All Comments on 'A Thanksgiving Surprise Ch. 02'
by Nick54321
- 14 Comments
Captain_Fapulusover 8 years agoThis has got tone the hottest thanksgiving story I have ever read, and to think it's not even october. There a re a few mixed up letter but nothing too serious to break the flow. Speaking of the flow - you managed to picture the whole situation so real as I was sitting next to them. the siblings progression for each other was superb, the intermediate action with Rachel only fired them on and us, the competition between them serves as a great leeway for future endeavours and challenges, the parents don't intrude too much and kinda seem OK with the kids playing (wink wink) with each other, and the general atmosphere is superb.
The connection or rather the relationship the three share is something really special and I do hope your somehow keep them together as a three-way relationship. It would be a shame to break them up as the siblings finally found themselves where they wanted, Rachel is a great help in this plan, and since there is no animosity between them see great and fun future ahead.
The 5* were a given so take your time for the future shatters and read you then!
Red48beardover 8 years agoand now we can anticipate a wonderful extension of this adventure
well done!!!
motordaddyover 8 years agoI think there is a need for at least one more chapter and possibly more as I am sure the girls will visit again or the brother will change colleges.
Anonymousover 8 years agoOh WOW - so HOT and arousing ........ Matt now needs to do both girls at the same time......... they are working behind the scenes as it is, so do them good. Very well written and cannot wait for the next chapter, thank you !!
Anonymousover 8 years agoThis is a great story, only Thanksgiving holiday is in November and not October.
5874
Anonymousover 8 years agoBut took to long to get to bro/sis fuck especially with the ending! it was Rachel idea for her to wear corset so the girls planned for bro/sis to fuck
So why take 6 pages to get to the meat of story could of/should of been done from 1st time Rachel and him fucked
One thing that i really didn't like or get, kept referring to Will and Sara sometimes Dad & Mom
was a bit confusing,it read like there were another pair there Will and Sara but went back & apparently Will and Sara where DAD & MOM
Anonymousover 8 years agoCassie Screamed , Cassie Screamed, Cassie Screamed, Cassie Screamed.
Lets see that sums up how often you used that in the first 1/2 page.
It gets Phucking old fast. 2/5 was a 5/5 story
Anonymousover 8 years agoNot sure what the previous commentor is talking about but I didn't see that phrase anywhere in the first half page...anyways, LOVED the story and can't wait to read ch 03 when I have time!!! Good work!
irishmike73over 7 years agoDecent story. I do have a couple minor complaints which I hope you'll take as constructive criticisms.
1. Writing out the slurred speech of someone who is drunk is difficult to get right. Most struggle with this, even talented writers. It may be better to just say their speech is slurred, instead of trying to figure out how to spell the slurred words.
2. When trying to show a person is dragging out a word, make sure you do it by adding the correct letters in the correct place. The word godddd makes it look like she has a stuttering problem. Although, goooood looks like the word good dragged out. Not really sure how to deal with that one, but I think you get my point.
All in all I am enjoying your series, which I will now get back to.
Keep up the good work.
Mike
Nick54321@Nick54321
