All Comments on 'A Wife And Hubby Are Made Slaves'

Sick dreams in Africa

glade my name is steve. would love being vals husband

The reviewer who has tried to point out faults in your use of language needs to correct his own before giving advice. The story is not perfect but as good as most on literotica. Please write more.

... and offering constructive criticism. People telling you to ignore negative comments are worse than the bad comments however. Readers should also be respectful of amateur writers and their efforts, especially when they are just getting started.

Your story is full of sentences like this one...

"The pics, well I have to give them something look on any interracial site" he said laughing jerk to them."

I have no idea what you were saying there and the punctuation was no help. The quotation marks make no sense where they were placed and there were no commas to indicate where the quote starts and ends unless you are saying a person said that entire passage.

"I then watched as Val was dragged of by two blacks she then disappear under a pile of black body's." (quotation marks mine)

I believe you meant to use the word off instead of "of". Seems like there should be a period after the word "blacks". Disappeared instead of "disappear". Bodies instead of the possessive "bodies".

I'm not with the grammar police and know full well how tough it is to write a good story. Don't quit but don't settle for this which is borderline unreadable. There are writer resources available on the home page and there is no shame in taking advantage of them. Good luck to you.

I agree with the last 2 reviewers. The constant punctuation and spelling errors almost made this story unreadable, although the plot of the story was pretty hot.

Just have to say opinions are like assholes, we all have them. Take no heed

I found this narrative very exciting. I would love to experience a similar experience only in a predetermined fantasy scenario. I would take as many failsafe precautions as I could think of as well as doing fullscope research on any and all possible situations etc. that could in any way make possible what I consider negative aftereffects, or culminations.

omg I jacked off two time while reading this and licked it all off my hand and fingers.

I would love to have this happen to my family I am 52 white married man.

with 4 kids all grown over 18.

Very good story I would love to read more of how the get used and more .

Would love to be part of this story maybe not as rough but I dream of it !!!!!!!!!!

Very good story, it makes me very hard, I always dreamed of this for my wife.

Write more stories.

At times it as been a fantasy of mine to be owned by a male or a female.

I quite liked the part where they pissed in the cucks mouth.

You start off writing in the third person as in Steve did this and Steve did that then you changed to the first person like I said this or I did that.

It is very confusing as you switched it about during the story.

Decide how you're going to write the story and stick to it.

Also just a little tip. Write numbers in words like 2 should be two.

It could have been a good story if only you'd taken the time with it.

Good luck with future attempts and don't let the morons who accept writing like this fool you into thinking you can write.

You have a great imagination but you need to channel it properly.

Honestly, the writing is atrocious.

not crazy about it either, good idea, and great story length

geile story, danke.

Nobody in their right mind would carry on like this.

I would trade places with him in a hartbeat. 4yourpleadureiam

The story was good as far as the fantasy. You, however, need to stop switching between 1st and 3rd person narrative. Stick with one or the other. If you need proofreading and constructive criticism before publishing, find an editor. It will make your writing much better.

Oh to be a black only feminized sissy whore. It’s what dreams are made of, my boi pussy it twitching.

Hard and stroking the entire time reading…. I shot a huge load of cum all over my stomach just as Steve unloaded over Val. I enjoyed eating my cum thinking of Steve cleaning his wife

ok but a little too rough for me.