a lower dais sat his siblings, Hermes and all the Gods who were living in the space station. I stood before them, not knowing what was going on. Strangely enough I was unafraid and calm, the result of my tunnel walk perhaps.

"We have decided the time is right, my boy," said Zeus. "You should be one of us and take your rightful place on Olympus. Today you will become a God, if you wish."

That took my breath away for a moment. A torrent of thoughts went through my head.

"You need to accept," prompted Zeus.

"I am touched. This is a great honour," I said after a pause. "There is nothing I would like more than to spend eternity amongst those I love, but I need to decline. My destiny lies elsewhere. The powers guiding me are not of Olympus. I have been given a great legacy and a people to look after. My place is with them. I do not know where that will take me, but go with it I must. I will always love you and I hope I will still be welcome here after today. Forgive me."

"Lachesis told me you would do this," said Zeus. "There is nothing to forgive. You'll always be welcome amongst us. I wish you well."

"Thank you all," I said. "I need to go now, I need to be alone."

I bowed to Zeus and the others and ported home.

I was just about to go inside when Bruce turned up, a can in hand, the others in tow.

"What you need, Mate, is a drink, not solitude. We told Zeus we wanted to go wherever you are headed. He understood. None of us wants to go back to Olympus, even if it's a nice place now."

"Thanks, Guys," I said. "I hope you know what you're doing."

"Of course we don't, you idiot. That's the beauty of it."

There was laughter. The awkwardness of the moment had passed. We got into the drinks.

Epilogue

I was on my own, sitting on that marble bench inside my olive grove when Kia turned up. She hopped on the bench and gave me a lick across the face. Her greeting.

I gave her some scratchies and was just about to go to my cabin to get some cherries for her when she stopped me.

"It's not necessary," she said. "There are things I have to tell you. You have just passed your greatest test."

"What test?"

"Had you accepted your godhood none of you would have been able to come back here. The race of beings you call the Ancients threw that temptation your way. They had to be sure you are worthy of their legacy."

"Are you one of them, Kia?"

"No. They are so far ahead of me, I can't even imagine what they have become."

"What is your role in this then?"

"Let me tell it my way.

"I sent Lil to you and Bruce and then Marge. At the time I thought it was my idea, because I could see it was required. The Gods on Olympus needed new ideas, something to shake them out of their apathy. Zeus needed shaking up in a big way. I should know, I had been with him for a thousand years and had watched his decline.

"You seemed to be just right for the job. Zeus' vulnerable spot has always been his dick. You homed right in on this. When I heard Zeus laughing for the first time in centuries within a minute of meeting you, I knew I had done the right thing.

"Then you did something totally unexpected. You found a back door into Olympus and an entry into other universes. When I saw the magnitude of what you got your hands on I suspected for the first time I may have been guided myself. As time went by this suspicion became a certainty.

"Let me tell you that I never planted ideas into your head, I just made some of the Gods a bit more accommodating, if you wish. I can see now why you had to act on your own.

"A short time ago the Ancients contacted me directly. They see in you a worthy successor. There are three things they are especially impressed with. The first was the way you handled Hades. Not only did you not shake in your boots when he threatened to destroy you, you stood up to him and actually challenged him.

"Even Hades could see that this was an act of true courage and not bravado. That's why he gave in, not because you showed him Lachesis' token. That is also why he walked the tunnel with you.

"The second act was the way you handled the plight the Blueys found themselves in. You went out of your way to help them and you are still there for them, trying to make their life more pleasant.

"The third, and most important part, was when you declined to become a God. They know now that it is not power you are after. They know you genuinely care and want to help.

"They asked me to tell you that the road ahead for you is a difficult one. The machines that control Olympus and Earth will find out what you have done. They will feel threatened and mobilise against you. It's part of their programming. You will have two decades of peace, by then you must be ready for them.

"They gave me the algorithm that will unlock most of Endora. I have already fed it to Frank. The only part that will stay inaccessible for now is their military technology. They wish you well. That is all they told me."

"And you, Kia? Will you still be around after today."

"I'll be around. I love you." Kia gave me a lick across the face and dematerialised.

"Alec, Frank wants to see you in his office," the voice of Endora came over the speakers.

"Tell him I'll be with him shortly."

I went into my cabin and took a beer from the fridge. I drank my beer, threw the can into the garbage and ported to Frank to meet destiny.