A Life Not Spent With You Ch. 04

Ghosting his lips along the other arm, Ivan let his eyes open briefly to see how his beloved puppy was doing. There were so many conflicting emotions in his lover's eyes as they stared blankly at a spot a few inches away from his face. But they were aware, those lovely cinnamon brown eyes were nearly squeezed shut at times in an effort to keep back tears that just wouldn't stay. They fell down those lovely cheeks and trailed lower, where Ivan now started to kiss again. "I don't mind, baby. I still love every part of you..." His whisper wasn't unheard, he saw Dami give the barest of nods, his sobs starting again. It was awkward to continue from their current position, so after guiding the other's arms around his neck, Ivan made himself stand up from their couch, hooking his arms under the younger's legs, aiding them in wrapping around his waist. Hushing Damien's quickened breath, his scared hiccup, Ivan nuzzled his face into his neck and whispered sweet words as he brought them to their shared bed.

As he crawled onto the bed as best as he could while support Dami, Ivan felt his love surge, intensifying and hopefully noticed by the young one. As gentle as he could, he lowered his sweetheart down onto the bed, the blankets and sheets cushioning the tired, exhausted body. The simple act of resting his lover down was so empowering - Damien let him, looked into his eyes when he did this, and now was looking away again. Keeping his movements slow, Ivan brushed the bangs from his eyes before setting a knee on either side of Damien's thighs, brought his face down until his lips kissed down the fine line of the chest. Hands came up and massaged his lover's sides as he grazed his mouth along the baby-soft skin, gently nipping and sucking at a nipple. Barely staying here for more than a few seconds, Ivan swept to the other one, giving it the same amount of attention before resuming his kissing; this was meant to bring comfort not to prepare for sex.

"No, no, this is the worst, the worst! Ivan, please, baby..." Unable to utter more than a hoarse whisper of a plea, Damien shook his head, laying it back against the pillows and turned to the side. His face burned a shameful crimson, his lips biting down to keep back his moan of disgust. Ivan finished undoing the bow to his pajama pants and now as slowly as possible, started to drag the thin fabric from him. While he kept crying, Damien didn't know which was worse - Ivan doing this so carefully and lovingly or if Ivan was doing everything as fast as possible. Every time Ivan's lips or anything of him touched his skin, it seemed to burn into his soul, mapping out just how far someone would go.

And now his body was completely bare for his cherished lover to see.

Ivan now had been shuffled down about his ankles while his face was level with his stomach; now he coaxed his legs apart and settled between them. Damien's back arched as if his whole body could leave the bed as Ivan's soft lips brushed lightly on his abdomen, drawing a gasp of worry, fear, and pleasure. His jutting hips fell prey to the older's touch, and followed the line of his legs to his groin where, from a nest of copper curls, his length protruded from. To react so fast, it was so whorish and disgusting. Turning his face to the side against as fast as he could with a shaking sob, Damien began to weep, it couldn't be called crying anymore.

As much as he wanted to dry his lover's tears and rock him to sleep, Ivan lifted himself up onto his knees and waited until Damien looked at him. Those watery orbs met his with such sorrow it was heartbreaking. Certain he'd be lost and break down into sobs as well, the older let his gaze soften even more and reached down to the waistband of his own lounge pants. And slowly, giving his sweetheart so much time to protest, stripped himself bare and then lowered himself back down onto the bed. Now they were both naked, in nothing but their skins and hadn't started sex as so many couples do.

He cried out involuntarily, reverting back to sobs as he fisted his shaking hands into the blankets beneath him. His heart hammered almost painfully in his chest, warmed from Ivan's kissing; it was too much. Damien uttered another cry, apologizing under his breath.

"It's alright, dearest..." Murmuring in reply, Ivan lowered his lips again and sealed them around the tip of his lover's length, suckling lightly. Letting his hands caress the smooth thighs, Ivan pulled his mouth away and nipped gently down one side of the shaft, then did so on the other side. After kissing everywhere, the older started down one thigh, down the leg and playfully nipped at the toes - the giggle he hoped to hear never came, Damien was far too unrelaxed. It was not good for what he was about to do.

When he kissed down the other leg, Ivan's sweet words turned to encouragement, "It's alright baby, I love you, honey. Shhh, lay back down."

Successful in guiding Damien to lie on his stomach, although it took a good long time to get him to do so, Ivan started from the toes and went up. Just as he got to the knee, his lover began to protest.

"Ivan, skip this part, a-anywhere but not there! I-Ivy, please! I-I'm so ashamed, I'm so sorry!"

Damien's sobbing couldn't be calmed no matter what he whispered between kisses. Shedding his own tears, Ivan gently massaged the soft cheeks and barely touched his lips to the silky skin. Dragging them across so he touched every inch, the older held his breath before whispering for Damien to rise up onto his knees but keep the rest of him lying on the bed. Although his puppy refused to, telling him he'd never, that it was so dirty and wrong to touch him there now, Damien did as he requested through his weeping. Their trust had been steadily growing - Ivan could've, if ever he wanted to, bitten or scratched - and now it grew to immeasurable heights.

The way his lover shook violently was so hard to see and feel, Ivan couldn't find a way to relax his lover. But this needed to be done, Damien had to know it didn't bother him, that he didn't think he was dirty. His hands kneading the cheeks, Ivan then, with the utmost care and gentleness, pried them apart. Damien gave a near shriek of so much pain and torment into the pillows, muffling the horrible bout of sobbing. Holding back his own, Ivan took in a deep breath for control and lowered his face. The small, pink rosebud had healed, the many tears and rips from a couple nights ago gone; it was here where Damien cried the most when his lips touched.

He didn't breath for many long seconds as he fed his need to cry everything out of his system. The shame, the guilt, the terror, the lingering layer of filth he felt upon his skin. Ivan had gone so out of his way to erase that disgusting second skin upon his body, and now to do it there... Giving another near scream, Damien buried his face deeper into the pillows, letting it keep his sounds quiet as it soaked up his tears. His hands couldn't block his noises, they were strangling the blankets and sheets in a death grip that only grew tighter as Ivan pressed another kiss upon that place.

"Ivan, I-I'm sorry! I wanted my n-next time after Jared to be with you! And I've ruined it, I-I messed up! I-"

Damien broke off in a wail, his whole body almost slumping down onto the bed. Drawing in a shuddering breath, Ivan let his tongue dart out again, teasing the surrounding area before pressing forward again, easing past the muscular ring. Again and again he did this, and more and more did Damien cry out and weep. Between this and pulling away for breath, Ivan whispered his love, shushed his sobbing. Hips started to rock back into his slow thrusting tongue - Ivan drew his mouth away and carefully had Damien's body unwind so he could insert a finger, made easier by a few sweeps of pre-cum.

"It's alright to feel good, relax, baby, just feel, Dami."

Now with two fingers, he caressed that one spot within his lover and reached under with his other hand, taking the bobbing length and stroking it in time to the puppy's frantic bucking. The moans and gasps were intoxicating, making his own groin throb but Ivan wouldn't touch himself, Damien's pleasure far too important over his own. After a minute of this heart-warming pleasuring, his lover gave a scared mewl, almost getting out of his kneeling position.

"P-please, I have a boyfriend, I-I can't! A-anything, just don't make me!" Damien thought he was Marcel.

"It's alright, shh, Damien, it's Ivan, Ivan touching you, making you feel good. It's alright, baby!"

"I-it's gonna hurt! Its gonna hurt!" Damien repeated it over and over again, his sobbing starting again.

Seconds after his lover tipped over the edge with a muffled shriek, release gathering into his palm as it drew gentle circles on the tip. The pleasure made his Dami tremble, lower himself onto the bed; Ivan withdrew his fingers and laid by Dami's side, resting his ear against the other's back. To hear him fight for breath, to feel him shudder...

After some time, Ivan combed his fingers through the young one's sweaty locks and found him to be nearly asleep. As lightly as possible, the older finished his kissing up Dami's back, the arms and neck, Ivan guided his sleeping lover onto his side, and spooned against him. Holding him close, keeping him safe.