by rexspaulding
I've been reading your story from the first part, and oh goodness, its so amazing!! Excellent and very well thought-out developments!! Can't wait for the next part!!
Outstanding entry once again. The only hitch I can find is that they were abducted in broad daylight from what one would doubt to be her father's oh so simple home. For a bit it made me wonder about her part in this whole thing and whether she was what she at first seemed to be. Keep it up and allay my suspicions of your heroin!
Great story, don't keep us waiting Let have a great ending with the baddies rounded or dying in a shoot out or some ting similar and two young people in love living happily ever after.
PLEASE!!!!!
Your genius hero needs to figure out a way to be sure that the people who contact him really are FBI agents. Badges can be faked you know - - as can IDs.
His/their enemy appears to have enough wealth to control damn near any situation.
I'll be waiting with baited (;-) breath to see how you handle this. Maybe include her Father in the contact party??? (I can already think of how to get around that!)
Great job thus far. . .
ram
Another excellent chapter. Hmmm...a tracking system they put on her without her knowing? Hard to wait for the next chapter
I think the story is little confusing. Part 3 ending shows that Paul and Kat are in Kat's house and still how come they get caught by Edmond. Does this mean, the FBI agent's who are at Kat's home work for Edmond.?
By the way, the way you present the story and your way of writing is pretty awesome..
The plot and story line follows many twist and turns to keep the reader interested and reading.
The sex is great -- but I wonder... could Paul have a bit of chest hair for that exciting and muscular chest?
This is one of the best stories that I have read on this site. PLEASE KEEP WRITTING
Why do so series start well but turn into contrived James -Bond-wannabe messes? Awful.
I enjoyed this story up until part three. Then you ended it in a screwed up mess. Now this additional version is a rushed bunch of crap that makes no sense at all in parts. Please just stop now.
Keep up the great work. I can't wait for the next episode.
Don't listen to the naysayers. The story is very well written. Thank you!
This is a good story begin with until episode 4. In last part there are many things confused me. The owner of a fortune 500 company though lives in simple house how he has no security but so many goons are there? Maybe Macmohan has power, connection and a lot of criminals with him. But White should also have not less than that to protect his business, himself and his family.
So the conclusion I get is now White already defeated and under custody of Macmohan and Macmohan took over his business and everything. If not then the whole thing plotted by White himself. Don’t know yet that Kat is involved or not but until now there is no sign of it. Another thing I want to mention when Kat & Paul escaping they got horny. It is OK when they are relaxing in hotel at secure environment but at the time of escaping? They need to be more mature and serious about their situation.
Lastly it is a good story and hoping it can end as a great one.
I would hope that you do not get too dramatic and move it too far out of a very good and enjoyable writing.
I am enjoying this story and hope you continue on. I think its funny that prolonged debut10 says for you to stop this story when his stories are great, but completely batshit crazy.
We are all eagerly awaiting the next chapter don't keep us in suspense please.
Very well written, with just the right mix. Can't wait for the next chapter I feel like a kid at Christmas checking daily.
My God it just keeps getting better and better! And my desire for a full length book keeps getting stronger and stronger. I can't wait to see what you have in store for these two next. LOL...you make me wish I were rich...why? So I could bribe you into writing the book I want!
I can't believe the idiots criticizing your work. The story is wonderful and your leads are very appealing. It's been great - one more chapter to go.
You lost me on page two of this chapter. I was really enjoying it up to that point, but it got too ridiculous for my tastes. Adios!
you are using the name of his pitch man?
lame is too mild for this pseudo scientific mess
Unbelievable.
And if they really wanted to get the FBI, just telephone them with the burner phone. Or call Kat’s father. Or call the State Police. Not difficult.
Well written, poorly plotted.
Yeah, I really can't believe your idiotic critics who read this far along, just to still miss the point. He can't ise the burner phone to call her dad because his phones are tapped and can't call authorities because it will gps trace back to him quicker than the FBI can offer any actual help.
Anyhoo, I'm so thrilled you've continued this and I hope your cold didn't last too long. Thanks for sharing!!
Way too wordy, and then throw in the lame superhero type stuff and it just gets worse and worse. If you're going to write, you need to find an editor who will hold you back from the edge of the stupid cliff...