All Comments on 'A Small Indiscretion Ch. 03'

I'm enjoying this story. However it seems to be getting drawn out. Don't know how many chapters you plan on but I look forward to a speedy and entertaining conclusion.

Started out really good, but where is it going ? It's becoming dragged out and a little boring.

I would agree to the comments its dragged on.

I gave you 5* but was having second thoughts.

A small indiscretion as you say and so much hulla bulla.

I don't mind a couple of chapters yes it's getting drawn out do you want a one pager and done keep it up

Well, I was actually hoping for reconciliation - but now she's a cheating whore, no fucking way. He'd be better off rid of her. She definitely put herself in that situation knowing what Ed wanted, and sure she called it to an end - but would you accept your wife only being naked, fingered, etc by another man? No way.

Two wrongs don't make it right. Get rid of the bitch.

At least he was honest with his wife - she had no qualms about keeping it secret from him.

Good writing but a taffy plot.

It keeps,stretching ........

Too many plots intertwined, a lot of conversation without real impact, and no real action concerning the main plot.

3* (only for the writing skills)

...getting drawn out too far, for my taste. Of course, as usual, her editor started prowling on her and as usual, she never saw it coming (lol). Does that really fit into the scheme of a sucessfull reporter? Please: Don´t kill your own story by letting her Editor succeed on their next date (might be enough letting him assume things upon catching them both just b e f o r e things develope). As we all know, there has to be someone in the backgroud, interfering in the project - go on with that plot. To get it all together you might start off with the hospital calling, having found traces of a drug in his blood, thus proving his innocence?

And then burn the instigator, the editor, Susan...let it flow, man.

Two wrongs don't make a right and yes, her blouse undone and fingers in her is cheating. What would she say if he'd simply had a handjob from Susan? Pretty easy to set the standards for infidelity when you've been wronged first. Not sure what the women have in mind for Dave but entrapment is not a good or fair "test" for a loved one.

I don't know if I really like where you've taken this and it does seem to be dragging on. However, I am enthralled and compelled to read it and you've done a marvelous job of creating characters that the reader can empathize with.

but getting too long winded. Not even really a LW story - the cheatings seem to be no more than a sub-plot.

Are you serious? Just because his dick didn't go in everything's OK? Fuck what a simpleton.

I gave your first two chapters high marks, but this one slipped. Other than a few set ups for future chapters, this chapter was little more than well written filler. Having the wife cheat, and she did cheat penetration or not, was a cliche plot device that was not needed. It is a well written story that feels as if you are attempting to use filler to create a longer story than is there.

No vote. I couldn't get through the first page.

that is all

I'm just skimming over all the tedious mental monologues and pointless details about the construction/sabotage process. This is really a pretty simple chicken that is trying to prance like a Peacock. He cheated one time under very suspicious circumstances. He confessed. His wife is angry and uncertain of their future. The dramatic questions are: Was he setup and why? Will they reconcile or get divorced? Everything else you've included is Peacock feathers. Well, not really, since Peacock feathers are actually beautiful, and this tiring contrived story is confusing and sometimes silly. So you present us with Cyndi and Sherry cooking up some scheme that involves Dave, but you don't tell us what it is. And that is supposed to create suspense? OH, oh, I've got this really big secret that you all would just die to know, but I'm not going to tell you until you keep reading more pages of my weak attempt at drama and suspense. Oh my god, its so exciting; I think I'm going to piddle!

I am still withholding any rating, trying my best to give you the benefit of the doubt. But the interactions are often trite or silly (He needs her help choosing a dress, and that includes dinner and much wine, and then driving out to a secluded romantic site, and she's got a six year old waiting at home for her? And she knows he is a womanizer?), irrelevant to resolving the plot, and way too much pointless introspection. And the attempt to create sexual tension based on creamy thighs, bountiful cleavage, and sparking eyes is just sophomoric. Those scenes would be more appropriate to a group of highschoolers dreaming about their first sexual contact. Between adults it sounds dumb. They've all been working together for years, and they are just now noticing thighs and tits and broad shoulders and commanding assertive charm? A bit over the top, diluting what might be reasonable attraction to an interesting and charming person.

So, I'll be around when you get around to continuing. But I have to admit that if you just dropped this story here I wouldn't miss it much. I hope you change my mind with what follows.

I'm login' it. I look forward to the next chapter.

Tganks

Where is this going? Anywhere any time soon?

The flipping back and forth between the Queen's English and the poorly written American idiom is distracting and tiresome. Please finish this. Get a different editor as well.

BTW the wife DID cheat.

While I think you come up with great concepts for the plot of a story, your characters always start acting is such illogical and unbelievable ways, which ruin the overall tale. I also have to agree with so many other posters about the sheer amount of filler in each chapter.

Dave

Fucks up bigtime by getting rat assed drunk and ending up in bed with another woman. He does the honorable thing and owns up to his fuckup by confessing right away to his wife. The problem is he was so drunk he has no recollection of screwing Susan, but the reader is expected to believe he could perform in that state and his drinking buddies never are asked or mention anything about the super hot woman Susan is claimed to be, being in his company for so long?

Him and a work buddy are almost run off the road and killed yet never call the cops regarding the incident! No one would just shrug off something like that happening to them. Also whats the point in any attempt being made on hubby's life seeing as he doesn't own the company and if he was killed someone else from head office would just be sent to finish the project.

Sherry

Way to much time doing nothing in chapter's 1 and 2 except feel sorry for herself. While this was understandable to a point, chapter 3 destroyed her as a character imho. She goes out and gets drunk with a guy she knows considers her single (along with the whole office) and wants in her pants, goes to a very secluded make out spot in the middle of nowhere and breaks her marriage vows. She admits to herself Dave's explanation about a drunken mistake is 100% plausible and doesn't know if she would confess her own fuckup yet continues to go go ahead with setting her husband up with Cindy's cousin. Talk about zero moral highground.

yes need to wrap this one up before we lose interest

I read the other 2 chapters but started skimming after the first page this time. I'm a person who almost always likes these kind of stories I felt like this chapter did nothing except make the wife completely unlikeable. Hey may be an idiot but he is an honest idiot. You can throw the dishonest tag on her as well as her other issues. There is just not much to look forward to with this story.

That what doesn't move the story ahead is un-necessary and bogs

the story down.. This chapter could have been cut in half...

but it is dragging a bit, us yanks can get impatient. It's your story so reveal it as you please, it is a good one, and unfortunately looks like many chapters are left to reveal what is going on at the mall project, and with the women's plan for our man.

A bit to dragged out. But we'll see how you resolve this story. Why weren't the police called when he was run off the road and who wants his job. Some one wants his head and to kill the company he works for and why is his wife acting the way she is now knowing anyone can slip under the right circumstances. I can't believe he had sex with that women if he can't remember anything , seems he was drugged. And who is poisoning the well? Too much drama for a supivisor employee.

2 stars for the skim after page 1.

**

Some people are complaining about how the chapters are dragging on, and someone said that they don't like the wife. But for me? I liked how the wife got to experience something similar to her husband. Now, she stopped herself from succumbing but it's giving her perspective. I have my suspicions about the "small indiscretion" that the husband had... but this chapter was meant for character development, and there is some plot development going on -- Yvonne, and the plan being cooked up between office wife and real wife.

I am not sure how to rate this story, so I'll wait to the end. The author's lack of construction knowledge is a little distracting - from project management to terminology and means & methods on the job site. Since this is revealed in the details, I would advise being a little more vague in those areas if it does not detract from the plot. The plot has potential and I am curious to see how it develops.

The author is also trying hard to make Dave sound like an American and to convince us that the story is taking place here. He is not hitting a lot of wrong notes, but enough. It is a difficult task and I doubt I could pull it off with a story set in another country.

Good luck. I look forward to the next installment.

great story so far. I agree with one of the comments the lack of construction knowledge doess take away from the dstory but the real emotion of the couple play through nicely.

Curious to see how Sherry deals with the double standard off not coming clean on her slip up not as bad but a slip up indeed. Hiding it actually makes it worse. Look forward to next chapter.

And that is sherry and her epiphany after almost slipping herself.Far too many stories and real life ones as well have the other spouse,when their so cheats,going off the deep end,going ballistic,judging the other as a whore or slut,citing sacred vows...and completely forgetting both the circumstances and that the other person is human.In applying moral outrage,they forget another moral teaching,not just forgiveness,but forgetting they too can sin.Sherry is outraged at hubby,is indignant,throws him out and acts like a person who of course could never cheat herself,she is too moral...but then discovers she too could fall/fail.The one slip and done are like those who cry evil too easily,then find out they are capable of it. This part of the story is a lot more realistic then the btb,you slip and that is type..

My concern?That the soap opera will overwhelm the story if for example the woman he slept with Being part of the campaign to ruin the job.I really fear where this is a story where someone is not out to ruin the job,but Dave to be able to get sherry,that would be a travesty,and would ruin Sherry's journey to perhaps forgiveness and finding Dave again.

You need to move this plot along - quickly. Too many obvious things going on. The wife is trying to trap him into cheating again (why, when he finds out her part in that bad idea, would he be able to trust her - ever?), someone is trying to either kill him or hurt him to derail the completion of the Project, the Editor is trying to get into Sherry's panties (actually he's already been there - she just doesn't seem capable of owning up to the fact that she's a cheater too), trying to get Sherry to bury her husband's Company for either doing substandard work, using substandard material or accepting bribes or worse. Now you added another subplot with the undercurrent between Dave and the Home Office. Too many things going on, not enough detail in those occurrences and how do you figure that this is a Loving Wife story? It may have started out there but it has drifted off into the Forest of good intentions. You need to end this SOON. No score yet as I will give you a chance to wrap this up in the following and last chapter.

though several word errors. Need tougher editing or proofreading.

Two points:

1) Can you say "date rape drug?"

2) Why didn't Sherry just invite Dave to stay over that night? Or is she still too high and mighty, after essentially being unfaithful herself? And where in the world was DJ that last night?

I like the conflict in the stories, but there is still the sinister element yet to be discovered. Probably, "the other woman" Shelly, is involved in the conspiracy with the problems the construction company is having.

4 *'s

The last two posters implied a lack of construction knowledge by the author. We are dealing with commercial construction (mall) to be followed by heavy and commercial construction (subdivision) in this story. There are quite a number of points to be made outside the infidelity angles that keep popping up. Yeah, she cheated on Dave and as of now hasn't the same integrity she demands of Dave. Kinda two-faced in my opinion.

The major point in all this as the problems with the construction site cannot happen in the real world. Not the way the author presents at any rate.

1. There are very few contractors in the USA and Canada that can handle the building of a large mall. Most likely less than 100 country wide. There are even fewer contractors that can successfully build large malls AND housing subdivisions. Here most likely in the range of 20 to 30 total for the US and Canada. Most large construction corporations or companies specialize in one or the other, not all three. The amount of material resources, differing manpower requirements, types of equipment used, etc., is staggering for most companies to be successful. Malls generally use tilt-up concrete slab construction with heavy steel and steel work inside. Subdivisions use Heavy (infrastructure building codes, gas, elec, water, sewer, roads) Construction along with Commercial (wood frame, residential or commercial gas, elec, water, and sewer building codes. little to no steel, concrete, or heavy steel used) construction.

2. Sabotage and theft have been a part of new construction since Christ was a Corporal. Read that to mean for a very, very long time. All Construction companies and indeed ALL large construction companies pre-plan for these problems because one or the other always occurs... every time. As soon as the video and recording technology allowed for cameras the size of a concrete block to be used, large construction companies started using them to record after hours events and major sites. This started around 1975. Cameras are now in use just about everywhere new construction happens just because of theft alone. Even in Third World Countries.

I do not know what time frame this author used but the events as he described range from the improbable to the just not possible. Large construction sites also have on-site security after hours. In some of the more risky areas it is 24hr/day coverage. Adding additional security manpower is always an option and is indeed done. But cameras catch more, do more, and are much cheaper than adding more live security. Live security normally is used patrolling the site boundary or external to the site itself. Additionally, senior site staff (PMs, Supervisors, Foremen) are trained in the detection and prevention of theft and sabotage. They would not wait until a foreman stated he "thought" he heard running steps before an accident. And they damn well would have immediately acted upon the information unlike the events described in this story. Dave and his driver would have made the immediate tentative association that being run off the road at that location as a factor in site sabotage. All sabotage is not just limited to a site itself. Offsite logistics are prime targets when you have a secure site. Generally your required logistic needs are well known to your competitor(or perps). Perps=enviro-nazi types or anyone else that has a bug up their ass about the project.

Lastly, Sherrie is a news reporter/investigator. She would have reached a sabotage conclusion independently as she has been with hubby Dave through several of these build outs and would know the accident levels were abnormally high. Or is she so busy being made at hubby and doing her own cheating? But she would have reached that conclusion before one would hope.

It's a decent story overall.

The wife cheated. It doesn't matter that she didn't let him put it in, what was described constituted cheating. I notice she didn't tell her husband about her night out, so clearly she thought it was cheating, too. Then she's still a bitch to her husband? Right. Please wrap this up.

Hard to believe. I bet sherry did not get herself checked for the date rape drugs eather. Something is not right with her. Only time will tell. Please do not drag this out to long, if there is to be little action in the next chapter.

Nicely building story with many story lines. Not the normal for LW but I am enjoying the story and looking forward to next chapter and where this is going and what characters and reason behind events.

So many possible turning points.

What are Sherry and Cyndi planning...and what's with Yvonne?

Sherry's near fall with her boss? And that certainly comes as close to cheating as can be.

The Monday meeting? That's a hard sell.

The city inspectors?

The killer in the ford pickup?

Sherry's new assignment...will it take her husband down or "save the day"?

Now the new corporate antagonist? He has to be a bad guy.

What's with the role reversal for the mothers? And where are the two fathers?

Movement near the electrical supplies and Dave shrugs it off? With all the accidents on site? Not believable.

Dave and Sherry both losing weight from stress? It's only been 2 weeks.

Dave doesn't make more of an effort to see his son? Just maybe once a week, if that?

What will happen at the site when he treats his assistant to a nice Friday night dinner and evening with his wife? Another "accident" coming, I think.

The Sherry and Cyndi plotting does not bode well.

... If not soon, the least you could do is add just a little excitement. This story has rapidly become very boring. You've written three chapters by basically saying the same thing over and over. The whole thing seems to be wandering aimlessly. Even Sherry's near fall from grace was lame and certainly not enough to save this incredibly tiresome chapter. Come on, man, shit or get off the pot.

Between the blatant cheating on her husband, and the high school "testing" I hope to god he leaves the bitch. Then maybe Work Wife and he can move on.

As far as I am concerned now they are even. He cheated, she cheated. Now time to get on to what's really going on. Reading some comments, people are growing uninterested. Time to move things along. Please continue...

As usual alex_lover, decent idea run off a cliff by chapter 3.

You have2*s enough said !

AMerryMan

its harder when you don't. TK U MLJ LV NV

She is an investigative reporter? She didn't think anything of the white packet the waiter handed Ed! She doesn't question not remembering taking off her clothes? She whispers "we better not"? She is a hypocrite!

You tell us how much they were in love, but she doesn't really feel all that quilty about the night out with her boss! Dave came clean right a way! Sherry is two faced and doesn't deserve to be married to Dave!

There are no ferries on Lake Washington....they are all out in Puget Sound!

Waiting for your players to start figuring things out....

They were French kissing, he was feeling her breasts as he did so. Then she let him take off her blouse and bra were, feel her naked breasts and suck her nipples. She did not stop him fingering her for some time and only responded negatively when he was about to insert his penis. Ok she stopped him but to let him go so far must be regarded as cheating. Yet she says not one thing to Dave - hypocrite!

She says nothing to her editor who tried to seduce a married woman with a young child and just carries on working for him. In fact she makes a joke of it. Double standards.

And she is setting him up for a test when she has already failed.

Yes a cheating manipulative wife. I wonder if she will ever tell him.

His failing was not the small indiscretion. He was set up. She however was not set up. How did he react? He confessed immediately. How did she react? Hate to spoil the ending, she says nothing. Of course, later on she sleeps with some other guy with her husband's full knowledge. Turn back now! You have been warned.

Well now, Dave came clean immediately. She did not. She made the statement this chapter that word had gotten out that she's single . The only way this word could have gotten out was if she told them. And, there had been no divorce, she was not single. The night with Ed had definitely been a date, with dinner and alcohol. Preplanned. She had driven to a place that even a fifteen year old would have known was a lovers lane. When given the opportunity to disclose her indiscretion to her husband, she hid it completely. I know he had sex with someone else, but, it was not preplanned. His wife is NOT all he thinks she is. I guess we'll see where this goes.

So he comes clean immediately and she keeps her fooling around quiet?

He seems to have been set up and at least it was a woman that was a chance encounter while she is fucking around with her boss???

I was really liking and admiring her until now.

Now she seems much less a solid person than her husband.

Sherry and Cyndi are obviously going to have Yvonne, Cyndi's cousin, go after Dave, try to make him cheat. That's cold and unloving. I think you were originally set up Dave, but maybe it happened for the best. Run away from these two "loving" women. A couple of harpies...

Sherry most definitely cheated and apparently thinks nothing of it. I suppose it's fairly common to have the faithful spouse adopt an air of moral superiority, the belief that, "I'm allowed some latitude, some liberties, because I'm not the one who cheated". What she fails to realize is she's now as guilty of adultery as her husband. She planned for an evening with another man. She accepted the date with her editor, the dinner, watched while he kept her wine glass filled, and then allowed him to take her out in the country to drink the rest of the wine on a blanket, out in the dark. She was expecting to get laid, probably figured she deserved it, but wasn't sure if she would actually go through with it. Make no mistake, she's not suffering any guilt because of what she did, in fact, she looks back at what happened - and what almost happened - with bemusement. She's going to try and get "even" with her husband, wait and see.

'Nuff said.

I am trying to parse why this tale is not ringing any bells for me. I disliked the idea that she was fingered and it was some sort of surprise. You're there, you're kissing, you aren't close to passing out, so is the character a moron?

She seems to have little sense she cheated on her husband. No real reflection that she was a cheater now, too?

Is everyone assumed to be sexually available after some booze?

There is a woodenness to the writing and presentation, almost like the writing is akin to an effort to paint by numbers. The characters have the lives of marionettes, moved hither and thither without a sense of their having humanity as part of their motivations, Dave and Sherry don't seem to have any flesh and blood. It's almost as though Barbie and Ken slipped a hair off of their advertised storyline, having a sexual dalliance or two, but they're still plastic. Beautiful Sherry, Hunky Dave. Suddenly, a big project brings evil into their midst, and woodenly wanton acts follow!

And that ominous Ford pickup. Okay, we knew from the outset that the initial set up was an effort to harm the project, is the driver of the pick up gathering data on where Dave is? If so, how the hell does that matter? I guess I'll learn as I read the next installment, but I am barely maintaining an interest. No vote given at his point, I prefer to hope I'll read something down the pike that will warrant a more positive rating than I would provide now.

As for the author, I address these remarks not to belittle your efforts, in fact, I have read some really horrifically written stuff on this site, and yours is not close to that category. Your effort is much better than most, but I'd like to give some criticism that might improve your writing. If my critique bums you out, ignore it, and keep writing.

Who's ghost writing the feminist lace B.S.? Men are not intimidated by females, only another man can intimate another man. They is always the low level threat of violence between men, that is why we monitor our words and actions. Men in general don't give a shyt about a woman's money, unless she is throwing it in their faces. 3-stars.