All Comments on 'A New Beginning'

You got me hooked. Great job. Also nice large force L shape ambush. Nobody in their right mind does a parallel ambush unless they are retarded amatuers. Which is what you did at the end. That works though because you mentioned they were rebels and not professional soldiers. Interesting how the combat chip, combined with Jessica's intelligence made an almost perfect soldier. It will be very interesting to see how you develop this story should you continue it. Compliments on getting advice from someone who knows their shit for the combat scenes. The higher tech higher lethality weapons are also very interesting.

Keep up the good work

Here is hoping for more.

Plus, really excellent story line. This has real promise, please don't let it down.

Hoping for more!

You were worried that you couldn't write a Sci-Fi story. Well you made a believer of me in writing one of the 5 best I have read on Literotica. I have read Sci-Fi stories for over 61 years and you are good. Please keep up the good work. Don't let Choi get to close to Jessica until the 5th or 6th chapter. I believe in you!

A wonderful start. Please continue to develop the story.

I have enjoyed science fiction since my teen _ some 50 years ago. But only one on this Web site habe I enjoyed more than this first chapter. Excellent character development.Please continue this story,

Thanks

Terry

Way impressed with your writing....bummed when I did not see a 2nd.....then thrilled when I saw that ANB was something new....oh no! Now I'll be chomping at the "lit" checking daily for the next chapter. No pressure, just keep up the good work (please pretty please pretty please don't leave the story unfinished!)

Cant wait for more. Really good story.

FYI NCMs dont salute Sargents, coporals or other NCM/NCOs only officers

Looking forward to more and thanks for sharing.

Excellent start, five stars! Can't wait for the following chapters, hope they ain't too long in coming. Semper Fi.

I've read some of your other work and they were more focused on emotional growth of the characters and their relationships. This is what makes someone want to follow the character no matter what the genre. I believe you have successfully brought your writing skill to this work of Science Fiction. I enjoyed reading what I hope is the first chapter of your new story.

Most impressive.

There's not very many authors I bookmark, so that I can regularly check their progress. You shall be one of them. Great work.

I thoroughly enjoyed the story and am looking forward to more.

So first, congrats on writing your highest-rated story thus far. That's even more impressive when you consider that this is a three-pager and chapter one.

I was immediately drawn to Jessica and Choi and look forward to reading more about them. And, I definitely agree with your decision to go with quality over quantity when it comes to Jessica's bedroom choices.

Assuming that Susanne has less intelligence than Jessica, it will be interesting to see how much our new marine rubs off on the new pleasure girl. It could just be that she takes the pressure off of Jessica to satisfy the guys.

I am not one to get hung up on grammar and spelling, and in a sci-fi world, words can be spelled differently. However, I thought I would double check one thing since it applies to one of your two POV characters. I can't find an accepted spelling of Choi's rank as 'sargent' [sic]. The correct spelling is 'sergeant'. Your spelling is a person's name.

Again, I look forward to your next chapter, and I am pleased to see you wrote 'The Games' and 'The Twins' quickly.

Five starred and faved.

I really wasn't expecting such a positive response.

I can't claim full authorship. wish I could...LOL.

James and Mike are the best at writing blood an gore, also very good with the Marine thing.

They did object to a lot of my veto's, but I kinda liked the way Jess and Choi play out so far, soooo... fuck it.

you have the start of the making a full military space opera out of this. Choice is yours

absolutely the greatest

Good story line. Good room for character development. Will def be bookmarking for future chapters. Keep it up.

I loved your story line.

Great job on this one, I hope to see a long series.

Well done on a good job. The work done by your 'military advisors' was commendable.

Some minor grammar and structual things that suggest you could do with an editor to tidy up what is a well written story.

Not sure how far ahead you've got to with story arcs but don't rush the Jessica-Choi thing. Tease it out. Make it worth waiting for. Try ten chapters as a goal.

Build your characters slowly. Peel 'em like an onion layer at a time. While this Lit it doesn't mean each chapter must cater for the monkey spankers. Sprinkle the sex. Don't smother the plot with it.

You don't have to have a battle each chapter. Put some building chapters between the action chapters but get those advisors to put 'routine' shit in there along with training in the 'build' ones.

Good luck. The other Dave.

Great story, hope you will continue this and make a series, very good read

Super start love where this could go. Excellent writing.

Excellent work, I wouldn't change a thing.

Excellent work so far, I also recommend some editing, grammar more than spelling.

But no jarring errors that caused a hiccup in the reading. Well done. Interesting premise, good character build up, and not too much "ugh, Ugh, UGH!" sex.

I have to remind the readers that this is not a "real" military force, it is a Corporate Security/Policy Enforcement force. Therefore there are easily accepted differences in the way things are done. Think Blackwater Industries versus the USMC. That explains saluting, spelling of rank and whatever. They may be no less professional and capable, just different in customs.

5 stars and following you for more chapters!

Great characters and interactions between them. Love the plot line.

This last week I’ve read nothing but meandering pointless stories. Then I stumble on this. What a surprise, a story with a great premise, a hot chick, the chick can shoot and it’s a bet devious as well. How could you not like this story.

5 stars... better be finished though.

Anonymous comments should be banned.

Incomplete stories should be deleted

I love what this story is about so far. And it has space marines, so it's double-awesome.

This is an awesome story and the first story I've given five stars to ever. Really really good.

...but you need an editor/proofreader. A couple of things I noticed:

1. The rank is spelled "sergeant", not "Sargent" (or is that a US/UK thing?)

2. grenades get "lobbed", not "lobed".

I'm a guy, but noticed no "non-guy" thinking or behavior from the male characters.

-Rei

You're reading a fictitious adult jackoff story and YOU are hung up on a couple of words you know little or NOTHING about? Where the freak do Bastos like you cum from?

Reminds me of Philip K Dick but with an erotic twist

A genetic mix-up, plus an inclusion into a tight Brotherhood is a good beginning. Yeah, you made a few Military mistakes, but no harm and no foul from this old Vet. You made it clear in your intro that this was virgin territory for you. Hopefully you will learn from the comments, both positive as well as negative, that story telling is an art form, and it is not something locked into concrete !! IT"S YOUR story, do it in the way that you feel it should be done !!!

Was hesitant to start this long read because of the si-fi tag. Not my prefered piece of cake. But I'm addicted to your style, running out of your writings, and the longer ones are always the better ones , so i dived in to it. So far so good.

Hope you'll be writing more soon.