All Comments on 'A Match for the el Maiens Ch. 11'

(I'm just repeating this comment from the last chapter, want to be sure my kind Anonymous critic reads this; I am so grateful to them.)

Thank you to Anonymous for some excellent feedback.

"You explore so little of the world" – It’s true, I have focussed on the characters and not written much about the religion or even the landscapes. I will work on this.

"Characters with the same name are confusing" – OK, I will have a look at this too, although I don’t think you felt it was a major issue? Just that sometimes I could have done it better.

"What’s the point of the subplot of Clair's dead friend and the son" – there is a point. However this is also the first of a trilogy of novels. In the next novel, Hanya Vashin (the son) is a major character, so he has to be around occasionally even though he seems to be purely decorative at the moment.

"I really started to like Anna then she dropped out of the story" – she’ll be back! I’m focussing on Vadya and Tashka right now; Clair and Anna will get their turn soon too.

"I never, for a moment, suspected Tashka to be a woman" – Yayyy! LOL. I have worked very hard to make Tashka masculine, even after we find out she’s a woman. I didn’t want to have a woman dressed in men’s clothes, I wanted a female character who isn’t ‘as good as a man’, she is just like a man and so she wears trousers.

"PS I think your punctuation can be cleaned up a lot too" – LOL, I don’t suppose you edit do you …? *says wistfully*. I should get someone to look at it for me, it’s so hard to punctuate your own writing.

I heartily enjoy this story. This chapter was a real delight. I was hoping that Tashka would have a friend to really confide in. I wish/hope that Anna and Clair will get to their true feelings about one another. I too think it would be helpful to clarify who is related to whom, as some of the names are very similar to each other. I'd like to know a bit more about the unspoken politics shaping the actions and responses of the main characters. Please keep posting.

What is a "quick voice"?

"No one will see us, you can ride in a proper saddle." You seem to have a bit of a problem with basic punctuation. You want a period in the above example.

You have way too many inappropriate ellipses as well.

"She would not say No to the dancing engagement" "No" should not be capitalized.

"..laughing huskily and saying, "hey, my sugar, we have the whole night." "Hey" SHOULD be capitalized. Really, these are such elementary errors that they just put me off reading your story.

Such a tender chapter. Thank you for sharing this tale.