A Philophobic Affair Ch. 01

"I don't like where this story is going," I sighed. She chuckled at me. Although in truth I actually did like where it was going, I was ashamed of thinking about where it was going.

"Okay," She continued. "So said basketball player is at a party near by, and I decide to go because...well, why not? He sees me, asks if I want to go for a ride in his car. But one of his friends is using it. So once he sees how small my car is, but how spacious the trunk is, he grabs a few pillows from the house where the party was."

"That couldn't have been comfortable to be in, with just a few pillows," I commented. She shrugged.

"That wasn't the bad part, surprisingly," she chuckled. I looked at her.

"What was?" I asked.

"Trying not to hit my head on the trunk roof once I was laying with the seats down," she chuckled. I laughed, looking at the space that would have been between the floor and the roof of the trunk. It was at most 30-ish centimeters.

"Did you?" I asked. She nodded.

"But not too hard." She chuckled.

"Still...Ouch!" I commented. She shook her head, laughing at the scenario.

"Anyway, we drove to a secluded area, fucked, and then gazed at the stars for a while. I think that was the best part. I thought, 'I should do this a lot.' " She looked solemnly into the baseball field.

"Fucking?" I asked in a joke. She laughed, and playfully elbowed me in the ribs.

"No, star gazing... I really enjoyed it... He was pointing out patterns in them and we were cuddling... It was a perfect first time..." She took another gulp of her drink, looking even worse.

"... That is until he accidently revealed that he had a girlfriend," She explained. I looked at her, suddenly feeling an outrage inside of me... I wanted to find this guy and hit him... hard... my blood had already been boiling when she said that a guy was interested in her... but now I wanted to strangle the guy with spiked gloves for making my Abby feel this bad.

"I'm so sorry Ab... What... What did you do?" I asked. She took a deep breath.

"I left his sorry ass there without his clothes so he had to walk back to the party naked... and then cried myself to sleep... I avoided going to my school for the next little while. My parents thought I was sick..." She sighed, shaking her head.

"I felt sick," She explained.

I tried to ignore my anger for the moment and focus on her. She looked like she needed a friend more than an avenger.

After a moment of breathing, I wrapped an arm around her shoulder, pulling her to my chest, and she leaned in, letting me gently wrap my other arm around her. I watched her close her eyes, and feel the warmth between us before deciding that she needed to smile again.

"What's his name and address?" I asked jokingly. She chuckled.

"I already egged his house with my roommate... twice," She admitted sheepishly.

I laughed. "Okay I feel a bit better now,"

She smiled at me, looking up at me with her brilliant green eyes. I felt like if I wasn't careful, I would stare into them forever. Before I could get to the point where I wouldn't be able to look away from her, I turned my focus back to the conversation.

"Why didn't you ever tell me?" I asked.

She looked ashamed, and continued to sip her coffee while thinking about how to respond... She was much better at speaking than me. It was something I always admired about her.

"I felt dirty, and guilty... I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want you to know..."

"I wouldn't have judged you." I assured her.

"I know that... but I don't think I knew that then... I was too busy judging myself," She explained.

For the longest moment, didn't know what to say. I would have given anything to comfort her. Seeing her like this pulled my heartstrings... and then, before I could say anything else, she suddenly brightened up.

"My roommate made his computer explode... don't ask me how because every time I ask, she says 'if I told you, I'd have to kill you.'... It terrifying, and hilarious at the same time," She chuckled.

"You have a roommate?" I asked.

"Yeah, she and I moved in together last year, it was cheap rent, and she's gone a lot so it's fine by me... when she blew up his computer we had just become friends, now we're more like sisters. She's been by my side for years," She explained.

"Oh... Is that the Cynthia girl you told me about?" I asked.

She nodded.

"... The one that shot an apple out of your gym teacher's hand with an arrow because she didn't like him?" I asked, getting nervous for her.

She laughed. "Yup! That's her!" She laughed harder. My eyes widened, picturing her living with someone so volatile made me afraid. She had told me a lot about this girl through e-mails.

"She's a total badass," She commented.

She couldn't see how worried I was about it. I almost wanted to lock her up in my room so she wouldn't go home again... As I was caught in a loop of overthinking, another worrisome thought came to mind.

"She wouldn't hurt you would she?" I asked.

"No!" She laughed.

I relaxed a little more when I saw she looked even more entertained by me, but I still felt a little uneasy.

"No but she'd probably hurt you... there's only three people that she actually likes. Her brother Gideon, her boyfriend... or as she correcting me her 'not' boyfriend Gerard, and me... She's kind of a 'fuck the world, I don't care' kind of woman," She explained.

I chuckled trying to lighten up a little more.

"Sounds interesting," I lied.

She smiled. "Yup... but whatever you do... don't ever mock, insult, or otherwise throw negativity towards something she's a fan of ... She's a massive fan of HBO, and I've seen her kick a guy in the balls for saying one of their shows was stupid.... She didn't know him, and she had never seen him before... and she just walked up to him, glared at him, and kicked him... hard," She laughed more, looking like she was remembering it... all at once my worry sprang back to life inside of me. I tried to let it go as she kept speaking.

"... She ended up getting chased out by the mall's security. I had to take her wallet and buy her the clothes she wanted because they stood watch to make sure she couldn't get back in... to be honest she probably could have still kicked all of their asses... I've seen her in fights," She laughed more.

I shook my head, trying to get more curious than scared.

"Why didn't she?" I asked.

"She didn't feel like going to mall jail.... They had already put her in there for violence before," She giggled.

"She's psychotic!" I laughed nervously.

"Yup!" She just smiled back at me.

With all the focus within me, I concentrated on calming down, knowing that she was probably safe, and was just exaggerating about how this woman could be.

"I leave you alone and your befriending borderline criminal psychopaths," I commented with a fake smile.

She went quiet for a moment, looking like she was in thought. I was about to comment after a while of looking into the empty, and unused baseball field, but when I opened my mouth she looked up at me again.

"Speaking of which... What was with your comment in the car?" She asked.

"What comment?" I asked.

She gave me a look. "You know... the whole 'I have bull shit to see through' thing?" She asked. I tried to say something to wave it off... but this was Abby. She was my friend, my only true friend. As much as I didn't really want to talk about it, I knew getting it out with her would help me.

"I..." I tried to start, but it took me a moment to find my words.

"I don't know," I sighed.

"I haven't felt right with the whole, you know... relationship thing for the longest fucking time... And I still struggle just to observe and understand women... I don't know, I just feel like I fuck up everything and ruin my chances with any woman I meet," I tried to explain.

"What do you mean? What do you do that 'fucks everything up'?" She asked.

I sighed knowing I wasn't going into enough detail to tell her what was wrong with me. I wished I could just give her my thoughts without having to speak... Speaking is the enemy... or maybe it was apathy.

"... I don't put myself into anything," I realized.

She stared off into the distance, looking bewildered. I stared at her, trying to figure out what she was thinking about... It almost made me uneasy to see her looking so confused, but then she stared at me seeming surprised.

"... So... Does that mean you're a virgin?" She asked jokingly.

I bursted out laughing along with her after a moment, glad for the moment of silliness. It's what I missed about her. She had this amazing ability to make me smile through saying something hard... It was good for me to say these things, and talk about them... but it was easier with humour.

After a moment I managed to gather my thoughts and words a little better.

"I don't know why, but I just find that I don't seem to pick up on things that let me know what people are feeling. I thought it was just me, but after a while I just kind of... gave up on it... even though I shouldn't have," I started.

I thought harder about everything, wanting to get it all out to her so she could figure it out with me.

"Sometimes I purposely don't connect to people properly, and yet I don't want anyone to leave me... And I don't want to leave," I shook my head, continuing to babble.

She looked at me, waiting patiently for me to continue.

My mind wandered through the women that I had been with, and my experiences.

"It's like I know what I'm doing, and I want to stop, but I don't... I don't know why I don't take more time to be on my own so that I can figure it out," I voiced.

As I thought I noticed a pattern.

All the relationships I had been in didn't have much space between each other... I think the longest time I was really alone was two months.... Despite my inability to connect in a relationship...

"I'm lonely I guess," I added.

She nodded, taking it all in before speaking.

"So you're philophobic?" She asked.

I looked at her sideways with a grin sticking to my face. "What?" I asked.

She sometimes had a knack for knowing... 'unique' words.

"Philophobia is fear or avoidance of love or emotional connections. What you just described sounds like it," She explained.

I laughed, wanting to make light of it.

"Well Doc, what can I do to cure it?" I asked.

She rubbed her chin, overdoing the thinking pose with a scrunched up face. I laughed harder.

"Hard to say bud, looks like you have a few weeks before you meet a girl, have a mediocre marriage, and kids, while somehow surviving your miserable job," She put a hand on my shoulder.

"Nooo!" I chuckled while falling into her lap.

She dramatically began to stroke my hair. "It'll be okay buddy. If you're lucky you'll find a girl with low standards to have an affair with on the side while your wife fucks her boss," She added before breaking her character with a giggle.

We layed there for a little while, letting the laughter die down before relaxing and laying back to enjoy the fresh air around us...

"It smells like it's going to snow soon," She commented with her eyes closed.

I closed mine too, to concentrate on the mild smell of winter slowly coming... It's a weird thing we noticed... When it's either about to snow, or when it is snowing... there's just a faint smell of smoke in the air. It was never an overwhelming scent, in fact it was actually nice to breathe it in.

We had a theory that it was because all of the houses that were around had turned up the heat, and maybe it was the smell of their furnaces.

It was believable, since there were a lot of houses around...

The random thoughts, made me think more of her when she was younger, and how I always felt whenever I read her emails... When ever I saw them, it put a smile on my face... and when our conversations were over I felt a little empty.

"I missed you," I whispered with my eyes still closed.

I felt her fingers run through my dark hair again.

"I missed you too," She softly replied.

It felt nice to have her hand on my shoulder and think about nothing while feeling the air get colder as the day started to end.

Coming home almost felt like a mistake, especially when I started jacking off to the thought of fucking my step mom... Everything felt so weird, and out of place as soon as I stepped off of that damn bus... but being here with her made things better.

She was always the one to keep me sane... I missed her a lot more than what I could have ever realized.

Without thinking I turned my head to the nearest part of her that was close to my mouth, and gave it a gentle kiss, feeling the warmth on my lips through her clothes. She jumped slightly, but didn't say anything.

I noticed that the area seemed to instantly get warmer as my lips found it. Out of curiosity I kept kissing it, getting distracted by the warmth against my lips... I had a random urge to taste it...

I wondered how she'd react to me licking her... It was a funny thought, and while my mind was still shut off, I stuck out my tongue, and licked the warm, slightly moist fabric.

She shivered and chuckled nervously.

It was a different reaction than what I was expecting... I thought she would laugh...

"U-um... David?" She sounded a little confused. In confusion, I didn't realize why until I opened my eyes, and saw that I was kissing her pussy through her thin jeans.

"W-what... um...?" She didn't know what to say.

As I stared up at her, I was abruptly imagining what she would look like if I was licking her naked pussy... what she'd look like if she was orgasming. I quickly pushed the thought out of my head as I forced myself to sit up.

"Sorry... I don't know what... I don't..." I trailed off not knowing what to do or say.

I felt like something was about to be ruined... if it wasn't already...

"Can... we maybe um... forget that happened... I thought it was your thigh," I tried.

She looked at me.

"Why were you wanting to kiss my thigh?" She asked. It wasn't a challenge, or curiosity... her question almost sounded hopeful. What could she possibly be hopeful about, I thought.

"It was just... appreciation... like if I kissed your forehead," I tried.

She looked at me, seeming just a little disappointed.

"Oh... Ok... I'll um... I'll take you home," She got up and made her way back to the front of the car.

As I tried to figure out what the hell just happened, I did the same, closing the trunk door before getting back to my seat.

****

When I got home, I still felt off. It didn't make things better when I saw my stepmom in the kitchen trying to tidy things up while cooking. I tried not to look at her, but concentrate on the smell of the simmering food instead.

"Oh hi!" She greeted me.

I painted another smile on my face as I approached her.

"Hey," I replied.

"I wasn't sure if you were downstairs or not... are you alright?" She asked kindly.

For the longest time, I stood facing away from her, not wanting to say anything.... I had no idea what to do. It felt like I was being thrown into a violent whirlpool after everything that happened during the day.

"Do you need help with dinner?" I asked instead.

When she didn't immediately answer, I turned to look at her, and she looked me up and down again.

As I observed her, I noticed that she wasn't scanning me like I was originally thinking... I think she might have been wanting me to think that...

The only thing I could ever figure out about women is when they were checking me out... And that's what she was doing.... This insanely sexy woman, a mother of two kids, and my father's wife; meaning my new mother, was checking me out... and from the amount of time she was taking...

"You like what you see," It wasn't a question.

I had no idea the words had escaped my mouth, and it then felt like the air around us was getting hot.

Her eyes shot open, and she was staring at me.

Without thinking, I chuckled, trying to portray what I had just said as a joke.

She immediately played along nervously and suddenly put her hand on my chest.

"Well son, you obviously work out!" She chuckled, playing along with me. Admittedly, I wasn't really playing, but she didn't know that. Now that she thought I was... I could get away with a little more action.

"Well you know... the girls like it when I can fuck them against the wall," I smiled. I was getting more reckless as my lust clouded my judgement. To my luck, she was laughing again.

I don't know if it was just because of what happened when I was with Abby, or if it was just the way she looked in that tight little business skirt, and blouse, but I was being driven mad by sexual tension.

My cock couldn't take it, and if I stayed there I was going to have a lot more troubles as I was starting to get hard again.

"I bet! How many girls have you been with, naughty boy?" She asked.

"I'm not sure mommy wants to know," I replied teasingly.

In that moment, I saw her shiver... just slightly... but it was enough for me to see it.... She was doing the exact same thing I was.

In an instant, I was blind once I saw it, and I couldn't control myself. Before either of us could protest, I moved forward, bending down, and wrapping my arms around her. As soon as I had her pulled right to me, she made the next move immediately, kissing me, and moving her hand to my stomach.

Her lips were soft but firm against mine, and the taste was divine... like no other girl I had tasted before. It was like a sweet venom that I would gladly die for, if only I could have just a little more of a taste...

My whole body lurched as I moaned when she slowly moved her hand down to my crotch, feeling my hardness through my pants.

When she felt my reaction, she moaned, and I could feel her voice making her lips tingle against mine. I felt almost powerless to her, and what she wanted as we continued to feel, and kiss each other. It was incredible!

Without warning my senses seemed to come back to me and I froze... unable to pull away from her, but trying to get myself to the point where I could.

She seemed to pick up on it, and then froze as reality came back to her.

"Oh my God!" She pulled away, and faced away from me with a shocked expression.

"I'm sorry..." I didn't quite know what to say. All I could do was stand there, and stare at the kitchen sink to try and gather my own thoughts again.

"I-I am too..." She breathed back.

Despite trying to gather my thoughts, my eyes kept on trying to wander over to her ass.

Fuck meee! I thought as I started towards the stairs.

"I'm gonna go to my room," I managed to say before moving.

She didn't say or do anything to reply.... We were both in shock about what just happened....

I made out with my step mom... I fucking made out with my step mom!

I refused to let myself get off as I laid down onto my bed, trying to forget the day.... If I continued down the path I was on with my step mom, I'd be fucking up so many things in my life.... And to make things worse, I was on a similar path with Abby... and I had no idea how that even happened.

My mind was about to wander to places I didn't want it to go... and then the old memories of Abby and I started to surface, like my mind knew it needed to be more at ease. She was still the best thing in my life right now...

"I can't jeopardize that," I voiced, terrified.

Before I could think about anything else, I picked up my cell phone, and dialed Abby's number.

I wasn't sure if she was going to answer, considering what happened earlier.

"Hello?" To my surprise, her voice came up just after two rings.

"A-Ab... I'm really sorry about earlier... I um... I was just really hoping we could talk for a while," I replied.