All Comments on 'A Mother's Plan'

This keeps on changing from Beck to Josh, back to Becky, to Josh and somehow ending with the mother -- all without any transition of anything to indicate the change. One paragraph one character is narrating, and the very next on it's another character.

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This isn't a "get an editor" moment. It's a "learn basic English" moment.

This is not about "pick a POV". It's about being able to keep several POV's in your head while reading.

If you want to have easy reading buy a book with chapters or look for a writer who uploads their story by chapter.

Regards

Natasha

It really a breaks the story not knowing who's POV you're in on almost every paragraph. When most start with 'I did' and you switch so quickly, it hurts the flow of the story. Not a bad story, here, just difficult to read when there are no transitions.

If you want to change POV, at least warn us. And yes, it matters.

Hardly suprising you're taking that stance since you can't spell anonymous -- while being anonymous.

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"If you want to have easy reading buy a book with chapters or look for a writer who uploads their story by chapter."

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No, I want some evidence the "writer" put some thought or effort into the story, that the writer cares about it own work. None of that was evident in this mess.

The point of view shifts were abrupt, it's something you need to work on. Overall, I did enjoy your story though.

A real mess here. Punctuation, spelling...adding Josh in a quote that was supposed to be Danny, or else it makes no sense, right after Josh just said, " I agree." he says, " I can't do this." it is obvious that Josh said one thing, Danny said the other. Also, know the difference between descendant and decadent. Becky said Johnny was "descendant " fuck..Wrong. He could be a descendant of Wm. Shakespeare...He may or may not be a decadent fuck. Understand the difference? There are errors in many stories on Literotica, this was the worst I've seen.

This story, at first glace, is such a conglomerated mishmash of mumble-jumble! It's akin to a multi-thousand piece puzzle with no fitting, nor interlocking pieces! The writer's format of jumping from one (1) of the four (4) character's narrating--though I WAS able to quickly follow the weird formatting--to another character narrating, almost instantly, and even within the SAME paragraphs, simply sucks.

If the writer/author has the female-comparable 'nads to jump character/narrators, that's her prerogative, that's as it should be. But, I will offer some words of advice. If she (Natasha Tsarina, writer/author) wishes to continue writing in her "style" at least she should isolate each character/narrator to totally SEPARATE paragraphs. In addition, to giving the readers (those that DO judge the quality of the writer) a bit of usual writing style, she could just notate the NEW character/narrator's name at the beginning of each paragraph! Simple enough, as an example:

BECKY: Yaddy, yaddy.....

DANNY: Yaddy, yaddy.....

JOSH: Yaddy, yaddy..... and

MARIE: Yaddy, yaddy.....

Maybe even a sentence or two in a PROLOGUE at the beginning of the story, might work also! Enough said.

The story has uneven detailing in some areas/situations...a lot; in other areas/situations... detailing is scarce. The spelling is erratic, i.e., using "picked" instead of the correct word of "picket" fence, and several others. Several conversations are begun without quotations marks ("He says...the end!"), and some ended without quotations marks ("word says, etc!"). Normally I AM NOT CRITICAL of a few or some errors; however, with the very unusual, varied and quantity of quirky character/narrator changes every few or several sentences, got my blood pressure up (and NOT in my dick/cock) a few numbers, so I figured what the hell.

Keep writing. You do have promise and I'm sure you do put much care and devotion into your "art of writing". The theme/plot of your story is not unusual, except Danny DID NOT, WAS NOT allowed to fuck neither his sister nor his mother--a very big NO, NO for blood-kin, incest genre fare! Fucking by STEP-Family members is NOT incest as to blood relationship, DNA nor any other factor--except for fucked up familial law stating as such!!

hard to keep up with the story with the constant change of POV

Story went really well, except that it kept changing (without notice) as to who was "first person". The end REALLY got confusing as the first person changed and it seems like the author forgot who was speaking. Using the same character for different statement lines.

delightful. one of the best stories i have read.

"A Mother's Plan:" - It's very unusual when re-reading a story--any story--several or more years after the first time, that the reader's impression is much worse than the first time they read it. This story is more of a mishmash, convoluted and jumble of conversations and interpersonal actions by and between the characters.

Many times before I read a story, regardless of for the first time or even subsequent times, I read the list of all reader's comments. Almost without fail, each reader's comments made reference to the first, second and third tenses that seemed to have been pulled randomly from a hat or jar. There's many sentences that has the tense changing several times!!

Writer/author 'NTsarina' has several stories that far exceed the quality of this story, and much easier to understand and comprehend. It's as if a totally different person wrote this particular story.