A Vision of God

It was shortly after dinner and my parents were in the sitting room reading scripture. Normally at that time I would sit and listen to my Father read while I wrapped items for sale at the next market-day. Joseph would normally whittle or do some other minor hand craft.

"Joseph," I said when we were all in the room, "today when I was in the barn, I noticed a few places where the boards have begun to rot." Maintenance of the barn was my brother's duty.

"What is that?" my father said severely. He did not need to see anything else. He didn't even look up from the Bible. Instead my brother spoke.

"Well Anna, show me where you saw it," Joseph said, getting up from his chair. We walked out to the barn together. When we got inside and lit a few lanterns, Joseph looked around curiously.

"Where are the rotten boards?" he asked earnestly. I smiled a little; I hadn't realized that my ruse would be so successful not just with my parents but also with my brother.

"Joseph, don't be daft," I said, playfully smacking him on the arm. I felt his muscles under my hand wondered why I noticed that, "I just told you something was wrong so we could talk about something."

"Good God Anna!" Joseph said, allowing himself a small bit of blasphemy, "We take enough risk on Market Day when we are supposed to be in the barn together for a long time." He looked very angry and I knew that he was right.

"I know, I am sorry," I said, sighing deeply because I felt bad for making him nervous. But when he saw the look on my face, he read it without me having to say anything more. He understood me so well that his expression softened and he immediately sat down on an old bucket.

"Well we are already here," he said, "What did you want to talk about?" he asked. And then I realized that I had absolutely no idea how to begin. But I also knew that we didn't have a lot of time. Father would expect us back before too long. Joseph looked at me expectantly; I decided to just jump into it.

"Joseph, I read some of the papers you gave me," I started slowly.

"Yes...?" he said, looking anxiously towards the door. I had to go faster.

"First. I love them. It is amazing! I've never seen or read anything so beautiful in my life. It was incredible," I gushed, "Thank you so much." He smiled sheepishly.

"You already thanked me when you got it," he said, blushing and not making eye contact. I knew that I had to push on. I had to find about the man's body. I needed to know why it made me feel so strange. And why my brother was suddenly making me feel so strange.

"Well, at one point there was a depiction of a man and...well he was not wearing a shirt. In fact, he wasn't wearing anything but very tight short pants," I explained and Joseph nodded knowingly.

"Yes, the Outsiders often dress... scandalously. It can be hard to maintain purity when you see it. God often tests us," he explained. I was happy that he understood the temptations I felt, but I had to go farther. I had to explain what I was thinking.

"Yes. But it is more than that. His body was so...different than my own. He was hard in places where I was soft and straight in places where I curve. I had no idea what a man's body looks like. And between his legs there was a...bulge in his shorts. It did not look like he was keeping something there. It looked like it was... part of him," I said nervously. Now Joseph looked at me quizzically.

"What do you mean a bulge? You mean other than his privates?" he asked.

"What do you mean 'other than his privates'? Privates aren't supposed to bulge! They are just..." I said, then blushing as I was talking about something so dirty and wrong. Joseph felt uncomfortable too. But we were both very curious now. We were clearly talking past one another. I wondered. As I noted before, I knew from our clothes that a man's body was different than a woman's body, at least in the chest. My brother had broader shoulders and me and no breasts. But maybe other parts were different as well. I always wore big dresses and the men always wore baggy long pants. Maybe the bulge was just a difference in bodies. A fascinating difference.

"You know, sometimes women will walk by on market day," Joseph explained slowly, "And they will wear very right short pants. And I noticed that they looked, sort of different, between there legs. But I never really thought much of it" I felt a strange pang of jealousy when I thought about Joseph looking at other girls. At first, I assumed I was just jealous that he got to see other people. But I wondered, if maybe, I was jealous that he was looking at someone other than me. Why should I think that? I shook that feeling off. I knew what I wanted to find out about and I knew that the only way to learn was by asking.

"Joseph, what do you look like with your clothes off?" I asked simply. In all my life that question had never occurred to me before I saw the magazine. Now I needed to know. Joseph sputtered and blushed. I smiled at him, his reaction was cute.

"Anna, even talking about that sort of thing is a sin! God has already heard it!" he said, and I almost thought he would drop on his knees then and pray for me. I shook my head.

"No, I don't think that it is a sin. Maybe looking at the magazine, or you looking at women at the market is sinful," I said, really emphasizing that last part, "But you have heard Father explain the limitations on contact between men and women. And what he says is based on what he learns at church. A woman is not supposed to see or be seen by any men, except her father, her husband, her son, or her brother. You are my brother, so it isn't a sin to wonder what you look like. All of you," I explained.

"No but any talk of nakedness is a sin," Joseph said resisting. But I saw the way his eyes were hovering over my body, he was just as curious as I was. He just needed time to soak in what I was suggesting.

"Joseph, I know that it is a sin. But Jesus said that to sin in your heart is as evil as sinning with actions. I have already thought about it. I have already committed a sin. And I feel sorry. But I am also curious. I know that knowledge is evil and perhaps it is because I am a woman that it is natural for me to want more. But Joseph you brought me The Apple, so are you not the Eve in our house? You brought knowledge; I am just trying to make sense of it. Maybe, we can just look at one another, in our nakedness, and then we won't be curious anymore. Then we can sincerely apologize to God for our sin and, because we have already satisfied our need, we will no longer have the sinful curiosity. I fear that if I do not commit this one great transgression, then every day from now on I will commit a smaller sin in my heart. And I think, in the long run, that is worse," I meant every word that I said. I knew that Joseph could hear the honesty in my voice and he considered my appeal.

"Anna, I am curious too," he said finally, "I see these women on market days and I think about their bodies. I can't help it." He said and I simmered in jealousy, "But more than that, I compare their bodies to yours. Or, what I wonder about you. I see their legs and wonder what your legs look like. I see their arms and wonder what your arms look like. I see... I see other parts of them and wonder. I wonder about you. But I don't know that it is safe to do this. Father might see us, or Mother. And God will see us." He explained.

I was somehow touched by what my brother had said. Both in that he compared other women to me and also in that he was trying to protect me from retribution. Divine or otherwise. I got up and walked over to the door and quietly closed it. I walked back over to my brother.

"I cannot control what you will do," I said slowly, watching his eyes to see what he'd think, "But I will show you my body first. There is no sin in that for you, I have closed you in. Then, whatever you decide, I will accept." I explained. Both of us knew that Joseph could easily stand up and walk out, that if he chose to sit and watch me disrobe that he was as guilty as I was of a sin, but I think it was just enough of a cushion to allow Joseph to nod his head slightly.

Joseph was still sitting on the old bucket and I was standing just a few feet in front of him. I didn't really know where to start. But I wanted desperately to show my body to my brother. I thought of those women he looked at and I wanted him to find my body more agreeable, more attractive, than theirs. I realized the easiest thing to remove was my bonnet. I untied the bow around my chin and place the bonnet gently on the hood of the truck. Then I reached into my hair and removed the pins holding it in place. I shook my head and let my long chestnut hair cascade down my back. I looked over at Joseph, his eyes were wide and he was not moving.

"Do you like my hair?" I asked nervously. No man had seen my hair since I was a very little girl. He looked at it longingly.

"Yours is the loveliest hair I have ever seen, it is so long and it shines beautifully," Joseph said as though he were in awe. I giggled and hid my face in my hands. I felt so odd, my stomach was full of butterflies and I felt the same tension I'd felt the night before. My loins ached and my breathing was shallow. I wondered what it meant but I pushed on.

"Thank you," I barely whispered. Then I reached behind my back and carefully reached for my zipper. It took a little contorting but soon I found it and slowly unzipped the back of my dress down. My dress became looser and hung off of my body now. But I was still completely covered. The next step would change that. I thought for a moment about what God would think of this and whether I was committing a greater sin now than I'd ever committed before. But all I felt was love, and an extreme desire to share my body with my brother. I wouldn't stop now.

I slipped my arms out of the long, loose sleeves of my dress, letting the fabric that covered my breasts and stomach flop forward. I was too nervous to look at my brother; I just looked down at my bare breasts and flat stomach. Next I grabbed the waist band of my dress and pushed it off of my hips. The dress slid down my legs and pooled on the floor of the barn. The barn was dirty so I quickly stepped out of my dress (still wearing my shoes) and then carefully lifted my dress and placed it on the hood of the truck. Only then did I look over at my brother.

I knew, generally, what he was looking at. He saw my long, dark hair draped over my shoulders, slightly obscuring my breasts and my shoulders. Her saw my long, thin arms held gently to my side. He saw the swell of my breasts and the way my body tapered down to my hips. Then he saw the swell of my hips, before my legs tapered down to my little feet. Her saw my round, pink nipples and the hot red gash between my legs. A gash that was glistening from those juices it continued to mysteriously make as I was excited.

I looked at my brother now. He looked frozen onto his little seat, except for his eyes. They flittered around all over my body, drinking me in. I should have felt bad, I should have felt naked, and I should have felt ashamed. But I didn't feel any of those things. I felt exalted and somehow wanted. It was a lovely and selfish feeling. But it was more than that, I could tell that my brother was enjoying my body; I was sharing it with him. And that made it more than selfish; it made my nakedness a gift.

"Your body," Joseph said after a long bout of silence, "It is so...different. It is so soft and curvy..." He tried to grasp what made it so different and wonderful in his eyes, but he could not. We lacked the words to describe what we felt, but we felt it all the same. Joseph stood up and took a step closer to me. He sort of froze, just looking at me. The raw emotion on his face made me smile.

"I am glad you like it," I said. I saw that his eyes were mostly fixed on the area between my legs and also my breasts. Of course, those were the parts of my body that were apparently different from his; it was natural that they'd be the most interesting. I reached forward and took Joseph's hand. I knew that he was curious, and I also ached for him to share my body by touching it. He almost pulled away at first, nervous to touch me while I was naked, knowing that somehow it was a sin. But he was too interested to pull away completely. I took his hand and gently placed it on my breast.

I felt his hard, calloused fingers on my breast, his palm pressed against my nipples and I whimpered a little. What was this about my breasts all of the sudden? They had never been so sensitive before. But I wasn't worried, the feeling was wonderful. I looked into my brother's eyes while he gently squeezed and played with my breast. I felt the inside of my legs grow wetter as he fondled me. I could even smell the delicate aroma of my private area and I could tell Joseph could as well. I saw him glance down more than once between my legs as he played with my breast.

"You could touch that too," I said, barely above a whisper, I bit my lower lip and felt Joseph squeeze my breast a little tighter.

"I don't know," he said, looking around uncertainly.

"Please," I said. I needed his hands on me. And I wanted to know if the feeling I'd felt alone, the night before, in my bed, would be even more special if I could make it happen with my brother. He didn't hesitate. He kept him hand on my breast, but his other hand moved between my legs. I spread my legs a bit, to give him access. Then I felt his strong fingers press against my clit and slide through my juices. I moaned quietly and then bit my lip to keep from making noise. Joseph's fingers swirled around my wet opening, feeling me gently. I felt a building tension inside of me, more familiar now.

Then, surprisingly, I felt the very tip of Joseph's finger slip inside of my body. I shuddered and gasped. Then I started to pitch forward. The sensation was so unexpected. And so intense. I felt weak. Joseph's hands moved away from my body, but he caught me as I started to slip. I looked into his eyes and saw concern and love there shining through.

"Are you okay Anna?" he asked, "Did I heart you?"

"I am perfect," I whispered, "I've never felt better."

Then I quickly leaned forward and planted a kiss on my brother's lips. I don't know why I did it. It didn't really make sense, but it was an uncontrollable urge. We'd been kissing a little bit for weeks now, but this was entirely different. There was too much excitement in the air, too much new territory for a chaste little peck. My lips pressed hard against my brother's lips. At first he seemed surprised, he hadn't been expecting that. But soon I felt his body react to mine. In a moment, I felt his arms wrap around me, pressing my naked body against his clothes. The roughness of the material and the surprise I felt sent a delightful chill through my body. Our kiss became more passionate. I opened my mouth to mouth and suddenly Joseph's tongue was in my mouth. At first I was surprised, but I found that I liked it. Our tongue explored one another's mouths and he tasted wonderful. I also became aware that something hard between Joseph's legs was pressing against my hip. I broke the kiss and looked at my brother.

"Can I see you?" I asked tepidly. I knew that he was nervous, but I could also tell he was excited as I was. He thought for a moment and then nodded his head. He quickly unbuttoned his shirt and threw it on the hood of the car. His body was different than the man in the magazine, he was a little thinner and his stomach wasn't as definitively ridged. But his arms looked stronger, his shoulders. He had the build of a farmer. I wanted to feel his muscles with my hands and to have them wrapped around my shoulders. I wanted to kiss his stomach and show his body how much I loved it. But Joseph wasn't done yet, he quickly unzipped his trousers and pulled them down. In a few seconds my brother was standing naked in front of me. I was shocked.

Beyond his just his radically different upper body, my brother's lower body looked like it belonged to a different species, rather than just a different sex. His legs were thicker than mine, less graceful. His body was covered in hair, even more than mine would have been if not for my daily regime. But more bizarre still was the cause of the bulge I'd seen in the magazine. There was a long flesh shaft rising from between Joseph's legs. The tip was round and pink, the rest was the color of skin, except there were more veins. And down near the base were two large balls secure in a pouch of skin. It was absolutely alien looking. But I wanted to see more.

"You look very handsome," I said to Joseph and he blushed and grinned, "Can I have a closer look?" I asked cautiously.

"Yes," Joseph said softly. I walked over to my brother and put my hand on his bare chest. The muscles I'd felt through his shirt were warmer now and I could feel his heart pounding wildly in his chest. I squeezed his muscles, feeling their strength under his skin. He looked down at my hand and smiled. I wanted to kiss him, but I knew we did not have much time. There was something else I wanted to see.

I stood close to my brother, just a few inches from his body, then I squatted down in front of him with my legs spread wide. Now my knees were almost touching my brother's shins and his shaft was directly at eye level. It looked no less alien close up, but it was not unpleasant. I found it fascinating. What's more, so close I could smell my brother's musk, an enticing aroma.

"The one in the man's pants, in the magazine didn't stick up as much," I observed aloud.

"Sometimes it stands up and other times it is soft," Joseph explained, "It depends on... lots of things I guess." He said.

"Do you control it?" I asked and he laughed a bit.

"No, not really," he said. I was a little disappointed. I would have liked to see it go from hard to soft and then back. But then another idea struck me.

"May I touch it?" I asked, looking up at my brother. He looked nervous, but I could tell he wanted me to touch his shaft as much as I wanted to feel it. He hesitated another moment.

"Okay," he said at last, letting out a long breath. I reached forward. I took my brothers balls in my hand, setting them gently on my palm. I heard my brother gasp a bit. They felt heavy and hot in my hand. I most them around a bit, enjoying the way my fingers sunk into the flesh. I could feel the blood pumping in his veins.

I played with his balls for a few minutes. The whole while I felt my body reacting more and more to the way he felt. I gazed at my brother, drinking in the strength of his body. And that same urge I'd had the night before stole over me, only more intense than ever before. While my hand was still gently massaging my brother's scrotum, I looked down between my legs. My privates were spread wide open, looking red and swollen. I could feel it ache. My juices were running down my leg. And my little clitoris was sticking out hard. I remembered the way I'd felt the night before.

I gently placed my free hand between my legs, putting my fingers against my hard clit. My body shuddered as the tension grew inside of me. I looked up to see if Joseph noticed, but his eyes were closed and he was just enjoying the feel of my hands on his body. My fingers glided over the hard little nub, getting wet and sticky from my juices. I knew better what to do today than I had the night before; I stroked myself gently but assertively. I panted while I moved. My scent and my brothers mixed in the barn, creating a thick and powerful aroma that hung over the room.

I looked at my brother's shaft and saw that there was a small hole at the tip and a few small dribs of thick, clear liquid was dripping from it. I slid my hand up from my brother's balls, letting my fingers ride along the veiny bottom of his rod.