All Comments on 'A Magical Night'

Not bad will there be more on this story?

Yes, I'm planning a chapter 2, the couple try to make the dream come true.

The description of the sex is pretty good and erotic, but a few comments:

1. Why did you choose to write the story from the husband's point of view? Near the beginning you describe Sheryl's nervousness -- her state of mind seems to be more important than the husband's. So you might have increased the erotic tension and pleasure by telling the story from Sheryl's point of view. If you are going to tell it from the husband's point of view, then it would be helpful to have more description of his inner feelings about the encounter, and to create a source of dramatic tension of some kind within him. I agree with your choice of first person, but am not sure you chose the right person.

2. A pet peeve of mine, which doesn't seem to bother a lot of people, is tense-shifting. You shift back and forth between present and past tense in this story. It detracts from the story-telling, for me. You can pick either one, but pick one and stick with it.

But it was a competent story.

Thank you.

HP

Thanks SimonDoom and HP.

Stopping by to let you know I read your story as promised. It's a pretty good attempt at 1st person, a bit different from my style. I guess I'm pretty huge on lots of dialogue in a first person written story. Still, it was an enjoyable story to read. I loved the dual play on the cock sucking😎 Two tongues are better than one in most instances🌹Keep up the great work. Practice only makes perfect👠👠👠Kant

Thank you for the kind words Kantarii, I'll definitely write more in first person. :)