All Comments on 'A Small Apartment vs. A Hot Mother Ch. 01'

Get an editor. One star, because a vote of zero stars doesn't get tracked in a story's rating.

Please check your spelling; get an editor; arrange your words into intelligent groups and then read what you've written, not once but several times. And even then don't assume that everything will be perfect.

This story is definitely far from perfect with way too many errors to let the narrative flow. Three stars only because I quite liked the story itself.

One of the biggest problem on lit is the comments. Exception story, a few errors but shit we aren't reading these for collage grading. I am genuinely looking forward to the next installment(s). Continue on please...

I enjoyed to the story line, I ignored the errors that is here and there. However,I have to say that I do look forward to seeing the the continuation of this story. I give you 5 stars because you done know how the keep the audience's attention and sometime that is all that matters. Keep up the great work and we looking to read something from you soon. Donny Monsta!

Every story.

A revised version has been uploaded.

Excellent storyline but frustrating grammar and punctuation errors are a little distracting.

You mix present and past tenses, spelling is atrocious and at times misleading. Twice in one paragraph you used the word chiefs when I think you meant chefs, commas where they do not belong. Frankly, I gave up finally and moved on to another story and another writer. Please talk to a couple of Literotica's FREE editors.

If what I read was the revised version I'd hate to see (or read, rather) what the original version was like. The overall premise of the story was good but grammatically, this was horrible. Like other posters have commented , grammatical errors .... BIG grammatical errors ... which throws off the flow when reading and trying to make sense of what it is you are wanting to convey. Spelling issues. Incomplete sentences. Not including quotation marks around dialogue.... or starting dialogue with quotation marks but not closing it. You are reading along, think it's part of the character speaking until you realize it's actually now part of the narrative. Or you're reading thinking it's the narrative only to realize it's actually a character that's speaking. Throws everything off. Yes I realize this is a porn website but please make an effort to proofread what you've written.... and as one poster said, please avail yourself of the FREE volunteer editors on this website.

you drew the anticipation out way too far. I was skipping through the last 2 pages and still no mom. Disappointing to say the least.

Way too unrealistic and over the top.

Good story. You use the word chiefs wrongly. It should be chefs witch is a cook. Chief is a tribe leader

The story is pleasant, but as other comments say the number of mistakes, spellings and erratic dyslexic punctuation makes this all really difficult to read - for us who aren't native english speakers. Sorry.

This is a tough read for native English speakers also. And the commenter who corrected chief/chef, and then used witch instead of which-let he who is perfect cast the first stone.

Have to say the progress is faster than some mind control stories, and faster than most well written mind control stories, we all know authors don't need to write build ups in mind control, yet this one is like porn videos, there was no fear of taboo, no hesitation, although well written, it would be better with more build up.