All Comments on 'A Tale Of Many Mistakes Ch. 01'

Now lets finish it, serial stories suck. The work of either lazy or insecure talent.

Love the way this story premise started and look forward to seeing how someone makes out in this situation and for them to continue on. How many of us thought like this story's life stage we would be starting over.

Excellent beginning. You have done an excellent job setting up the character of the husband. The suspense was perfect. The betrayal was fantastic. I hope you do an equally good job setting up the character of the wife. Why did she cheat if her love was so strong as depicted at the cottage?

First, I disagree with the first commenter who said serial stories suck and are the product of lazy writers. To the contrary, if this story is at all long, many readers won't read beyond 8 computer screen pages.

Second, your writing and plotting are superb. Granted, some of your sentences, particularly at the beginning, are far too long and convey multiple ideas or bits of information. This takes away from the pace of the story, which definitely picks up half way through.

Third, I will be looking forward to the next installment. Hopefully, you have already finished the story and we'll be seeing the rest in short order!

The only ones who don't enjoy serials are those with short term memory problems. But don't wait too long between chapters.

we retain some respect for the husband. So to the next part, and...?

Leaving us with so many questions. Please don't take too long before letting us have Chapter 2.

. . . now let's see where it goes. While I have a problem with characters deciding their marriage and life is over just because they are confronted by wife with another man, I do enjoy a well told story using that as premise. I want to see the next chapter and see where you take your story.

What next we all are waiting!

Great start, lgw.

Thanks for sharing on Lit.

Like it...want more!

Lots of possibles remain, well written here with potential for a very good series. Thanks!

MGM

This story has all the stench of poor husband getting kicked around by a sadistic wife and having to just muddle through. Pathestic. No wonder BobNobbi and Magmaman like it. It is a story for wimp shit losers.

that whack job wrote

"....while I have a problem with characters deciding their marriage and life is over just because they are confronted by wife with another man...."

OH MY GOD.

The author does a good -- not great but good -job of setting up the husbands' view of the relationship between him and his wife.

THAT is why the cheating is so bad.... NOT because of the screwing another man per se although that is part of it.

The husband has figured it out... that her cheating is SYMPTOMATIC of a much deeper issue:

the wife has hide these feelings about getting OLD and their early retirement over the past 2-3 years... and that the wife has had a VERY different view on life than his.

In other words thehr is whole aspect of her world that he does NOT know ANYTHING about.

small wonder then that a MORON like Bobnbobbi thinks this is JUST about cheating

I look forward to the rest of your story.

Very nice job of illuminating the husband's emotional state. I look forward to the next episode in which, perhaps, you illuminate the wife's motives.

Is she fucking the young stud to make her ego feel better and letting herself think that she's not getting old.

I would think that fucking her old husband would drag her down to where she would feel old again, and had to have another dose of pick me up sex with her young stud.Probably in her twisted mind that as long as her husband didn't find out then it wasn't cheating.

Good story and I hope to see the next chapter soon. Thanks

Let's see what you do with the next chpater.

I liked the writing but Kieran leaves me feeling blah. He expresses a lot of emotions but he seems like a wimp, living in his emotions instead of the real world. Losing someone you love is very hard to deal with but life moves on. Wallowing in pity for 5 years is simply pathetic and makes a poor story. I don't doubt there are people that do this but I am not interested in reading about them. I'm not sure where the story is going so I'll probably want to follow it a bit longer. It the next chapter is more about him moping around I'm going to lose interest pretty fast. Some of Eileen's motivation might be interesting but I have doubts about her presenting a worthwhile case. If it's that she was feeling old and unsexy, BORING. Her motivation and the depth of her betrayal will guide whether they can be together again (Is that the goal?). They haven't for five years so what has she been doing? Waiting to see where it goes.

I am in the ride!

So for 2 years she felt like she was getting old before her time. Well, what better way to feel younger than by having sex with someone 10-15 years younger, hey?<P>

Heaven forbid she would actually talk to her husband about her concerns. But after that great weekend of sex, planning and talking she is going to 'make it up' to Kieran. Except, of course, she needs a final send off for her young stud before remaining 'true' for ever after.<P>

It's a real pity Kieran loves her so much because only someone you love that much can destroy you so badly. And 5 years later his life still sucks. The way you set it up I have to think it is a reconcilation story but 2 years of betrayal is a lot to forgive.<P>

Thanks for sharing.

Thanks for the encouragements.

In answer to the first comment, it is insecurity the problem. It is my first story and I believe I had to start somewhere.

Now, what I need is a proofreader for the second installment. I will certainly not post the second one before a good Samaritan can edit the many little mistakes I always make.

Oh, by the way, I don’t believe that everybody react the same given all the same circumstances. So yes, the husband might be a wimp for some and a normal guy with feelings for others.

Good introduction, looking forward to the rest of the story. I'm guessing you'll get into the why and how's behind Her betrayal.

Let the story go where it may. To listen to us bozos is to write our story. Write your own. Just make it real.

I hope to hear her side in the next chapter.

Welcome to Literotica! Keep Writing.

I believe you will make this an entertaining journey as the many mistakes are revealed. Thanks for the effort so far and please don't make us wait too long for the next installment.

Wow what a classic slut story, now finish it with the ending her actions deserve divorce followed by the discovery that cover boy gave her aids.

She's such a selfish whore who cheated on her good loyal husband. You created these characters, you wrote these strong scenes of intense betrayal by her. Finish it as strongly. He's been so wronged, she lied directly to him while is assholes car. She's a cheating whore, bring the story home and make her pay.

If the happened in real life I would be on my way to jail since wide and boy would be found dead in that hotel. Crimes of passion are real, in many countries they are a valid defense in court. It's only in passive America or wimpy England that we tell people to back off and wimp out. Frankly, if cheaters really understood the price they would pay, then perhaps we would have more faithful spouses.

So give it to her with both barrels. She's earned her punishment .

....I don't particularly like retrospects in fiction stories. I believe it is more appropriate to non-fiction but works in fiction if the actual total outcome remains hidden. I already feel the depression of another sad break-up and it hasn't even started yet. Don't telegraph anymore!

and there is always a but, isn't there? I enjoyed some of the expressions and the terms used and the set up has us on the edge of our seats. My only problem is that most writers on this site and two-thirds of those that comment can set up a tense situation that makes mens' blood boil. The husband is a great guy, loves the wife, is totally faithful, and suddenly discovers that the wife is APPARENTLY cheating on him and then ...end of chapter. Everyone loves it! Why do they love it? Besides being pretty well written in this case, it presents the ultimate betrayal with no resolution, so every reader has an idea where they want it to go. Some want to find out the husband misread the scenaio somehow. Some want to find that she cheated and he sells her into white slavery and plants half a ton of crack in the lover's car and he spends ten years in jail being raped by Bubba, and the rest want her to be able to somehow win his love back after her very brief walk on the dark side. By stopping at this juncture, you have given every LW fan what they crave, and done it well. As this develops in future chapters, commenters will begin to bail out as you have to show the wife either did or did not cheat and if she did, the husband did or did not toss her to the curb. I will be eagerly awaiting the next chapter, but the truth is, the set up is the easiest part to write and is this is pretty much by the numbers, with a certain flair of the author's what makes it better than many. The proof of the pudding is yet to come and we all look forward to that!

The opening of this story sets the stage for the wallowing in self pity by the protagonist that will most likely become the theme of this story. (i hope not). The fact that he does not call her back when he sees her in the car or when he is "desperately" searching for the Mercedes continues to spell out the enjoyment of his own self pity. I am very impressed with the writing skills of the author, the hot description of the sex and the great tension at the end of the first chapter. Look forward to other chapters.

Great build up!

Tell us more about her affair.

Thanks all!

My first draft of the story didn't contain many details about her affair. The first chapter gave an inkling at the reason, and it is a very common one (mid-life crisis). However, I will alter some later chapters to that effect even if the focus of the story (how the husband react and go on with his life) is more linked to the lies and betrayal of trust than to some sexual behavior.

Am I saying too much? ;-)

First, congratulations for have real guts. It takes a lot to write in the "Loving Wives" section. I enjoyed your story thus far. Listen to HDK, so when you story develops you will understand why at least half of your readers will not be pleased!

I have one minor grip though. Why do most authors have the guy go through such extremes of emotion for such a prolonged period of time? I can understand fighting back the tears, the gut wrenching, but it really should be for only a few minutes, at best. Most of these emotions are driven by our flight/fight mechanisms, which switches off pretty rapidly unless there is a lot of action going on (ie, combat). I felt that your description of his response was a little over the top. It actually is very hard to maintain a livid anger for any length of time. All too rapidly such strong emotions are replaced by more subtle ones, such as sorrow and/or anger.

Anyway, it's just a pet peeve.

Thanks,

Ttom

Well written. Serials are ok. We know from the opening scene that Kieran has been divorced for five years, so not much suspense there. The telling of this story will be how it is judged, not the suspense.

BTW, when you start kicking a Mercedes the alarm goes off, and a series of events is triggered.

well written so far . there are many ways you can go, that makes it all the more interesting. Read any negative comments but take them with a grain of salt. Constructive critisism can be good, but dont forget its your story. Write it the way you want to.

A very well written story so far. I'm very curious to see where you will take this tale?

If you take any longer between posts you will have to change your name to DQS1 !

I can't wait for the following chapters. Keep up the good work!!

Great first chapter, I've have been checking daily for chapter 2. Fingers crossed it is submitted soon, I can't wait to hear her justification - what's the bet it is "but honey it was only sex"!

I'd be happy to proof and edit your next chapter. I have a good bit of experience. See my profile for details

jj

The only thing that would have made it better is having the good Dr. X. Guttierez as the attending physician. Then the wimp could have kissed him when he made him all better.

By an outstanding Author ! This is one of those occurrences. And what a pleasant surprise. I could not tear my eyes off those stories until,at 3.30 AM, I nearly collapsed to bed. Superb !

I don't have enough superlatives to describe this Author. Thank you.

and my kids if they are mine. TK U MLJ LV NV

So he split. Wife is a cheating slut even if it was a goodbye fuck.

Bye bye bitch.

There are 6 more parts to this story. I haven't read them but you know he ends up with her.

Good first chapter. He saw what she was and he knew the marriage was over. How does he end it? We'll see...

What a great start. Can't wait to see what happens next. Five stars.

Didn't quite get this line...

"I know that I could deal with Eileen with another man, the same way she could deal with me and another woman. Been there, done that!"

caught by accident. TK U MLJ LV NV

I caught my own wife EXACTLY like that. We'd been married 4 years. Before we were married, she suddenly broke it off and started going out with another guy, using that old cliché, we need to see other people. I was heartbroken and threw myself into my job. A couple years later, she'd broken it off with the guy after he cheated on her and then took up with another guy after she sent out feelers to see if I'd be interested.

A year later, she dumped boyfriend number two after he beat on her a few times. Somehow, we ended up together and it was like she'd never dumped my ass. We were married after a year of dating and then 4 years later, the day before our anniversary, I saw her pull up in a car beside me. I was driving the company van and they were in the lane to my left. While I sat there, stunned, I watched as she leaned over (she was seated right next to him in an older thunderbird) and dragged his cock from his pants. I almost threw up when she leaned over and started sucking his cock which was fricking huge.

The light turned green and I followed them to a city park. They pulled under some trees and I pulled off to the side where they couldn't see me. Before I get to the car, they had already moved to the backseat and he was between her legs and pounding away. They'd left their windows down and I merely leaned in with my cellphone and snapped three pictures as fast as I could. In them, you saw him between her legs in the first, the second he'd pulled upward and away so you could see them both plainly looking at my phone and on the third his hard cock sticking straight up after he'd pulled out. It was the ex that had cheated on her.

She started to scream and cry and he was shouting at me. When there was a break in the noise, I casually mentioned not to come home, I would have her stuff boxed up and sent to her folks house. Then I turned and walked to my van, driving straight home. I'd only made it inside when the Thunderbird pulled up and my wife was dumped off and she raced for the door. I locked it and the garage doors and all the side doors. She had a key for only the front door and that had not only the safety catch locked, but I slid a chair under the knob. Then the screaming and pounding on the door started.

I got on the phone and called her folks, it was her dad that answer the phone. I told him he'd better get his ass over to our place and pick up his daughter before I did something we'd all regret. They lived only 15 minutes away and he was there in 12. By that time, I'd packed as many of her clothes and toiletries in black plastic bags and had them in the garage waiting.

Her dad came to the door where she was and I hollered from the kitchen window. He came over and I told him to put her in his truck and I'd open the garage and we could throw her shit in, because she no longer lived there. I suppose it was me calling her a cheating cunt when he understood what was going on and he forcibly picked her up and put her in the truck. I'm not sure what he said but she stayed inside, screaming and crying while we threw the bags of her crap in the back. I was formulating a plan as we did it. She continued to scream at me that we needed to talk but I ignored her and shook her dad's hand with all the sorrow on my face that I felt. When they pulled away I put my plan into action.

We didn't own our house and we had little for savings and no retirement. Our rental had a big back yard and I went to work. I dismantled everything from our kitchen table to the wooden bed frame and made a huge bonfire. All our pictures I threw on it along with anything else that I thought would burn, including our bedding. Then I went through the house and loaded everything I wanted from our marriage, which was only personal stuff, into my truck. I'd caught her at 1 pm and at 9 pm I was pulling out and away from that life. I left my cellphone and wedding ring on the kitchen counter and left the house unlocked.

Living in San Diego, I drove to Western North Dakota before looking for a job. I left our money in the bank but stopped at my boss's house and he cut me a check for what I was owed, including severance pay, saying I'd need it. We shook and I was out of town.

I live in my truck for five weeks while I found a job and got my first paycheck. It was pretty fair money, I'd worked in oil before. I found a nice place out of town, exactly what I was looking for. It was a single bedroom house sitting on twenty acres of land. I made a tentative deal to buy it and part of my rent went toward a down payment! After a year I signed papers and it was mine! With no bills, I was able to put most of my paycheck toward it and bought it outright in another year.

It was 2 1/2 years later before I ever drove back to San Diego to visit my folks. They knew I was working in oil but didn't know exactly where. They loved my wife and I was fearful they might tell her where I was. I really didn't want to ever see her again. When I pulled into their driveway, I was pleased to see them walk out and meet me and I was just hugging my mom when my whore wife stepped out of the house. They had her there waiting for me.

I pulled away from my mom and asked her what the hell she was doing there. Mom started crying and told me we could work it out, but it would take both of us. I guess my look said it all and I pulled my hands out of hers while my wife was walking toward me and doubled up my first and headed toward my wife. I wasn't going to hit her, but no one else knew it. My mom screamed, my dad hollered at me and the whore stood there like she was going to take it. That stopped me and I just turned, got into my new Jeep Rubicon and when I started it up and backed out, the whore and my wife were hugging and crying and my dad stood there with his shoulders slumped while he watched me pull out.

That was 5 years ago. I didn't talk to or try and contact my folks after that. They double crossed me and they didn't get a second chance. It wasn't until about 3 months ago that I heard anything. A PI contacted me and let me know I needed to call home, there was an emergency. Breaking down with curiosity, the PI wouldn't divulge anything, I called. My mom answered the phone and informed me my dad had died two week previous. That was tough, my dad and I had always been close.

I was enraged and blamed my mom for everything. She took it and when I was done, agreed it was her fault. I agreed to fly home and see dads resting place with her, the headstone would be done soon. When she picked me up at the airport she looked like she'd aged 50 years. She was a broken old woman. We drove directly to dad and I got to pay my respects and I'll tell you what, it was more emotional than I could have ever imagined.

After a few days at her place I found out my ex had moved in with her boyfriend she'd cheated on me with. They had two kids already and already he was cheating on her. She'd divorced me on the grounds I left her and it went through without me around. It was pretty cool, I saw her on the street one day before I headed home. She had her two little girls with her when we came face to face without a chance at avoidance. I smiled and greeted her politely and talked with her girls for a moment. I smile when I got ready to go and gave her one last parting shot.

"Those two little beauties should have been ours and we could have lived happily ever after."

I walked away and yet, I heard her crying behind me. But I left and never looked back.

This is not for likegoodwine, but anon. I like your outline, when are you going to finish your story?

One of the most nonsensical ever written. If you like that sort of thing read on!

I don't understand. She seemed happy for the first time in two years after their discussion and they made love all weekend, so why did she continue to cheat on him?

Great start but I will make a guess. Dumps her and then takes her back. Can feel it in the writing. Will gladly apologise if wrong.

This is truly in the top 10% of the most retarded RAAC typings posted on this site. In the end there is a complete personality reversal and ignoring of everything that's happened in the previous chapters, over a single page. I suppose that we should look for competent writing on Amazon, not LIT.

I wish the angry cucks here would at least apply their pet acronyms correctly. A life threatening injury is a reconciliation 'at all costs?'

Good god, you pinheads are sad. Try to think about what you say and not just squawk 'RAAC RAAC RAAC' like a mindless birdcall...

Ignore the bitter BTB anons, they are pathetic.

This is well written and very interesting. If you have any sense of proportion you will enjoy it.

Still five stars. Still love it. Probably my favorite of yours.

Pretty good writing of a truly shitty situation.

wherein the previously enraged, injured party rolls over and shows the yellow streak running up his back

The described position of Eileen and lover outside motel room does not square with her pushing him BACK toward room and into doorframe.

Her shoving him against railing and flipping him over railing does fit

I get really sick of reading you writers say, "I'm not a violent man, I couldn't hit anyone except in self defense"! BULL SHIT!!! I catch my wife cheating with a younger guy and I'm going to KILL THE BASTARD!!!!

Too late now Eileen. You are caught.

how old she feels now.

"I'm not a violent man " translates to "I'm a wimpy coward".

All women are lying, cheating sluts when they think they can get away with it.

Right here, it would never have dipprd below a 5 on anyones scale... too bad you did not!

the story turns into a RAAC.

Again. Great way to hook someone on a story.

I simply can't help it. I love the train wreck stories where the wife has strayed but still obviously loves her husband. The resulting emotional turmoil is by far and away the best hook for a story.

2.5*. THIS IS NOT A STORY, IT'S AN OUTLINE. A GOOD ONE, BUT ONLY AN OUTLINE.

RAAC ahead.

Wife is a backstabbing whore for years and after time and pathetic nothingness, they get back together because the wimp husband has no other options.

Gay shit. Good writing though.

Bet this wimp takes the whore back

⭐⭐⭐

Good start

I liked it, but didn't love it. You knew from the start she was going to "cuckold" him, as she was "feeling old" talking about retirement, and the divorce happening 5 years ago. In the next chapter she might even use the old standby's of I wanted to feel young again, or it was only once, or it was just sex, any of the other common excuses. Then she'll get the kids involved, and try to force a reconciliation. But going off what was said at the beginning, that didn't happen.

Sorry but you fore told too much of the story in the first 3 paragraphs.

unfinished

Why are all the cheated-upon guys wimpy?

so far it has been awful

Worthless! Just another heartless CUNT with a weak sissy coward husband pile of shit. No use in reading more of this Husband hating CUNT'S delusions.

Excellent story.