All Comments on 'A Love Story'

Wow! That was fantastic!! I haven't read a story with great dialogue and internal monologues in a long time and I absolutely loved it! Write more!!!

to unrealistic she doesn't live at home so why is she there at all if she was so uncomfortable she would have found a reason to stay away and if she did go to dinner why would she be sleeping there instead of her own place keep it atleast sounding realistic

OMG,I effing loved that story... Keep it up!

What the fuck was who's she talking to fucking by herself

This is truly a sorry excuse for a story!

(1) the plot is completely unrealistic, even for erotic romance. How can Garth transform from engaged lover to incestuous lover in a couple of hours? Did he fuck the snot out of his fiancee just before he came to (and in) his sister? There's no evidence of anything in Garth that leads up to this passion for his step-sister. Both of them (and the fiancee) are as shallow as a sidewalk puddle. There's nothing wrong with lust in a story, but Garth & Guin keep talking about love and permanence.

(2) The dialogue is so bad it's funny. Sounds like an old melodrama, except smutty. "Oh, John, kiss me, you fool!" "Yes, my Darling Mary!"

(3) There are so many wrong words (homonyms, mostly) I started giggling: hart for heart, etc. I'm not a grammar-nazi, but this stuff is too bad to ignore.

(4) As somebody already remarked, if Guinivere doesn't live at home any more, how come she has a room and a wardrobe to choose from?

(5) Guinivere's jealous behavior is more typical of a middle-school girl than of a young woman living on her own.

I'm sorry but I just don't think calling someone you love a bit cheaper is endearing. I understand when two people are in the throws of passion but, seriously? Calling her a slut? And a bitch? No, don't think so.

...huh?

calling your loved one, on your first time a slut (when she hasn't even had sex with anyone else probably), or a bitch or a prostitute? .... Stupid...