All Comments on 'A Stumbling Marriage Pt. 03'

Because this is a free, amateur site people tend to be less critical of writing skills but you should learn to write better than a 10 yr. old.

These people think and behave like children.

his rival, not to spite him but to hurt him?

How would she feel if Andrew fucked a younger, hotter, tighter rival of Shonas? A woman who would do things for Andrew that Shona won't?

This story is pathetic! Please stop now.

He was right...Deep down he knew his wife was a whore...His friend was going to marry another whore...The third whore was unhappy because she lost her black pimp...Isn't it racist to make all black man pimps? This marriage was doomed since part 1...So why not ended it now? Was the wife really thinking her lover would stay with her if she divorced her husband? How stupid can that be? 1*...And please end it here!!!

posted by a woman.

and she proved it. His mistake was in ever starting the relationship with such a cheater.

and totally dismiss the "author" as irrelevant. I suspect the "writer" is a woman who hates men and doesn't like women any better.

This rubbish and the "writer" are assigned to the dustbin for me.

Others may like this stuff, more power to 'em.

gave you a 5 and hope you'll write many more like this one!!!

The writing is ok and must be a female's perspective or a male coached that way to constantly paint Andrew as the worse of the couple in all ways possible. That bitch needs jacked, Andrew needs to follow her in her "travels" and catch Jordan laying some pipe, that'd take care of her shit permanently. All of their common friends think Andrew is the problem but that could change easily.

So she shows him by going and fucking another man, his rival no less. Yes, she showed him he was correct. This plot is nothing new and the character development is poor. I hoped for some new take, but it's too late. Wife is another filthy cheater and husband is clueless.

he even tells us it's the same old plot and story line. I think he she or it, IT is fucked up in the brain . That's why his wife let him because he was a nasty asshole. I gave you a 5 to help offset the asshole annony!!!

Good job!

I'm sorry, but this story is just plain ridiculous. All of these characters are so unreal that my emotions are detached. I can't even feel bad for this "marriage" because I can't relate to it. It is so far fetched from what a real couple would be going through that it is just words on a screen. Ridiculous words at that.

Advice to the author: If you post anymore stories, I suggest that you study real people in the situation that you are trying write about. Use them as a reference point. You don't have to write about that situation verbatim, but you can use their reactions as a foundation to develop your fictional characters. When writing, try thinking about how THAT real life person would react to the situation that you are putting your imaginary characters in.

Then get a decent story line and characters that aren't made out of cardboard. No real emotion in this mess and the characters were thoroughly unlikeable. Actually, they were so emotionless that I couldn't have cared less about what they did or what happened in the story. Bad story telling.

This is the worst read in a long time. Please stop posting if this is your best.

But don't stop writing. Gives pigs like Bonnie something to fantasize about. You two should hookup!

Man this is so bad I couldnt finish it 1 star learn to write as a grownup this reads like 7th graders ,,,

why call this loving wives more like cheat heartless sluts . if she really loved her husband she wouldnt have slept with his worst enemy.

Can already guess which way this will go he will find out and will think that she can run to the other guy but he will dump her. Good writing and hope to see the next chapter soon

i am not going to get into all the rhetoric about bonnie, whoever she is, but I agree with most of the comments that this is really not a loving wife. I would think that they would have to "love" each other to be in this category. smitty

How fucking dare she. To hell with the cheating bitch. So what if Andrew is jealous. She sleeps with his rival. Please burn her. I have no love loss with that bitch.

Time to gut her from her cunt to her lying mouth and let her bleed out in Jordan's bed

Well so much for the hope that I had that Shona and Andrew and the Love they HAD would somehow win out. But then you had to ruin that by making Shona just another WHORE. After part 1, I still has some hope even thou I read your other entries. You must really HATE all loving, happy and faithful married couples because all of those wives and girlfriends in your stories cheat, and can't seem to be able to stop. It's odd you always talk about how much the love their guy, but yet they are so quick to throw it all away for a strange dick!

"Loving Wives - Married extra-marital fun: swinging, sharing & more." The fantasy stories are for the most part about wives that are unfaithful. So don't berate the authors when they have the wife doing just that. And I enjoy BTB stories, sure, but I also enjoy those that have a repentant wife reuniting with her husband and family.

I'm enjoying this series, and want to see where the bitch wife will go. But I can only give 4 *'s because of the simple errors you have throughout all three submissions.

For example:

** Andrew then looked as said "and what about the picture? Who was that?" **

Andrew then looked AND said, not as said. Too many word usage errors, as well as punctuation errors. Please take a grammar course to learn these things. It makes for a much better and easier to read story.

I think I would pay to leave negative stars for crap like this.

....made Shona Jordan's slut, Jordan as written cannot do anything but brag and that means publicly in front of Andrew, make Shona beg for him to take her. Then Andrew should dump the slut, hook up with a Amy(who refused to allow Jamal to turn her into a slut), marry her and leave Shona wondering why she couldn't just listen to Andrew since he never put his foot down and when he did that night after previouslywarning her about Jordan, she ignored him both times and lost it all. THE END.

Because that slut bonnietaylor2 thought it was good. She wouldn't know good erotica if it bit her in her ass. 1* for another pile of dung degrading this category.

That broad must be a nutcase. Somebody put her out of her misery. Stop reading this site,it's making you miserable. Didn't read this story. Anything that doesn't even score three stars can't be that good, regardless what that cunt bonnie says.

this mentally retarded girl is worse than a whore, she doesn't charge. Andrew needs to get a set of balls, divorce her and get away, find a real woman. This marriage is over.

drop dumb whore shona and move on,before someone get hurt.trying to protect your home isn't jealousy.andrew only one marry in this story.

I believe the series are okay. Hopefully you continue because it seems like you can add another part to it. Looking forward to another one or two :)

Hope she gets caught. I would have changed the locks already.

You never get a woman unless you pay for one. And then she'll only visit you once, The attitude and nastiness in your sole is a game changer for every woman out there. gave this tory a 5

and just walk away.

This is too much like a feminist soap opera. She feels entitled to act and do anything with anyone anytime, just as if she was still single. What was the point of her getting married, except to suck all her hubby's money out of him - and he's more than stupid enough to let her do it. Fucking feminist, golddigging, cheating, sow-whore and typical stupid, jealous, immature 20 yr old. End of story.

After all that, she’s just another cheating whore.

I didn't think the story flowed very well. I thought the story would have ended up with the rejection of Shona, but sadly I was wrong. If I knew the ending before, I would not have read the first word

A total bunch of immature assholes all round. These folk have no idea why they get married other than to have their 15 minutes of fame at a big party before returning to their ego driven ways. It is to be hoped that they all burn in the train wreck to come.

This story is written with all the emotional and behavioral sophistication of a 15 year old. The actual writing is rudimentary at best, obvious and simplistic.