All Comments on 'A Space Odyssey Ch. 02'

A bit short but over all a good job :]

Hi Anonymous (lol) thanks for putting up your comment. This is Chapter 2, I hope you have read Chapter 1 as well. They are short, to tease you, to leave you wanting more...... I hope. Look out for Chapter 3 soon!

This is pretty cool so far. Creel seems a pretty likeable character, and there's a lot of potential cross-species humour in this situation :) I think you've done a good job keeping the story moving along at a good pace, and the action is I think nicely handled. So all that together indicates a bright future for this series!

I do think there are a couple of things worth mentioning though. The first is that I think you could do with a little more background description. Some of the characters (Blane and Daven) aren't really introduced; I have no idea what they do, what they look like, etc. I feel like there's space for a little more background detail so help draw us into the story. What's Creel's ship called? Is it old and fancy, or new and battered? What does the bridge look like, or the docking ring? There are enough hints to suggest that Creel and his crew are cargo-haulers of some sort, but are they well-off, or struggling?

That kind of leads into the second point, which is similar to what the Anonymous commenter said. I understand the idea to have each chapter short, to sort of tease what's going to happen next... but here, in the beginning of the story, when we really don't know anything, it's hard to get a handle on things with such short chapters. I feel like the first few chapters, at least, should be longer, more fleshed-out with details, just to draw us into the story and the world. Then if the later chapters are short, we'll still be happy to keep reading. You kind of have to throw out a long line (longer opening chapters) to get people hooked, and then reel them in slowly (shorter chapters later on). Okay that analogy failed, but I hope you get what I mean!

Anyway, I don't want to go on too much, since this is just the beginning of the story. Have fun and keep writing! :)

Thanks Kueller! I appreciate the feedback. I will certainly be expanding on various characters in upcoming chapters. This is my first submission so kinda feeling my way, future chapters will probably vary in length just like the train of my thought lol. I look forward to getting Creel's story out to you all. He's a bit of a space monkey, cheeky and prepared to throw fruit depending on the situation.

Have a great day!

It's about time.

Little nitpick though. You used the number 5 when you could have used the word five. They're not 5 apples or 5 bottles for the price of 3, they're five gorgeous alien women. ;)

You are absolutely right about the numeral versus the word. I missed it in my editing but I'm hoping I don't miss it next time! Next chapter is being submitted within the next 24 hours!

Excelent read. Just finished the two chapters you have published and I must admit to feeling penalized not to find more :-)

This a very well constructed story. Since this is literotica, of course we cannot ignore the erotic/sensual side of the story - and I'm just saying this based on the hints you've laid out so far; This is still a very good story if you decide not to include that aspect in later chapters: Sometimes, I find that authors tend to jump to the sex scenes, which leaves the setting badly constructed at best. You have avoided that; the way you have, in the two chapters (forgive-me if I'm wrong but I've read chapter 1 yesterday and chapter 2 today so I might be confusing things), taken the time to build up the stress so to speak, let's the readers immerse themselves in the story and become more invested. The fact that you keep descriptions relatively simple and unobstructive is also a plus since it leaves space for the readers to fill the gaps themselves and, again, become more invested in the story. Well done.

I also like the fact that, from little things you say in the narration, this story seems to have a world to live in. There seems to be a plot going on and more than the erotic aspect of the narration I find myself curious as to what the aliens were carrying in the pod or what exactly the crew's job is. How is the culture in the alien's society? What DOES require, for them, an all-female crew? Why does the Captain seem relieved by escaping and even afraid of them? Are there repercursions or danger in getting involved with the aliens, or is it just their "forwardeness" in general? These are questions you might use to develope the story, should you decide to write it further.

I know it's been a while since you update - 2012 I believe - but I hope you can find the time/motivation to keep writting.