A Rainy Evening

I pulled out of her finally and lay back, exhausted. I pulled her on top of me. She rubbed her clit against my shaft for a moment and giggled. Then I put my cock back inside her. She struggled to position herself, to balance over me while she moved back and forth. The unfamiliarity wore her out after a few minutes.

She rolled off of me and onto her back again, pouting. "You do the work."

I did. Nothing fancy now. Just her legs apart, her knees bent a little, sweat slicking her lovely torso, me on my elbows so I could look down at her, worry her nipples with my tongue or kiss along her cheek, nibble her earlobe.

"Take me," she demanded.

After a few minutes, I raised myself up a little, slid a pillow behind her head. "Look down," I said. "Watch me going in and out of you."

She did, and her eyes widened, and then she looked up at me, and I was lost in those eyes. They didn't have a bottom, there was nothing about me that she couldn't see or know.

I don't know how much time passed then. We moved against each other, changed positions, caught our breaths, held each other, touched each other. I couldn't stop stroking her skin, weighing her breasts in my hands, running my fingers over the soft curve of her tummy. I touched her pussy with my palm and she gasped. And that moment was perfect, the two of us utterly unguarded and free and completely attuned to each other.

Finally, I lay her on her stomach and stretched myself out over her back, slipping my cock between her cheeks again.

She was amazed again. "It's so warm. I love how that feels."

All of it was all so new and unexpected for her: the mechanical difficulties, the stray pubic hairs, the shortness of breath, the heat and the weight of my body on hers. I felt giddy, almost unbearably happy that I could show her all of this.

After a long time I stopped and rolled off, then lay alongside her. I still hadn't climaxed, but I had to rest -- the sensations had left my nerves overloaded. And I didn't want to hurt her, to rub those untried places raw.

After a minute she said: "I thought there would be blood, you know, the first time … maybe I sucked it all off?"

"Yeah … maybe. I was afraid I was going to hurt you."

"Oh, it hurt all right."

I was startled. Had I been that insensitive? "I'm really sorry …"

She smiled, a private, warm smile. "No, it's okay."

We lay with our own thoughts for a while, and then I pulled her against me and tucked her head into the hollow of my shoulder. I felt suddenly light-headed. I crawled out of bed, threw on pants and a shirt and excused myself for a few minutes. I drank some water from the old sink in the bathroom down the hall and leaned on it for a minute until the feeling passed.

What really bothered me, I realized suddenly, hadn't been how I'd acted – taken inexcusable advantage of her innocence – or what we'd done. It was how I felt. She was half my age. But it was as if I'd been expecting her, this exact girl, known she was there, but had to wait until now to find her.

I shook my head, not really knowing what to do with those feelings. I went back to the single bed, uncomplicatedly elated to be sharing it with her for the next few hours. I crawled back beside her, carefully arranging our bodies to fit. She fell asleep almost right away, on her back, her arms above her head, her breathing soft and steady and musical.

I dozed a little, while late-night partiers went by noisily beneath us and rain spattered on the window, and finally dropped off to sleep. I awoke to the vague 6 AM light; we seemed to wake together. The nearness of her was irresistible. Stroking the back of her thigh sent us into another of those disconnected moments, leaving only flashes of memory, as if illuminated by streaks of lightning: her top open, breasts spilling out, generous brown nipples rising beneath my fingers; a whispered "harder" as I squeezed, a voice that seemed to come from someone new, someone wiser than the girl I'd met the night before, who already understood her body better. Then all our clothes were gone and I was on top of her, moving inside her, looking down into her astonished eyes, eyes that weren't really seeing me, but seeing herself, seeing this new woman she'd just become. Her voice rose, until every breath was a scream, the small room echoing and the little bed shaking beneath us. "Fuck me," she demanded, with a hard, confident urgency she wouldn't have been capable of a few hours earlier, and a molten rush came up from inside me before I could think or respond or move, spilling out into her pussy and then onto the skin of her belly and her legs and the tangled covers, pulsing with each desperate thrust of my hips until my body turned rigid and I couldn't hold myself above her any longer and I sank down into the welcoming softness of her body.

And then it was over. We lay for a moment on our backs, letting our breathing calm.

"I didn't think it would be with someone like you," she said. She didn't sound angry or regretful, just a little perplexed.

"Well," I said, reasonably, "there's something to be said for your first experience being with a guy like me. It's safe and uncomplicated. You know that nothing could ever come of it, so …"

I stopped. Her face told me that I'd said the wrong thing. And it was wrong. It should have been unambiguously, self-evidently true, but somehow it wasn't. The odd feeling I'd had earlier came back to me, so strongly that I couldn't speak for a moment: I'd been waiting for a girl like her. I hadn't known that until now, but it was true nonetheless. No, not a girl like her. I'd been waiting for her. I saw with unnerving certainty that this girl had the power to save my life … to wrench me from the emotional catatonia I'd been living in for years. To save my life, or to destroy it. Or both. Most likely both.

But I had a plane to catch; she had a dorm room to pack up. She took me downstairs and walked me back in the direction of the train station. The empty dawn street still glistened from the previous evening's rain. We hugged and held onto each other for a minute.

"I'll write to you," I said.

She nodded and gave me a smile, a new confident one. And we went off in our separate directions.