All Comments on 'A New Life'

I started to read your tale. I soon gave up when it became obvious that you are running for the title of Queen of the Run-on Sentence. Most of what appear as

sentences are in fact three or four individual sentences separated by commas.

An example:

I became friendly with a neighbour, Joan, her husband worked away from home for long periods and she would call round in the evenings when the kids were in bed and we would chat and indulge ourselves with an occasional sherry or two, in the late sixties wine was not so popular as now!

It should read as:

I became friendly with a neighbour, Joan. Her husband worked away from home for long periods and she would call round in the evenings when the kids were in bed. We would chat and indulge ourselves with an occasional sherry or two. In the late sixties wine was not so popular as now!

Furthermore, good grammar is still important, even in these modern times where poor speech habits seem to predominate.

An excerpt:

"so a couple of weeks later me (Betty by the way) and Joan set off to walk"

If "me set off to walk" sounds as improper to you as it does to me, then "me and Joan set off to walk" is equally as bad. It should be "Joan and I (Betty by the way) set off to walk".

You should consider brushing up on a few of the fundamentals of grammar and composition before your next submission. You might attract more readers and higher scores as a result.

You have to keep writing to find your own style.

Good simple story - real people, things that happened.

I remember in the 60's my cousin would drive about 8 people in his car, drinking as much as the rest.

Let us have the next experience please.

For your first story, I really enjoyed it. Love the way you discribed the action. Loved the fact he wasn't a big 10inch cock, but a nice normal one. I wanted to be the one riding you.

Please tell us the next story when you did get to fuck.

Very good start indeed. The stories I crave are the real ones, no need to fancy a life I will never live through. Nothing wrong about your way of writing, it gives rhythm.

Looking forward to reading your next submissions.

A good first story... great build up and a nice climax with a hint of more to come. Enjoyed it.

I enjoyed reading your story. I hope you found writing it rewarding.

Look forward to reading more of your work.

Best description of nipples getting sucked to a full orgasm. Just wish that he got to nail her and he continued to drive her pussy to another orgasm and sucking or pulling those nipples . Very hot story thanks

as bad as her reputation in the village is sure to be