A Second Chance Ch. 4

"And, I don't know," I said to him, "how we can be in love with you in Atlanta and me in Tulsa."

"So, what are we going to do?" he asked, still with his head on his hands.

"I don't know, Shug. I don't know, yet. Do we have to decide all of this right now?"

Shug raised his head and looked forward through the windshield. "It all impacts, Caroline. If I am to fall in love with you, there has to be some hope of us being together. Otherwise, there's no point in continuing the relationship, is there?"

"I guess there isn't." Now my guts were knotted. A deep dread settled over me.

"'Tis better to have loved and lost," he whispered.

"Oh, god, Jeremy. Don't. Please don't do this," I whimpered.

"Can you come live in Atlanta for the next two years?" he asked.

I shook my head. "I can't. Nathan. His grandparents."

"What about Carson's Mill?"

I thought for a minute. "I don't know. I could, I guess. Maybe. I don't know."

There was absolute silence in the car. In my heart I knew there were tough questions to be answered, hard decisions to make. A huge lump settled in my chest as I pondered the many challenges that lay in front of us. The dread welled up inside me, running up my throat, constricting it, nearly choking me, and forcing tears to well up in my eyes.

"Please, baby," I begged him, my hand clasping his arm, "don't make me do this now. I don't want to do this now. We don't have to do this now, do we?"

I know I looked a wreck. Tears streamed down my face. I knew it had to be flushed. And, dammit, I thought, why can't they make a damned mascara that didn't streak all over you when you shed a little tear.

Shug looked straight at me. He smiled, then clasped his hand over mine.. "You just want to live for today, huh?" he asked. "Don't worry about tomorrow. Just pretend tomorrow never comes. Is that it?"

I nodded. "Something like that," I told him. "I just want to be with you, and love you, and put all that reasonable stuff off until...I don't know...until we have to face it."

He leaned over, put his hand under my chin and pulled my face toward his. He kissed me so softly, so tenderly, I nearly wept again.

"I must look awful," I said, pulling back from him. I turned to the visor and flipped down the vanity mirror. Sure enough, black circles and streaks marked my eyes and my cheeks. I dabbed at them with a tissue.

"You know, you don't need to wear all that stuff," Shug said, starting the car and pulling back onto the highway. "You're beautiful without it."

"You're a practiced flatterer, aren't you?" I responded. "That kind of flattery will get you laid."

"Really? When?" he asked. "Remember, it's been almost a full day."

"Are you horny?" I jibed at him.

"Completely," he nodded. "I want to make love with you so bad I ache."

"No making love this time, buddy," I said. "I need a primitive fuck."

"When?"

"Next exit with a hotel," I told him. "And, this time, do be so persnickety."

"I got some money at home," he said. "I can help with the expenses."

"Is your manhood challenged because I'm paying for everything?"

"It just didn't seem fair."

"You shouldn't worry about stuff like that, Shug. I'm rich," I told him.

"Are you?" He seemed amused.

"When Eric and I were married we had very little. We accumulated very little. The insurance premiums for a stunt pilot are extremely high, but Eric said it was vital to keep them up. For three years we scrimped and scavenged, we did without a house and furniture, all so we could pay those damned premiums. In the end, though, they paid off. When Eric was killed, he left me a three-million dollar policy. I'm rich, Shug. And, I don't give a damn about money."

"What did you do with it all?" he asked. "If you don't mind me asking."

"I put one million in the bank. The government took a lot of it. The other two I invested in a diversified portfolio. I've got a great financial whiz-kid who keeps track of it for me. Every month I get a check for about six-thousand. That's what Nathan and I live on."

"Sounds like you've got it well in hand."

"I do," I said. "So, quit worrying about paying for stuff. This is my trip and my treat."

Shug let go of the wheel and raised his hands toward the ceiling, palms up. "I surrender."

"As well you should," I grinned. "Look! There's a Best Western."