All Comments on 'A Night with Kelsey O'Hare'

I liked the premise of the story but the language was extremely confusing and pulled me out of the story.

In the beginning you were speaking in first person but near the middle and end it seemed to be more of a fantasy going on in the characters head. i.e

"I would grab both her wrist while keeping my rhythm fucking her."

it is entirely possible that you began writing and stopped and then resumed, I would suggest reediting and submitting again. also if you are having difficulty I don't know if they still have the editors here try talking to one of them