All Comments on 'A Trip Gone Right'

You overwhelmed us with a confusing list of names, some of which weren't even COMING on the trip! If I need to go back and check people off a list, or jot down people's names to keep them straight, that's too many fucking people.

And that was just the FIRST thing I discovered I disliked about your story. By a few more paragraphs in, I realized you couldn't write very clearly about just about ANYTHING. It seems to be your "style" of writing to use unnecessarily convoluted sentence structure when a much simpler style would easily suffice.

And it was at about this point I realized I'd done nothing to warrant punishing myself by FORCING myself to read any further. So I cut my losses and bailed on this Cleveland Steamer of a "story".

I wish we could vote ZERO!

Previous Anonymous and Epiphany_Jones postings were right on the money.

Why is the story in Incest/Taboo category? Didn't read any of the characters were related. Cheating or spouse sharing is not taboo! It should be in LW?

Couldn't get through the names in the first6 paragraph or so.

Did you go back and re-read what you wrote? I couldn't make it half way through the first page before I was so confused that I just had to give up.

After saying that, I do applaud you putting yourself out there and making the attempt. I would implore you to have someone read over any further possible writings before submitting them. This site has several volunteer editors that are happy to help a writer out.

Comments by both ogiano and Epiphany_Jones are spot on. THis was way too hard to read, or make any real sense of. And reading a story should not involve the reader taking notes!!!

Try again. Use an editor this time. And maybe a proof reader. You seem to need both.

But by the end of the first paragraph, I knew this was going to be too hard to follow. You can't introduce this many characters all at one time and expect your readers to keep them straight. Too many unimportant details to digest, just to find out who is going on the trip. I was sure that the rest of the story was follow the same pattern, and decided to move on.

There is no mention of how they are related at all. So as incest it's a no go. No incest then it's not worth a lot. Incest is Literotica's number 1 category of interest.

Wrong category, and there is no improvement from previous entries. Wrong words, spelling, grammar....

With just a little attention to details this could have been great. Have at least one person, preferably more, read your work before you publish.

Word salad. Proof read, then have someone else proof read, then have someone edit.