All Comments on 'A New Form of Tech'

Two years in a relationship and they blush at every second? Kinda illogical, don't you think?

Good point, but the relationship I have it based on is about 4 years long with the added time.

I use the following method to give appropriate, unbiased ratings of stories which are rated on a 5 Star Scale:

Y=1 point...YN=half a point):

OBJECTIVE RATING:

1- Compelling opening/hook? Y/YN/N -- y

2- Character(s) live/grow on page? Y/YN/N -- yn

3- Interesting story/progression? Y/YN/N -- yn

4- Satisfying conclusion or twist? Y/YN/N -- y

5- Well written and thought out? Y/YN/N -- n

INTANGIBLE/SUBJECTIVE:

X- Did I ever respond emotionally? Y N -- n

X- Is it a story I want to read it again? Y N -- n

Difficult to get past the errors in the writing, such as the inexplicable change from past tense to present tense, which began in the 2nd paragraph with: "I was blushing already as I walked through the building.... I walk into the office...." Also there were spelling errors and incorrect word usage (e.g "past" when you meant "passed"). I recommend you get an editor to read your next work (and I do believe you should give it another go) before submitting it.

I tried to get into the story but, well, is there really a story here? It's more the expounding of an idea. Stories have a beginning, a middle (wherein the reason for its being told can be found) and an ending. Although you have an ending -- and I give it a Y for being satisfying (only because I really liked the final sentence) -- it comes off less-than-full because of the empty middle.

I think you have a creative mind and you need to write more. This is a very good first attempt at translating into words-to-be-read what you are imagining in your mind. If, in your mind, a character ever comes to life so much that they start being who they insist on being despite what you might have intended to make them... you'll likely have a 5 Star-caliber story in the making!