A Most Inconsiderate Man

The idea for this story popped into my head as I was out gathering Monarch butterfly eggs off the milkweed in my backyard. I sat down and typed it all out in a couple of hours.

This isn't the story I intended to upload as my second offering but it sprang to life so quickly that I decided to just set it free. I'd like to think that this story would fit in the "Humor/Satire" category but here it is in LW. Please, have fun with it!

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"I'm really confused, Janey. Why do you have so little respect for your husband?"

"How can I respect him when he can't see what's happening right under his nose?"

"So you disrespect him because he can't see that you're having an affair with John?"

"Exactly."

"Hmm, I see. So how did you come to have so little respect for him that you started your affair with John?"

"Because he didn't see it when I was with any of my lovers before John, either. Honestly, Megs, you can be so dense sometimes."

"Well, why did you have so little respect for him that you started an affair in the first place?"

"Because he wasn't making me happy, of course!"

"What were you so unhappy about and did you talk to him about it?"

"I told him I wasn't happy being cooped up in the house all day after the kids all started going to school. I told him I needed to get out for some adult interaction. We decided I'd get a job and that's when I went to work for Gallagher and sons."

"Getting that job, getting out of the house during the day; that made you happy, then?"

"No, it didn't. I told Roger I felt like I was being taken for granted; that now that I was out of the house during the day working I needed help with all the household chores. You know, cleaning, cooking, laundry, dishes, looking after the kids and all that stuff."

"Wasn't he already helping with everything, even though he was working a full time job and doing all that remodeling work inside the house that you wanted done, not to mention tending that garden you just had to have?"

"Sure he was, but that was stuff he did all the time anyway, before I went back to work. With me working he just needed to pick up the slack."

"Hmm, I see. Actually I have no idea what you're talking about, Janey. Seems to me that any slack that existed was caused by you not doing your share of the housework. Did you tell him about anything else that made you unhappy?"

"Sure. I told him I'd like to go out to dinner, see a show or go dancing with him. But he always wants to go out on Friday or Saturday nights because he has to get up so early during the week to go to work. And I can't go out with him those nights because I'm with John then."

"So you're unhappy that Roger isn't taking you out dancing or whatever but you turn him down when he asks you to do those things? Is that what you're telling me?"

"Yeah, but it's not just that. I asked him to remodel the master bathroom and expand my clothes closet into the linen closet in the hall. He said he'd get to them after he finished the basement, which I'd asked him to do a long time ago; at least a couple of months. He's so lazy sometimes it seems like I have to throw a fit before he gets moving! I mean, he didn't start on the bathroom until 2 days after he finished the basement. Then it took him five days to get the work done. And then he waited 3 whole days before he started on the closet. What's worse, he actually wouldn't let me use the bathroom while he was remodeling it. I couldn't even sleep in the master bedroom because of the noise he was making while he was working in the bath. He's so inconsiderate! He could have tried to make less noise so I could sleep but he just kept on banging on those pipes, pulling tiles off and who knows what else. Can you imagine that? I mean, what's the use of having a big bathroom and bedroom like that if you can't use them! I tell you, the things I have to put up with; it's enough to drive one to drink. It's a good thing I had my lovers to go to at night so I didn't have to deal with most of the commotion."

"I don't know, Janey. It sounds to me like he's doing everything you wanted him to do but you're just not willing to see it. Isn't he essentially doing everything for the kids, too? He takes them to doctor appointments, to their school activities and even handles the parent teacher meetings. Sounds like he was doing so much at home that there's nothing left for you to be unhappy about. Didn't he constantly tell you he loved you, tried to make love to you, told you how attractive you still were to him? I know he sent you flowers at work at least a couple of times a month. He seemed really devoted to you."

"Of course he does all that, but he has to; he's my husband. We couldn't very well stay married if he didn't feel that way about me, could we?"

"No, I suppose not. But doesn't that work the other way around, too? How can you stay married if you don't feel the same way about him?"

"Oh, Megs. You just don't understand. I still love him but he's so busy all the time doing who knows what that I have to get out to spend time with my other men. It's not the least bit complicated."

"I see. Well, actually, I don't see at all. You had him doing virtually everything at home; housework, cooking, cleaning, dealing with the kids while still making all those home improvements you wanted done yesterday. And then you complain that he's too busy to spend time with you. I just don't get you, Janey.

"Well, enough of that. What do you think of that new sun-room he built for you? It's pretty big, isn't it?"

"Yeah, he really went overboard on that thing. I mean, he actually ran plumbing in there and put in a huge steel sink! I don't know what he was thinking, but it's about 4 times the size I told him I wanted. And all the electrical outlets! You'd think he was planning to put in a couple hundred lights or something. And the floor; that's really strange. He made it out of Corian, that stuff you usually use for counter-tops. He said it'll be easy to keep clean, though I don't see why that's such a big deal. He said it'll also stand up to putting in shelves or whatever else might go in there. It's also a lot cheaper than quartz and easier to install than cement. He even added black-out shades over all the windows, which makes no sense to me. I mean, why would you want to darken a sun-room? The room even has its own separate heating and air conditioning with solar power, whatever that is. I don't get it but he seems pleased with it so what do I care?"

"I see what you mean, but being bigger with all the other features will make it a lot more useful for certain things. Now that he's, I mean, once he finds out about you slutting around maybe he'll want to set it up as a sex dungeon and start holding orgies out there. I bet you'd like that!"

"Now, now, Megs. Don't go putting ideas in my head. I'm having a hard enough time making sure Roger doesn't find out about John. Or Phil, or Randy or Jaquan, for that matter, although they're ancient history now."

"Speaking of Jaquan, how does John stand up to him. Or Roger, for that matter."

"Jaquan was great, as you very well know since I told you all about him at the time. I've never had so many or as hard orgasms as he gave me, but he was way too rough. I mean, rough is really good once in a while but it's not lovemaking and gets to be just too raw. I don't get off nearly as much with John but at least I can still walk when he's done with me. Of course, Roger is still the best because it's not just the sex with him. We cuddle and can talk about all the daily things that come up and all of that. There's real intimacy with Roger that I can't get with anyone else. Or at least it used to be that way."

"What do you mean, "it used to be that way"?"

"Well, lately he hasn't been very interested in making love to me, or even cuddling. I don't even know how long it's been since we did it but it's been a while. Of course, I always turned him down when he got frisky after I'd been with John or whoever but he hasn't even tried for quite a while. I wonder why that is?"

"Maybe he found out and he's no longer interested in getting sloppy seconds or sleeping with a skanky whore. Maybe he figured if he was going to be with a whore that he might as well get one that shows him a really good time."

"I'm not a whore! Why did you say that about me?"

"Well, you ARE slutting around. Look at all the guys you've been sleeping with. Wait, you're not a whore, though, because they don't pay you, do they? Guess that really does just make you a slut."

"Why do you keep insulting me? You're supposed to be my friend. Here I am pouring my heart out to you, and you keep calling me bad names?"

"Have I called you anything that you're not? No, I haven't. You've earned each of those monikers."

"Well, maybe so, but I don't like it just the same. And why would Roger want to go looking for whores when he's got me right here?"

"Except he doesn't have you right there, does he? You said yourself that you always turned him down when you've been with one of your boyfriends and you've been with one of them at least 3 or 4 times a week for, what, 8 months or so?"

"It's been almost a year and a half but who's counting?" She chuckled out loud at her little joke.

"So, apart from the fact that you almost always told him no when he wanted you, did you treat him good when you did get together? Or how about, when you were already screwed sore, why didn't you just give him a blow job to at least keep him interested?"

"Oh, yuck. I would never give him a blow job. That's so gross!"

"Didn't you tell me that you loved giving your boyfriends BJs? I though you loved to swallow their cum."

"Well of course I love it with them! It's so nasty. I usually even have an orgasm while I'm sucking on them. Especially Jaquan. But I can't do that with my husband. No way."

"OK. Before you drove him away, how did you treat him in bed otherwise? Did you ever initiate sex with him? Did you dress sexy or try different positions? Ever talk about your fantasies or even just talk dirty to him? Sounds to me like you kept all the excitement out of your marital bed and used it all on your boyfriends."

"Look, he's my husband. I couldn't act like a slut for him. That's just, ... it's just, ... I don't know but I couldn't let him see me as anything but his prim and proper wife. I just couldn't."

"But he always made sure you had plenty of orgasms, right? I mean he always did things to you that you wanted. Lots of kitty eating, a little anal play and I know you love it when he bites your nipples."

"Of course he always takes care that I'm well and truly sexed when we do it. Then he always cuddles and tells me how much he loves me and just being with me. But he HAS do all that; it's all part of his job as a husband. I just have to let him do his thing, get him off every once in a while when it suits me and keep him in line. That's my job."

"Well, if that's the way you see it, then I guess it makes sense to you. If it works for you it works for me.

"Oh, sorry, Janey. I've got a client calling on my cell. I'll talk to you later. Bye."

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Tuesday morning, two weeks later:

"Hi, Megs. I just have to tell about last night! I'm so stoked! Roger came home and just took me. He screwed my brains out and I was more sore after than I ever was with Jaquan. I wasn't even able to go out to meet John after that! Roger said I could look forward to a lot more of that kind of treatment. I think maybe we've turned a corner in our marriage and I'm really looking forward to what's coming! I'm so excited!"

"That's great, Janey. I'm happy for you, I really am. It looks like you're finally going to get what's coming to you. By the way, you know I ran the appraisal on Roger's house and that new sun-room he added increased it's value by over 30%! The appraisal went up by almost $80,000. I tell you, that new marijuana law is going to be a really big financial boon to some people."

"That reminds me. Some guy came by the house and said Roger told him he could come in and look at the sun-room. He was talking some kind of gibberish about a grow room, whatever that is. Why would somebody need to look at that?"

"Oh, that was a client I sent over to check it out. He just wanted to be sure it was everything Roger claimed it was. He was very happy and signed the offer for the house as soon as he got back here to my office."

"Alright, I'm confused, Megs. Why would somebody need to look at our sun-room before offering to buy someone else's house?

"I don't know what you mean, Janey. He was putting the offer on Roger's house, not someone else's."

"What do you mean, "Roger's house"? Roger only owns one house, the one I'm in right now."

"Yes, Janey, that's the house. But it won't be Roger's much longer. I'm sure he'll accept the offer, especially since it's for cash with no inspection required and he wants to take possession absolutely as soon as possible. Wait a sec, hold on. I need to take this call on my office phone.

"Hello, Roger. Yes, his business manager looked at the sun-room and was very impressed. He came here right away and signed an offer. I think you'll be more than pleased with the amount. Can I fax it over to you? OK, will do. Same fax number as before, right? Yes, good. OK. I'll fax it right now. Oh, that. Sure, I'll tell her. She's actually on my personal cell right now. Yes, I left it on so she can hear me talking to you. Talk to you later. I love you!

"You still there, Janey?"

"Yes. Were you talking to my Roger? What did you mean when you said "I love you" to him?"

"Well, that was Roger, but he's certainly not yours any longer. Hasn't been for a long time, really, but you should have known that. I mean you complain all the time about him not being observant enough to know what you've been up to for the last year and a half so I know you must have been paying pretty close attention to him."

"I don't know what you're talking about, Megs. You're always talking riddles to me and I'm getting tired of it."

"Well, don't worry about it. I won't be talking to you much after today. Hold on, I've got to take this call.

"Hi Honey, that was fast. Yeah, I knew you'd like that offer! Truly amazing, isn't it? OK, I'll call him and tell him the good news. What about closing? Um, yeah, we could do it that soon but wouldn't it be easier on everybody to wait a couple more days? OK, whatever you want. I'll tell the client and Jane. Sure, no problem. Love you! Bye."

Beep beep bop boop bip bip bop. Brrrrinnng.

"Hi, this is Megan Chance with Downtown Realty. The owner accepted the bid and has agreed to close tomorrow, if that's still what you want. OK, good, come on in at 10 and you can get your keys. Do you need to see the owner or are you good with just getting them from me? OK, fine. You'll need to get the utilities switched over to your name later in the day because they're scheduled to be turned off the next day. OK, well, that's your call. I'll see you tomorrow morning. Don't forget the check! Bye."

Boop bip beep bop boop boop bip. Brrrrinnng.

"Hello, this is Megan Chance with Downtown Realty. We're on for this evening at the Johnson place. I've already clued the Sheriff in on the situation but you need to call them when you're headed over there. Mrs Johnson may give you a hard time so they're going to send over a couple of deputies to try to keep things calm. You've got the storage location all set up, right? OK, good. Just be sure to give that info and the key to Mrs Johnson before you leave. And make her sign for it.

"Great news, Janey! Roger accepted the bid and agreed to close tomorrow. That doesn't give you much time so you need to get packing as soon as you get off the phone. The movers are going to be there in about 2 hours so you need to get a move on, girlfriend. They'll put all your stuff in a upack-box then store it for you. Storage is paid up for 6 months so you'll have some time to settle in with John or whomever."

"What are you talking about, Megs? What movers?"

"The movers who are coming to clear out the house, silly. You need to get together whatever you're going to need for a few days or a week or whatever for when you get wherever you're going. I don't want to know where that is but surely you've thought about that. I mean, you're so clued in, you must have known that Roger was gone and was selling the house. Or have you been so wrapped up in your lovers that you haven't noticed that he moved himself and the kids out over a week ago. You've had all that time to get ready so get your butt in gear. Now I've got to head on home. Roger's bringing the kids over for game night and I'm going to make their favorite. I know you know what that is, don't you, Janey? Gonna be a great time."

"They love Mac 'n' Cheese. But why are they coming over to your house instead of back home?"

"You're really too much, Janey. They ARE coming home tonight. Well, it isn't actually their home yet but I expect it will be pretty soon. Oh, I get it. You're just messing with me. Very funny. Ha. Ha. We both know their favorite is spaghetti with meatballs. Now we both really need to get moving. In your case, literally."

Jane hung up the phone just as the doorbell rang. She ran to the door hoping to see Roger and get an explanation of what was going on. Her head was spinning and she was sorely confused.

"Jaquan, what are you doing here. I told you we could never meet at my house."

"Hey sweet cheeks. I was hopin' y'all'd still be here. I just want to look around my new grow house a little bit before the movers get here and see if there's any o' your crap worth keepin'. If there is maybe we can make a deal for it. Then when your movers are loading up you and me can retire to my stretch Hummer out there and get it on, now that Roger's given me his blessing. I remember how much you like it up the ol' poop chute so I got me some heavy duty lube and a couple of towels to keep my seats clean. Oh, hey. I've got another idea. Why'nt you just stay here and you can take care of me and my clients when they come to check out my grass. For a white kitty you sure are a fine piece o' pie. I've got seven different lines of weed that I'll be sellin' to a bunch of new outlets and you can be part of every sale. How's that sound?

"I surely am glad they finally passed that law to make medical marijuana legal now. I'm gonna make a fortune right outta this house. Your husband shore is a dumb SOB though. Can you imagine; I got this house for a measly one and a half million! He coulda got three for it, easy. But he wanted to sell it quick for some reason. Who knows. Who cares. I'm gonna make that much in three months, easy peasy."

"My God, Jaquan. That's an awful lot of money for this old house. Yeah, Roger's fixed it up quite a bit but it's hardly a mansion. And I still don't understand this "grow house" everybody keeps talking about. Maybe Roger will explain it to me when I see him. He really has a way of making me understand stuff."

"You need to pull your head outta where the sun don't shine, darlin'. You ain't likely to ever see ol' Roger again. Now let's take a stroll through and see what's what, babe."

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