All Comments on 'A Secret Even to Myself Ch. 08'

dear dear Talyis:)

just found eagerly awaited chapter 8 :))

firstly,my beloved high priestess of words,your wish is my command..i will read ' A Wider Sky' and bask in your superb and most admirable style, of developing a lit BDSM romance, that i love like hell...!!!:))

a whole complete story by you...what a too good treat!!:))..3 good!!:))

Both your 'A Secret.....' leads Tobias and Mahin have been created feisty and proud by you!! i could not take that spirited Mahin to be weeping in front of her cold war enemy Tobias!! :((;))

why do even you lady writers defeat the ladies before the men in most literature?;)ladies endure such pains in reality without being cry babies..;) Mahin could have,with teeth clenched,borne the pain in front of Tobias when he was taking out the glass shards from her foot.....

.then while alone in her room she could have sobbed....

and just for the heck of checking on her Tobias opened the door to accidentally discover her sobbing for the first time ever.....!!.

....and before he could so much as even enquire she would snap back at him asking him to leave her alone in her room calling him a jerk ,moron and a psycho....;) what Tobias' reaction would be is upto you;)

spirited versus spirited has been such delicious reading!! :))

now for bringing the sparks flying...and the fireworks....between Tobias and Mahin.....i'm too too curious to know all the BDSM you have planned out between two leads who are turning out less and less of each others types....:)Tobias loves giving pain.....Mahin hates getting pain!!!!;)what next!!;)

and Talyis..on your BDSM romances i have read:-

especially for you....:))

i want to let you know what your writin makes me go through...:))

if i had magic wings i wud surely,surely fly yoohoo...:))

to the future that holds your BDSM rom chapter new!!!!:))

So the first thing I've got to point out is that I liked that Malcolm chewed him out a bit but honestly it was way too little. Mahin isn't even in the community and Tobias actions led to her having glass through her foot. That is abuse (along with the rest of his long list of abusive actions) and the sort of behaviour if he pulled it on a sub would get him blacklisted from his local community not just not allowed to DM for a weekend. Still maybe it'll shock him more normal or maybe Malcolm will just punch him out and become Mahins Dom because he seems way more likeable.

The fact that the probabation officer tried to write her up when walking in on her with her feet cut to ribbons wearing a dunces cap in the home of a felon who has been court ordered to look after her is really poorly thought out. He looks abusive, even if he wasn't responsible and at this point something needs to come of it, he needed to get reprimanded in some way for the story to stay cohesive and by going the opposite way the narrative feels not just non-sensical but pretty damn mean.

I hope from this you can turn it around and make the story solid but at this point to achieve them coming together in anything close to a believeable way would require a sweeping apology from Tobias, a recindment of his rules and for Mahin to choose to be involved in his games as BDSM without consent is just non-con. Even with all that to make up for it all it's going to have to be impressive seeing as the end of this chapter comes off as her cowering (covered in blood) like a beaten puppy.

2/5 stars

We shake our heads at what others do and why they do it.

Tobias the unhinged sadist being given free reign to torment Mahin for the death of his wife, which she did not commit. Mahin continues to accept this untenable situation instead of the controlled chaos of jail, which would probably result in early release anyway. Macolm, the voyeur who does nothing. The probation officer who is clueless about the parameters of their job. The author twists and bread crumbs us closer to the reality that Tobias is the supposedly great director that the unaware Mahin desperately wants to work with.

The bones of the story are solid. The fleshing out of the story is surreal. Occasional lack of clarity can be a useful literary device. Ongoing wtf-ness is exhausting. Taylis, you warned us this was essentially a first draft. Do you plan to rework it? Do you want detailed critique?

Honestly, I don't want them to get together. His anger just got her feet sliced with a bottle. Four hours in the corner is crazy for anyone. He asked too much of her, and his anger got her hurt. He had to be arm twisted into apologizing for doing something to slice her feet open. And he hurt her emotionally too. Unless I see some huge changes in Tobias, I just want him to fall in love with her and for her to tell him to F off. If he does grow and change, I want her to leave and then for him to have to try to get her back by offering for her to be in that movie because he knows she really will be the best one. It will be away for him to show her his good points and she can fall in love with him then.