All Comments on 'A Satyr's Mate Ch. 01-02'

I enjoyed the 1st chapter and look forward to reading the rest. Thank you for sharing... this is easily worth 5 stars.

looking forward to more chapters soon

Can't wait for next chapters

Can hardly wait for more. Thanks for an awesome read.

An excellent beginning. You've drawn me into this story's world and now I can't wait for more.

Great read! Already has me hooked, can't wait for more chapters

Very enjoyable. I can't wait for more.

First off -- thank you VERY much for making sure the story was edited for spelling/grammar before you posted it.

Some people don't notice, some others don't care, and the rest don't understand. Meanwhile, though, the rest of us are quite appreciative of this 'little' detail being taken care of.

As for the 'flaw' I noticed, don't worry; it wasn't with story mechanics, plot, characters, or the like -- it was one of the words which Ashira used in her thought-process during her mental-exposition around the time of the auction:

'nanosecond'.

Although there weren't very many specifics mentioned about the level of education she had received, the fact that she was living in a 'village' indicates to me that it lacked a certain level of technology. (Then again, that's just based upon what the typical human village possess for technology on earth.)

Given that 'nanosecond' is a very scientific word (both in origin and in the majority of its use), it made me do a double-take when I read it.

In the context of the rest of this story, it seems entirely out of place.

I suggest 'in a heartbeat' or 'in the blink of an eye' as phrases which would get the same point across without such a sense of breaking immersion.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go binge-read the rest of this.

:D

In addition to nanosecond, you also used the words 'oxygen', and 'sodomize', as well as a few other 'modern' words that I can't remember off of the top of my head. It's stated in a couple of different places that she doesn't know anything about sex, so sodomize stuck out to me. Also, the Satyr's and Ashira's thought processes and language are too refined. Dolphus and Ashira both sound educated, which doesn't fit with her back story. The dichotomy created by your extensive vocabulary and use of adverbs, and the fact that she was raised to be a slave makes it difficult for me to invest my emotions in her.

My suggestion would be to have her use smaller words and speak in a broken fashion. Lots o' tis goin' on. You can then have Dolphus correct her speech patterns in a loving way, further endearing us to him. It'd also be nice to get an explanation as to why he's so learned up in the remote mountains. Him being the alpha male is not enough.

Side-note: If you want to demonstrate Ashira's intelligence, have her ask questions, notice things, and learn quickly. Dolphus answering her questions would be a good way to tell us about the world you're building without doing huge info dumps.

Alright, that's about it. As far as the technical aspects of writing go, I'd give you a 7 - out of 5. Aside from adverbs, your diction and phrasing were amazing (and in a different world/setting would be very much appreciated). As for the actual story, however, it didn't make me feel anything in particular, so not quite as high.

Great story. Leave everything as it is and ignore the last 2 comments. Being a slave doesn't mean being a functional illiterate! I like articulate characters,so keep up the great work!

To everyone who posted feedback, thank you very much. I've read each comment many times.

@cittran: Great catch with the 'nanosecond'. It never occurred to me, but you're absolutely right.

@ShawnSwift: In reading back through my text, during my edits, the 'sodomize' reference stood out to me, too, but I didn't change it. You caught me in a lazy moment - won't happen again. Not sure I agree with the rest of your assessment as Ashira was not raised a slave and was actually well-educated. Dolphus was the son of human father and would've developed good verbal skills from him.

Thank you for this! It was an amazing start! I get board with the same story over and over... This is a breath of fresh air!! I can't wait for more!!

Thank you. I am about to read all the other episodes immediately. I am engaged with the characters and I greatly value your gentle approach to her innocence. I take pleasure in the absence of redundant apostrophes. I have also enjoyed the other comments, particularly the detection of your anachronism.

It's not often I come across a novella that's finished and posted all at once. I am grateful for not having to wait! This is well written and I enjoyed it very much. I look forward to the next chapter. Great work madam!

I think that in writing in any of the categories, there needs to be good story crafting. I see it here. In writing about Nonhumans there is the balance of new words and names with what is familiar. You handled this balance well. This is readable and creative and I look forward to finishing the novella.

For example, in the 2nd to last sentence, it should be "effect", not "affect". Other than that, very well-written and creative. 😊 Liking it so far, keep up the good work.

I love the story so far. It is very plausible in the magical world. I am ready for the next chapters. Thanks

I really like this. You've immersed me in a world of fantasy and I can't get enough. You have an amazing writing style and amazing ideas.

I liked your story so much I'm doing a second read through of it. I think I found a mistake and I would like to be corrected if I'm wrong, but I recall the word "clicks" is used as a measure of distance. You used it to refer to the temperature of Dolphus' body early on in the chapter. I looked the word up to see if it could be used with temperature, but I didn't find anything. So, you may want to consider replacing that word with another. I absolutely love love love this story, though. It'll keep me binge reading from beginning to end :)