A Town Without Honor Ch. 05

"And you're a frickin' genius, LuAnne."

"I am, aren't I? Kisses, sweetie. I'll let you know when we're ready to pull the trigger."

It was a much-needed break and distraction. It also reminded me that I didn't want to lose my music again. On the way back to the old house I stopped by Mom's place and picked up Dad's old guitar. The one I had learned on and had played all those years ago. It felt good in my hands.

I was keeping a promise to myself, playing The House at Pooh Corner for little Marie and Billy. She appeared enthralled, reminding me so much of her mother it hurt. I was finishing up the last verse when the call came in.

"More, Daddy!" she squealed, laughing.

"I have to make a phone call, Precious. We'll play later."

The PI had news. Remarkable news.

"How'd you get this?" I asked.

"I can't go into details. I have a guy on the inside at her cell phone carrier. He was able to trace her calls and geolocate her call locations. Thankfully, she never got rid of her phone, even if she did block calls from everyone she knows."

"How soon until I have that information?"

"I'm emailing it now."

As soon as I saw the locations of her calls, I knew it was valid information, and it was time to bring the parents in.

It only took a minute to explain what I'd found.

"These locations mean something to you?" Dad asked.

"They do. She's following the path I took when I first left. The last call was at Front Royal. She should be hiking through Shenandoah Park right now."

"What are you going to do?"

"Go get her, of course."

* * *

I didn't leave immediately. I got a little sleep and left at four in the morning, so I'd be rested for the upcoming ordeal. I also wanted to avoid the city traffic. It was a seven-hour trip, including a stop at REI to pick up some gear in case I guessed wrong about where she'd be on the trail.

A stripped down Osprey Exos pack, Ultra-Sil tarp with matching bug tent, Rumpl down blanket, and NeoAir XLite pad, along with a few small essentials, gave me all I needed to survive a few days on the trail. At under six pounds total, my gear was light enough that I could jog with it. No extra clothing except a spare pair of sock, virtually no amenities, and no cook set. I'd live on energy bars and trail mix.

Guessing she'd manage about 20-25 miles a day at best, I had a rough idea where she should be. I parked twenty miles past the furthest I figured she may have traveled and headed up the trail in the opposite direction with my fingers crossed. My only concern was the weather. There was a fifty-fifty chance of a rain storm, and I wasn't dressed or geared up for it. My Patagonia Houdini windbreaker weighed almost nothing and was just about that good against anything but a light drizzle. I still loved it, one of the few items I kept after my initial hike.

Before I headed up the trail, I texted Jane. I let her know I might be out of touch for a couple of days, but I'd catch her up. Then I called Beth's parents and let them know I was on the trail. They sounded anxious, to no surprise. I even got a couple of minutes in talking to the kids. Then I took off.

I was setting a hard pace, occasionally jogging. I was familiar with the trail and what I could do. As I was, fresh, with superlight gear, I knew I could put in a good forty miles in a day if I had to.

I was afraid I'd guessed wrong about where she was, with the daylight starting to fade. Instead, I almost literally ran into her. I knew her instantly, even if she didn't recognize me at first. Her head was down, staring at the ground in front of her, and she was trudging along slowly, carrying a pack that was way too big. A couple of young bearded guys were pacing her, trying to talk to her, which she appeared to be ignoring.

Standing stock still, I waited while she walked toward me, hunched over, head bent, each step an arduous task. She was only a yard away when I figure my feet appeared in her limited vision. She made a step to go around when I side-stepped to stay in front of her.

One of the bozos hoping to get lucky spoke. "Dude, move."

Beth finally looked up, and I wish to God I had a camera at that moment.

She gasped, jerking backward, taking three quick tiny steps before losing her balance and landing on her ass. "Honor!" she shrieked before collapsing.

Now I don't know what the guys were thinking, but I'll give them some credit. They tried to come to her aid. One stepped in front of me, hands raised, while the other guy tried to help Beth up, pulling on her pack. That part wasn't going too well.

"Guys, thanks for the escort, but I've got it from here," I said.

"Says who?" mouthed the kid in front of me. Obviously not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

"Says me, her husband. Father of her two kids."

The guys didn't look a hundred percent convinced but turned toward Beth for confirmation. I figure it could have gone haywire if she denied me. She was still sitting on her ass when she turned to the guys. "Thank you, but I'm fine now," she said.

They were mumbling at their lost opportunity when I reached down and pulled the monstrosity of a pack off of Beth's back.

"How ... how did you find me?" she asked.

"Jesus, BB. You've been mine for twenty-five years. Did you really think you could hide from me?"

She sat there, speechless, while I adjusted the straps on my little pack to fit her, before lengthening the straps on her pack.

I almost stumbled when I put on her backpack. Damn if that thing didn't weigh at least forty or fifty pounds. We'd be doing something about that shortly. With her pack in place and adjusted well enough for the moment, I gave her a hand up.

She was slow to take my hand. "I can't believe you're here," she whispered. "I'm not dreaming, am I?"

"No, BB, you're not dreaming." I brushed off her seat and helped her put on the pack I'd been carrying. You could see her face light up. "This one doesn't weigh anything!"

It was the closest I'd been to her in a long time, adjusting her waist belt, shoulder straps, load lifters and sternum strap. It put me closer to her than I felt comfortable with.

"Let's go, BB. We need to find a place to camp. We have a long march ahead of us tomorrow."

It only took about fifteen minutes to find a suitable location. We had hiked in silence even when Beth stepped up beside me and put her hand in mine. Not the smartest thing, with both of us using hiking poles. I wasn't going to put up a fuss. I didn't want her taking off on me.

"Relax," I told her. "Let me get us set up for the night. Then if you want to talk we can. We don't have to. We'll have plenty of time to talk tomorrow."

She took me at my word, sitting on a log and watching me.

"I need to call your parents. They're worried sick. Do you want to talk to them?"

She shook her head.

Her mother answered the phone. "Honor! Where are you, have you found her?"

"I'm on the trail and Beth is here with me. We're setting up camp for the night. It'll probably take a day and a half to get back to the truck, then another seven-plus hours to get back."

"How is she? Is she alright? Did she say anything?" her father asked, and I realized they were on speaker phone.

"She's fine, but worn out. It's a strenuous hike, especially at the beginning which is all uphill. We haven't had a chance to really talk yet. My phone is low on juice, and I don't have a way to recharge it, so I probably won't call until we get back to the truck. Just know that she's healthy, safe, and with me."

"Can we talk to her?"

I glanced over at BB who was watching me intently. She shook her head.

"She's not ready yet. When we get off the trail, alright?"

Her mother's voice cracked. "Tell her we love her. Hurry home."

"I'll do that Mrs. D. Trust that I'll get her back safe and sound."

"Promise, Honor. Promise me," Mrs. D said.

"I promise."

"Good. Now hurry back. We love you both."

"We love you too."

Beth had been oddly quiet through it all and just watched as I put away the phone and went to work in the dying daylight.

I slowly emptied the inside of her pack, wondering who the hell advised her on what to carry. She had everything but the kitchen sink. I started piling all the useless crap to one side while going through her gear.

Her sleeping pad was a full size inflatable, probably three or four pounds. Her sleeping bag was huge, a full-size Coleman sleeping bag, another five. She had one of those dome tents with the crisscrossing poles and fly. Hell, her big three had to weigh at least 20 pounds. I figured she'd probably done her shopping at a Wal-Mart or Target.

As far as I was concerned, we wouldn't be carrying any of that crap with us the following day. Alright, maybe the sleeping bag, since we didn't have much of an alternative.

When I was done examining and sorting her gear, there was a tiny pile of stuff to keep, and a huge pile of junk to get rid of.

I kept expecting her to say something, but she was dead silent.

I erected my bug shelter and put up the tarp over it; it still looked like a possibility of rain. Then I put her pad and mine inside, along with our sleeping bags. The rest of her gear, except for a rain jacket, half her toiletries, and her food went back into her pack. I emptied her three-liter hydration bag into my Platypus bag and water bottle.

Her boy-scout cook set and Coleman propane stove would get one last use. We might as well eat well since she'd been carrying fifteen pounds of food with her.

"Chili Mac, Lasagna, or Beef Stew?" I asked her.

"Stew," she answered softly.

Good. I preferred the Mountain House Chili Mac. It was actually pretty good for freeze dried instant. I got the water boiling and filled the bags. A few minutes later we were eating side-by-side.

"You hiked this whole trail?" she asked out of the blue. "I don't think I was going to make it one more day. My feet are killing me."

"We'd planned on making this trip for years. I studied and knew how I was going to do it, how we were going to do it. What gear we would take, what we'd need to do to prepare. You went at it half-assed with terrible equipment."

"I asked the guys at the store to help me," she said.

"I'm sure you did. They were idiots and wanted to sell you as much as possible. My base weight when I hiked this trail was less than nine pounds. Your pack and tent alone weighed more than everything I carried. We'll dump all your gear tomorrow. You won't need any of that stuff until we get back to the car.

"Take off your shoes so I can see how your feet are."

She put her food bag to the side and unlaced her boots. I knelt at her feet and removed her socks. Cotton socks. Foolish. The blisters weren't too bad, considering.

I opened the pre-packaged medical kit someone had convinced her to buy. It might actually prove useful. I found the right size moleskin and bandaged her up. "Let it air out tonight. We'll put new ones on tomorrow."

"I'm sorry," she blurted.

"It's not a big deal. Lots of people get blisters when they first start out."

"No, Honor. I'm sorry about everything. I messed everything up."

Yes, she did. "Let's not talk about that yet, alright?"

"Okay."

"Good. Let's clean up and get some sleep. We have a long ways to go tomorrow."

Let's face it. Ultralight gear may be lightweight, but it's never spacious. We were packed in pretty tightly inside the bug tent. We weren't in there five minutes before she was crawling my way.

"BB," I said, a warning in my voice.

"Please, Honor."

I sighed and opened the side of my sleeping quilt. Beth snuggled in, and I lifted my arm, allowing her to come closer. "I love you, Honor," she whispered.

"I know, BB. I love you too."

She started kissing me, and I gave her a squeeze. "No baby. Not now, not here, not tonight. We're not ready for that. Not even close."

"Can I have a goodnight kiss?"

Foolishly, I allowed her to kiss me and responded. And responded. After a few minutes, I couldn't help but recall our first night sleeping together. Kissing and no more.

The kisses slowly receded, ending with a few last pecks. In spite of her transgressions, this was the woman I'd loved all my life. It was hard to let that go.

"Do we have a chance?" she whispered, her hands running over my body.

"Probably not. I'm sorry. There's too many lies, too many betrayals, too much deception."

"I'm really sorry. I know I screwed up, but I'll make it up to you if you give me half a chance. You have to know I love you."

"I know. We'll talk tomorrow. Now's not the time."

I awoke a couple of times in the night, always with BB clinging to me like I might escape. I'd missed that. I didn't miss remembering why we'd been apart.

When the light of dawn broke through, I managed to escape her clutches. I started coffee and breakfast with the last of her weighty food. After this morning we wouldn't have a stove.

A worn out BB climbed out of the tent wearing panties and a t-shirt. I can't deny she looked as good as ever.

"Coffee?" she asked.

"Hot and ready. Breakfast will be ready in about five minutes. I'll take care of your feet after we eat."

While the water for the oatmeal heated, I deflated the pads, rolled up the sleeping gear and broke down the tent. We ate in quiet, and while Beth did her morning business, I finished packing up my gear. Her pad and sleeping bag easily doubled the weight of my pack. It was packed so full I had to strap her pad to the outside.

By the time BB had returned and dressed, the camp was done. I bandaged her feet and helped her with her boots.

"Why is my stuff on your pack?" she asked.

"We're only going to carry one from this point on. We don't need 90% of the gear you brought."

She shook her head and started digging into the side pockets of her pack. "Ta-Da!" she crowed, waving a small nylon package.

"What's that?" I asked.

"A portable day pack," she said proudly.

"You brought two packs?" Unbelievable.

"The guys at the store said it would be useful when you went into town if you didn't want to bring the big one."

I could only shake my head at their logic.

"I can help. I can at least carry my sleeping bag."

I wasn't going to argue. I gave her the sleeping bag and watched Beth pick through her old pack for a few more items before she was satisfied. The little day pack wouldn't weight anything, but it didn't have a frame either, so it wouldn't be as comfortable or distribute the weight as well as mine. I figured the whole thing wouldn't weigh five pounds. Mine probably wasn't more than 12 to 14 even with the food and her pad.

"I'm not looking forward to this," she said. "I thought the hike would be fun. The only good part of it so far has been you."

"It won't be nearly as bad without you trying to carry half of your body weight on your back. As long as your blisters don't cause too much trouble."

We hiked back to the trail and left her big pack on the side with a note that said "Free." It wasn't the best trail etiquette, but I figured someone could use most of it. After that, we headed up the trail with me carrying all the gear, and BB tentatively trekking along in front of me at the best pace she could manage.

It was a rough march. Not physically so much, but emotionally. I confronted her on the issues and what I'd learned from Dale.

"Drugs, BB?"

"I'm not proud of that. It was just pot. I don't know how Fred talked me into it. I guess I was curious and bored."

"Just pot? What about the coke, the ecstasy and whatever other shit you were doing?"

"Ecstasy? I didn't do anything but the coke once. Once was more than enough not to want to do that again," she said. "I know it was stupid, but I'm not addicted or anything."

"Not a great argument. If you were addicted, that might explain going back to Fred over and over again."

"It wasn't like that," she said.

I laughed. "Straight out of the cheater's handbook. Why, BB? Why would you go back to him after the first time? One time, and maybe we could have overlooked it. But over and over again? Months of fucking around."

"I don't know. I trusted him, Honor. He was our friend. Even after that first screw up, I believed him. I believed it was a mistake and that he was as messed up as I was. I had no idea why I gave into him a second time. I guess if he gave me drugs I didn't know about, that might be part of it. I swear, Honor, if I did anything other than pot, I didn't know about it."

She slowed down, and I could see she was crying. "He ... he did bad things to me, Honor, and I liked it. Maybe it was the drugs. God, I hope it was the drugs. He had pictures of the second time. He never outright blackmailed me, but he hinted at it. He was a real bastard."

She stopped, turning to look at me. "I couldn't do it with that ass unless I was drunk and high as a kite. My therapist gave me a lot of reasons for fucking up as bad as I did. My hormones were out of whack after having Billy. I was upset that you kept working longer and longer hours, even after you had two kids at home. I'd never been with anyone but you. I was feeling unappreciated, and I was wasting all that education to stay home. I was pissed that your damn business was more important than your family and me."

"Jesus, BB!"

"I know, Honor. I know. It's just so much bullshit. There's no excuse in the world for what I did. Not for putting myself in a position to be taken advantage of that first time. Not for letting him get me the second time. Certainly not for falling for his bullshit when you went to China."

She turned and started marching away faster than ever. I had to work to keep up with her.

"I'm such a fucking idiot!" she snapped. "Having him over to end things, God that was so stupid!" She was stomping like she wanted to put her feet six inches in the ground. "I knew what would probably happen. I'm a fucking idiot. I wanted to get high. Even after the best birthday ever, I just wanted to get high. One last time I told myself."

I waited to see if she had anything else to say, but she just trudged along in silence. It was a few minutes before I was willing to interrupt the silence.

"Tell me about Dale."

"Dale. That stupid asswipe. The first time I didn't even know he was there. Fred had invited him without me knowing. I didn't even know that Dale was screwing me from behind until Fred was standing in front of me. I pitched a fit, but they held me in place and kept taking turns on me.

"I ... I'm ashamed. I guess I got into it. Maybe he did drug me; it was all so dreamlike. But I can't deny it was good. Hell, it was great, mind blowing. It was like I was on fire. I was one huge raw nerve. I never expected it, that's for damn sure. I didn't want it, but once they got me going, I couldn't stop. I'm so sorry, Honor. I swear I didn't want it and wish I had never done it."

"That makes two of us. I wish you had never done it. I wish to hell I hadn't seen it with my own two eyes. You'll never know how devastating that was. I swear I died, right then and there. My heart and soul shriveled up to nothing."

There was more I wanted to ask, but I was too irritated to go on. So I shut up.

She didn't give me any more lame excuses. We hiked along in silence for a good half hour before I broached the latest issue.

"What were you thinking, BB? Running off and abandoning our kids?"

"Like you have room to talk. You disappeared for months. Hell, you weren't much of a father for the last couple of years. I tried, Honor. I tried to be the super wife. Raise your kids, keep your home, be the socialite. I even tried to keep that damn company alive, but I couldn't anymore. I just couldn't."

She had some fair points. I didn't want to argue with her; I just needed to understand. "I know it's been difficult, BB—"