All Comments on 'A Valentine's Date Ch. 01'

even though this was written quite well, why did Jacqueline keep referring to herself in a third person? other than that it was quite good and as for which direction you should go I would just go where it takes you, except for having Jacqueline kept from referring to herself as a 3rd person, but this is just my opinion

The story gave me a few chuckles, mainly at Jacqueline's pretentiousness in referring to herself in the third person like some very minor European royalty. How accurate a picture of the fashion world the story is I don't know but it certainly seemed to ring true considering the grandiose excesses of some real-life fashionistas. It was topped off by the nice twist in the middle when 'Jackie' suddenly lapsed into Brooklynese. An amusing romp.

I think you have captured the flavor and hectic nature of the fashion industry very well; the need to project a "persona" is usually not spoken of but is prevalent in the high paced business world often requiring that the one projecting can have some form of release. I think you have provided this admirably and would suggest that you continue with the story without any divergence from your original plan. I will be looking forward to your next chapter.

Your first chapter is very good and I loved the character development. Just one thing though: please read through your draft before submitting. This way you will find that you use words in the wrong place. Okay it is easy to read through it but it does take some of the pleasure away. Five Stars wish I could award six

Please, more. I have a feeling you will be developing the characters even further so I am looking forward to the next chapter. Not too long I hope.

Where were you all in school when grammar was covered, behind the door? Lol!

"J" uses the royal "we", "us" & "our", first person plural not third person.

Fun start to an entertaining story. Five stars.

What, no Ritz? Or Claridge's?

A fun story