All Comments on 'A True Slave Daughter Ch. 01'

Yes it was little pedestrian in the concept but you handled it fairly well, the characters have been established and it is your job to continue the story and to build the interest. Good luck I hope it works out the way you want it to.

I can tell you're not a native English speaker, you should try and find an editor to assist you with the grammatical mistakes.

The flow of the story took a beating (no pun intended) because of the various language issues, and would have flowed a lot better if they were not there.

Good work though!

I agree, you should have someone proof your stories. It was very good though. I can't wait to read more!

I liked it, good job. I hope for more with these two.

I hope to read more and see how there lives play out

Very good work.

Please, write another similar story "a true slave mother", son master mom slave.

The premise is good. The message is clear but required too much effort to get past the mistakes in presentation. Get an editor for any other stories and your scores will improve.

Excessive deep throat after excessive hard anal sex.

Please continue.

An excellent start, now train her and show her the true meaning of obedience.

Rushed and no proper build-up.

I really like the idea of this story, but like others have said I feel it was a little rushed. However, I would still like to read more.

Nice start to a possible great storyline. Add a few more chapters to this one and be very detailed in presentation.

I want to see her trained as only a true pain slut daughter can be trained. She needs to be spanked and paddled and whipped and caned. I can hardly wait.

Düşünce ve girizgah, altyapı için gerekti, doğru...Belki yazıya, doğrudan buluşmadan başlansa ve bunlar araya birer 'fact' olarak değil de yumuşak geçişlerle serpiştirilseler, daha yoğun bir akıcılık sağlanabilirdi. Geçiş için gidişat zorlanılmış gibi geldi, ancak nihayetinde 'olağan'dan bahsetmiyoruz, özü zorlama.

Anadilinde yazmadığın anlaşılabiliyor bu arada, buna rağmen kulağını çok da tırmalamıyor okuyanın.

Tokatla mesaj arasındaki anlatımına bayıldım, keskin ve net, tek bir hamle ve sonuç; "Sen ve ben arasında geçecek bir başlangıç da böylesi anlatılırdı" denecek kadar göz alıcı, keşke ensest olmasaydı diye düşündürtecek kadar rahatsız edici.

Not bad, at all. É preciso trabalhar mais o caracter das personagens. How the daughter looks? Sabemos o que ela veste, mas não como ela é! Don't rush it, take your (and ours) time. Don't focus tooo much in sex scenes. HÁ VIDA PARA ALÉM DO SEXO!

bilingue: english_portuguese

This is a good story even with the cane marks.

The last text from the slave was amazing

Anyone can regurgitate a lame story about beating a hot daughter senseless. But you have a gift. Keep composing them - draw on your own dark side. Some day, many chapters down the road from here, Karen may indeed, beg Daddy to torture her luscious body and take her to a new level of erotic pain. But for now...this is where she would be and exactly what they both need so fucking badly.

I very much Ed liked reading your story and I’m definitely going to read more of your stories.

if any girls want real fun.

whtsap me

7599563218

Boiled down delicious.

What a poor story. You MUST be american.

Loving this story and already looking forward to future installments. Thank you