All Comments on 'A Serendipitious Scheme Ch. 01'

HURRY BACK WITH MORE OF THIS EXCELLENT STORY

wasnt this posted before but stopped when little sister offered to help

Love the scheming little sister who gets fucked and is still scheming to get big sister fucked by their brother. Would like to see a threesome at some point in this series.

I liked the story line and concept, but you still need help with editing. Proofreading would be very helpful also. I almost quit early on due to mistakes, but I'm glad i finished. What could be a strong 5 is a 3.

Yes redlion75, this is a complete rewrite, because the previous plotline wasn't working. Also Gustavca only helped me in the middle part of the story because I wanted to quickly replace the last awful story/version. I thought I could do without help but I was wrong.

FWIW - I do have a plan for the next story, but I am writing something else at the moment.

But probably the most annoying thing in this story for me was the constant repetition of the names. Seriously!! It was really bad. There are many ways to identify your characters, and names should be one of the LEAST used.

Definitely would like this to continue, a little awkward in the beginning but smoothed out into a very nice story.

Was agreat story Loved it Don't stop writing

To Anonymous who thought that the story needed more editing, you need to get real and not measure the author by standards he will probably never achieve. This story is very well written for an amateur attempt, especially when the author has recognized his shortcomings and found help. This is obviously written by someone in the UK, so syntax, grammar and idiom will be different from what Americans are used to. Give this guy a break.

You have a decent story idea, you just have to work on the other part of telling a story - the presentation. Some improvement is evident, but there are a number of places where it is very obvious that words are missing, or some extra words were left in after you changed your mind on how to write a sentence. These are the kind of things that reading the story out loud after leaving it for a couple days will help make obvious.

While i do agree that you have to fix small things here and there, that will easily come to you over time as well. For a first story, i must say you did a pretty good job. I will certainly keep an eye on you for a while.

Constantly name checking the three people in the story is very irritating, and you are allowed to write sentences with more than 6 words; as it stands, most of first section has the flow of a 3rd Grade "What I did on My Vacation" report - (I went to Florida on vacation. It was nice. We stayed near the beach. It was hot. I had french fries. etc etc.) You need to work on your storytelling skills, as this seems to have been re-written and cut & pasted from several earlier versions, with mixed success, and not really proof-read, perhaps getting someone to read it out to you may help you spot some of the more obvious bloopers. I think it might be wise to take it down and re-evaluate it, as it's a great and intriguing story-line, and could go many ways, I for one would like to see it get a proper airing in a more readable form.

Its a very good story and yes could be polished but still lots better than many! Personally I think if you want to criticize you should own you comments not hide by being anonymous.

Sometimes the Plot line is more important than perfect mechanics. This is one of those times.

At least the author had an interesting premise, and actually used paragraphs. I will click directly out of a story that is just one big block of run-on paragraphs.

To the writer, keep at it. Mechanics are fixable-=-boring and old stale plot-lines are not. I rated this 5-stars for content. After-all, I do not view this as a literary contest--I come here to wank!

Lovely story, kept me on the edge the whole tme. Can't wat for chapter 2 surprises.

Yes on both counts. Reality went out the window in this one. There isn't a model alive that's insecure about her tits enough to drag her dipshit brother to a shoot.

very good story please continue it

Excellent. Needs to be continued

I don't often read one as well written nothing forced flowed seamlessly.Great job please continue !, I appreciate a story without all the vulgarity and crude language.

VERY good, realistic, and sexy without being sleazy - please have Max realize that Claire is in love with him before he has sex with Paige - don't break her heart, that would be mean ;-D

Soooo good... Thank you

It's like a movie.it can be triangle love story , you know . And it is very exciting. Keep writing. We want more from you

About eighteen or twenty more chapters should do it.Knock them both up it's the code of the west,north,south and east.

First example. First paragraph makes no sense, it’s gibberish.

Second example. Second paragraph has youngest daughter moving into sibling house as the mom can’t hack it. Really after two other kids? Utter crap that she would force a just 18 nondruggie noncriminal kid out. Oh and then FORCE the siblings to take her in. Utter crap.

When that’s your mother you don’t listen to the bitch and cut the cunt off.

How can you only write 1 chapter and not write more ....... please write more to this story !!!